


Wheel of the Year

by Syri



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Angst, Clow is an asshole who means well, M/M, Mpreg, Nonbinary Yue, Polyamory, Racial slurs, Romance, Yue has a shit sense of self worth, children and other related topics, mild violence, plot centric-not a fetish fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 84,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syri/pseuds/Syri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yue has loved Clow for half a century, the two living as Master and guardian, magician and creation, and as lovers. His Masters queer humor is nothing to stop him, his teasing, his impulsive spells and reckless whims. His heart was only for Clow, and Clow has given his to Yue. Well. Most of it. It is no secret that Clow's fate is also entangled with one Dimensional Witch, a woman Yue cares little for beyond a painful envy. He shares his maker, his husband, knowing Clow loves him no less than she, but his family cannot help but wonder if his lovers occasional stays away from home are what planted the idea in his mind to ask Clow for a child.</p><p>Note and preface added to start of prologue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story was first published in 2007 though Gods know I can't remember the title. Briefe note here; Yes, I know this is a squick topic, and that's fine. Some fandoms have a wide array of this particular trope, others, not so much. 
> 
> This is not a kink fic. It's not a fetish fic. There will be no graphic descriptions of birth, no pregnancy porn; it is used as a true and legitimate plot device, and though will be about 1/3 of the story, primarily serves as a kickstarter for more familiar, canon-based plot. This trope, for me, is an expression of being gender nonbinary, and has been since before I had a name for being bigender/nonbinary. For me it's less about the M in mpreg as it is establishing a third/alternative gender and behaviors/actions that fit within that. 
> 
> So, by all means, if mpreg is a major squick, please go find something to cleanse your eyes of my weird shit. But if you are on the fence, I guarantee, though you may find a few over-cute pregnancy tropes, this isn't a pregnancy fetish fic.

It was very early morning, the sun barely beginning to stain the world in fiery reds and oranges. The two always woke early, while the lion down the hall snored till breakfast. Usually, the quiet peace was spent talking, gently murmuring soft words to one another, which often lead to…other activities. This particular morning, however, the Moon Guardian had something else on his mind.

“Why did I never take a wife?” Clow repeated in bewilderment, completely taken aback. Yue’s questions were generally not so straightforward. “I…well…I’m not sure where this is coming from…”

Yue lay beside him, stretched languidly on his taut stomach, the covers pushed down to his hips and his silver hair strewn around him in an irritatingly teasing manner. 

“I was simply curious, Master,” Yue replied, forgetting once again, whether accidentally or purposefully, Clow’s suggestion that he call him by his name. “You are a handsome man, intelligent, charming-“

“Careful Yue or I may become more proud that you.” Clow warned teasingly, and Yue just huffed indignantly and continued.

“And yet here you are, over 400 years old, and still unwed. And I happen to know that you’ve invited just as many women into your bed as men.”

‘Curse his reasoning skills.’ Clow swore to himself, having hoped to take an easy road out. 

“Why all this so suddenly?” he asked his lover, running his hand though Yue’s soft cool hair, watching as the sunlight spilling through the window illuminated his soft lilac highlights. “Have you gotten sick of me already? Want me to go find some lovely woman and elope?”

“Hardly,” Yue disagreed, leaning into his lover’s touch, nearly purring. “ it just seems that I shouldn’t have been so lucky as to have you.” 

Clow tucked a lock of Yue’s hair behind his ears, studying his face intently. “There’s something you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?”

Yue narrowed his eyes, his lips pursed as though he were sulking (which, he probably was. Yue had a foul temper, especially around the new moon.) “It…it was something Kerberos told me…” he admitted finally, and rather reluctantly. 

Knowing how much Kero loved to mess with his little brothers head, Clow sighed wearily to himself. “And just what did he tell you this time?”

Yue held Clow’s gaze for just a moment, then became very interested with his fingernails. “He…he told me that you once proposed marriage to that Dimensional Witch.”

“You already knew that,” Clow pointed out. “That’s why you hate her.” It was common knowledge that the two absolutely ABHORRED one another. Yue hated her through sheer Jealousy and pride, and Yuuko because she couldn’t stand stubborn and prideful beings who could best her in a debate. She and Clow had been involved with one another for quite a while before Yue, or even Kerberos, were created. 

“I know you spend nearly as much time with her as you do me” Yue pouted. “But Kerberos said that you were planning on marrying her.” He said this with a contempt in his voice that would make even the calm Wood Card wince.

Clow swallowed thickly. “Oh, he did, did he?” he repeated. “Well, I wouldn’t say…it wasn’t exactly…”

Yue’s eyes narrowed, his cat-like pupils dilating. “You WERE planning on marrying her.” he confirmed for him. When Clow didn’t deny it, he sighed haughtily. “Oh well. It’s her loss, though I do have to wonder, why would she turn you down?”

Clow didn’t answer right away. Instead, he just smiled down at Yue, laying soft kisses against his forehead. Yue’s eyes fluttered closed, savoring.

“You know it isn’t as though I was “dumped”, Clow pointed out, and Yue sighed. Of course he knew. He shared his lover, more or less willingly, but it didn’t stop his temper towards the witch on a personal level. “Yuko and I just...we have a tangled web, Yue, you know this. She has been many things to me, and I her, but spouses was never something that suited us well. I proposed to her while I was still young even by mortal standards.”

“You do have a...peculiar way of complimenting one another humour,” Yue conceded, about as far as he got to blessing Yuuko and Clows relationship.

His master chuckled. “Indeed we do. In many ways, we are a mirror for one another. She understands things of me that you never could, just as you and I have a connection that she can’t be privy too. It’s just...you and I, we are more suited to one another's daily companionship than Yuuko and I are. For us to run a household together would surely be a drunken disaster! There are things that would have turned out for the better, had we wed, but I don’t think she’d have taken to my traipsing all over Asia and Europe, and I daresay you 2 would have turned out very different with her influence.” at this, Yue shuddered dramatically, and Clow tapped his nose to scold him gently. “I would have gotten nothing done, being a drunkard. I don’t function as well on sake as she. You and Kero would have been stressed from creation, and god knows what would have happened if we’d had any children.”

Yue shook his head at that notion, of Yuuko Ichihara raising little dark haired children. “She doesn’t seem the matronly type.”

Clow stretched languidly, enjoying the warm sheets above and below him. “No, but a pity. I always expected to have children; always told my brothers I was going to steal theirs! They just said I should stop sleeping around with men if I wanted a baby. Never understood Song; he’s so painfully not into adventure…”

Yue was silent as he listened ,with the expression of one who had laced up tall boots only to feel a tiny scruple of a stone under their toes. “I didn’t know that.”

“Oh, you’ve always known I liked children”, he said offhandedly, finally pushing himself up to get out of bed, his black hair tangled from sleep and frizzing up on one side. He grabbed a light dressing gown from the foot of the bed, stretched again, and trotted off to have a wash before breakfast, leaving Yue curled in bed. He was hesitant to leave the cozy cocoon of Clow’s bed for the chilly morning air. Instead, he snuggled deeper, taking root under the covers as a thought was taking root in his mind.

)o(

Yue spent most of the next week on the roof. In any other family, this would be considered an oddity, but in the Reed household, sitting upon the roof on a spring day was a completely normal activity. As were trees, wheelbarrows and the tops of bookcases. (not that Yue had ever sat in a wheelbarrow. That would have been Kerberos.) He sat for hours, not a muscle moving as he stared down into space. Stray hairs, having come loose from his low, loose braid, whipped around his face, causing only a minor irritation.

That Yuuko…he had never liked her. He didn’t despise her, but they didn’t get along well, unless they both happened to be angry at their shared lover. As a new creation, she had come to visit Clow, and she had agitated him intensely, from her air of self-assurance to her habit of either speaking in riddles or speaking bluntly. In fact, the first time he’d met her, he ran behind Clow’s robes and hissed…not his most dignified moment…

As he grew older and his love for Clow grew from that of a child for his father to one lover for another, his distaste for the witch became more of a jealousy, and that old harpy just loved to bait him! And yet…he supposed he couldn’t blame her for his troubled mind right now. But…was Clow truly happy with him? Sure, he knew Clow loved him; he had no fear about that. Ever since the first time Clow had kissed him, when he was 16, he had known. But…but there was so much, he realized, that he could never give Clow…they could never be wed, obviously, Clow could never be open about their relationship. Even in the liberal year of 1764, a relationship between two men was not exactly accepted in China, let alone a semi-incestious one. And…and Yue could never give Clow a child…

He didn’t know why this had wormed its way into his brain and grabbed hold, and really, it was pissing him off. Leave it to him to find one small grain falled from the tray and nurse it into the most hearty plant. He wondered at first how important that was to Clow. Perhaps it wasn’t terribly. Of course, the angel had always known how much Clow loved children. From the children of acquaintances to Yuuko’s own Maru and Moro. Actually, Yue had rather a soft spot for children as well. He usually harbored a distaste for anything bothersome or noisy, but children were just so innocent and loved so unconditionally…he sighed gently for only himself to see. The thought of raising a family with Clow, was laughable. He and Clow had their bond, as master and construct, guardian and magician, as lovers. To imagine adding another in, something small and wailing...he couldn’t imagine it...but he wondered, if he ought to be able to. Someone as powerful as Clow, magically, with as much foresight as he, with his material wealth as well...shouldn't a man of Clow Reeds stature have an heir?

Yue chewed idly on the inside of his cheek, amethyst-colored eyes cast down. He loved Clow with every fiber of his being, and longed for him to be happy. Every since he was created, the happiness of his Master was of the utmost importance to him. He never wanted to do anything to cause pain, or to upset Master. He seldom disobeyed a (rare) direct order (and had been very sorry when he had, even without the scolding’s he had received) 

Oh, if his brother knew what he was fretting over right now! He’d never let him hear the end of it! He’d roar at the ridiculousness of it all, Yue worrying over something he couldn’t help, something that was, of course, more than unfathomable. He felt like slapping himself right then, and even “tsk”ed quietly to himself, as though Yue was sick of Yue’s bizarre thought pattern. Honestly, he thought to himself, stop thinkin about something so small and passing!

He sighed again, more angrily this time, feeling like a guard dog unwilling to let go of a bone. Did he feel inadequate? That was...often a feeling that haunted him. Clow did not spend every night in their bed, even if he spent most. Yue paid no mind to Jerome or Mark or Sophia, nor to that old student of Clows. He knew Clow had many lovers, but with Yuuko, there was more than lust and a tumble. He knew Clow loved her, deeply, and while he did not forbid his beloved from seeing her, it could be painful, if he did so often. He hated himself for those feelings, but he couldn’t help but wonder why he was not enough. Perhaps, then, this was just another area where he felt as though he was somehow lacking. subpar... Yue spread his winter-white wings to their full span, feathers glistening blue and lavender and mother-of-pearl gold. With a few powerful, graceful beats, he took to the air just to lower himself slowly to the grassy lawn below, intent on spending the rest of the afternoon in Clow’s library.

)o(

“Yue, have you gone mad?!” Clow choked on his evening tea, sputtering the hot drink onto his sleeve. “Are you ill? No, I must be…I couldn’t have heard you right…”

Yue didn’t seem fazed by his Master’s inconsolable shock. He’d been prepared for it. Sure, he was a little put off by the tea leaves speckling his hair, but he’d deal.

“No, Master. You didn’t hear me wrong, and I’m feeling quite well, thank you,” he replied calmly, leaning casually (too casually, Clow thought) with his arms folded across the rest of Clow’s favorite chair. With his delicate chin perched atop his gently folded hands, his expression as mild as though he’d just suggested having chicken for dinner tomorrow, Clow was sure that he’d hit his head. Because surely he would never….he couldn’t be suggesting…

Clow reached a shaky hand up to his face, removing his glasses to polish on the front of his cerulean silk robes. Strands of jet-black hair fell messily into his eyes, playing against his olive skin, and Yue felt his breath catch. Gods he loved Clow so much…ever since he was 13 and had nervously asked Clow about love, as awkward as that had been. Every glance Clow gave him, every warm, open smile, every gentle brush against his cheek, his throat, his chest, caused his heart to swell. Through the link they shared, the one which supported Yue with his Master’s magic, he could feel Clow’s heart speed up in a similar manner, and nothing in any world could ever compare to the knowledge that one’s love is returned. He had never felt such peace before, not even when he had still been moonlight, silver air and liquid all at once, free…which was all the more reason why he wanted so desperately to do this…

“Clow, I am not mad. I’m in love,” he began earnestly, and Clow was once again both moved and surprised by how straightforward and honest Yue could be when he wanted to. “I want to do this, Ma- Clow. I want to have a child with you.”

It wasn’t any less jarring the second time around. Clow suddenly wished the China cup in his hands had been filled with sake, or better yet, good old English wine! The magician, shook his head slowly, as though he had never been involved in a more ludicrous conversation, and that DID include the one about the elephant and the daisy. 

“Yue, I’m not sure I understand where you’re coming from here!” he finally sputtered, at a complete loss. “I mean, you’re…you’re…are you sure you aren’t feeling feverish?” And he laid his palm against Yue’s brow, hoping to feel warmth. He normally would not hope for his child, his koishi, to be ill, but a cold he could handle! Head trauma? Insanity? Lunacy (oh the irony)? He couldn’t handle that!

He could sense Yue growing impatient…not that Yue was well known for having a good temper, of course. Agitatedly, he shook his head, and took Clow’s now free hand into both of his own, slender, moon-pale fingers delicately overlapping his tanned, calloused ones.

“Clow, I’m not sure how I can make myself any clearer!” he sighed in a long-suffering manner. “I want to have a child with you.”

The deliberate tone of his voice, it’s slow, calculated, measured rhythm did little to illuminate Clow. He usually prided himself on his quick wit and ease of comprehension, but he was up Wave without a paddle here!

Feeling wearily older than his young 4 centuries, Clow rose from his chair, his hands settling onto the worn, smooth edges of the arm rests as he stood, then knelt down on one knee beside Yue, as though dropping to his level would help him see from his Guardian’s point of view…well, figuratively speaking.

“As lovely of an idea as that sounds, Yue, I’m afraid that doesn’t fall into the realm of possibilities.” he began, and Yue snorted offended at the almost condescending tone he was using. He was 54, not 5! “I’m not sure how this could have slipped your sharp mind, but…you’re not a woman!”

“I’m also not an imbecile!” Yue grumbled in response, still sore at having been spoken to like an invalid. “But, Clow! That doesn’t matter!”

“Actually, last time I studied an anatomy textbook, men were lacking a certain few-“

“Forget science, Clow!” Yue groaned in exasperation, which more than gained Clow’s attention. He could remember only a scattering of times when Yue had actually raised his voice at him! He had no qualms over it; he was use to his eldest whining and boisterous arguments but Yue was usually so reserved…So he held his tongue, watching Yue intently, allowing him the floor, so to speak. The dying embers in the hearth played on Yue’s creamy features flatteringly, painting his hair and skin a warm, comforting burnt orange, as though he were embodying a harvest moon. 

“Forget science!” he repeated more calmly. “Master, you’re a magician! Since when have the laws of science and physics not bent against your very will?”

Clow couldn’t argue with that. He had a point; there had never been a magician, mage, sorcerer or wizard with even half the strength and influence he had. And yet… “Yue, do I even WANT to know what you’ve been doing holed up in the library since yesterday?” 

Apparently happy with his Master’s by-way permission to continue, he eased his hand gently from Clow’s and held both of his out in front of him, palms upturned and flat. With little more than a thought, a thick, leather-bound book appeared in his hand, glowing faintly silver with the remnants of Yue’s moon magic. Clow recognized it instantly as one of the many large, hand-bound journals within which he kept his notes. Grimoires and notebooks filled with spells, potions recipes, sketches of herbs and runes and celestial maps. And, of course, no fewer than a dozen books on the makings of his constructs, one of which Yue held in his hands now.

Cradling the heavy tome in his slender arm, he flipped through it’s old and cracked pages, searching for a marked entry. 

“Here,” his cool alto voice murmured softly, pointing to a tidily written entry spanning the majority of three pages and handing the book over to Clow.

Adjusting his wire-rimmed spectacles, Clow held the impressive book in his lap, scanning over the text. Yue, still kneeling before him, studied him intently, watching as his expression changed from concentration to surprise to confusion to downright wide-eyed disbelief. 

“Y-Yue,” he finally stuttered, flipping between the pages, unsure of what to say. “This…this is…”

“It’s me,” he said unncesesarrily. “Well, it’s me and Kerberos. You wrote here, about the nature of the sun and moon, and its weight across different cultures. So many see the sun as Masculine and the Moon as feminine, but there are countless examples of the opposite. And you made me to be Yin, Clow.”

“Yes, yes,” Clow said, peering through his glasses at his own text while still stealing sidelong glances at his creation, as though afraid he may faint at any time. “Of course, I know that, my dear moon, but that doesn’t explain-”

“I’m not human, Clow. I’m barely what one defines as male. My physicue was created by you, and my sense of who I am, is male by convenience and simplicity, but the division between the roles makes little se”

“To me either, at times, at least in some things, Yue, but you’re talking about-”

“Magic,” Yue finished for him, though it was not the word Clow would have chosen. “Magic, Clow; it...it would be simple. You wouldn’t be changing my magic, my lunar orbit, my connection to you. Humans are being that will someday become spirit, but I am spirit made into a body. My physicality, Clow, can be easily changed-”

“Yue, my love, please, listen to yourself!”Clow interjected, laying a hand across the books page. Yue studied him with a slightly miffed look.

 

“Yue... where did this sudden interest come from? When did this idea take root? Making...changes, to your body may be a simple matter of no danger to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s something we ought to be messing with for no reason! You are 54 years old, Yue,” he added softly. “ Why would you desire a child?”

Yue pursed his lips, somewhat hurt. This wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for. He’d thought Clow would be happy! Taken aback at first, but ultimately pleased! 

“Master, I…” Yue searched for his words. “I just…I…I love you, Clow! And I want to do this for you, WITH you! I am old enough to love you, Master, and I know that you want a family, Isn’t that enough?” By the end, his voice had an almost desperately frustrated edge, as though unable to put what he truly meant into tangible words. “I have a male body, and call myself such, but those labels and ideals don’t mean much to be, Clow. To change things around would be no sacrifice.”

Soulful amethysts locked against usual calm and composed sapphires, as though trying to speak in a way the tongue couldn’t. Clow swore silently, and not too seriously at the moon at it’s more subtle, enchanting properties, and himself for being such a poetic romantic as to have included such features into his Guardian. He held him transfixed, without even trying to. Perhaps it wasn’t his inner moonlight that was holding Clow’s attention so raptly…

“Yue, I…I can’t talk about this right now,” he finally said, and closed the book in his lap, though h marked the page with a scrap of parchment from his end table. “I’m going to bed, and I suggest you do the same.”

“But, Master-!” Yue began, rising only after Clow was on his feet. 

Clow held his hand up silently, then brought it to stroke Yue’s pale cheek. “No, we’ll talk about this tomorrow, not until then. Understand?

Yue opened his mouth to protest on instinct, but then closed it obediently. If Clow said not to speak any more of it this evening, he would respect his wishes. Bowing his head respectively, he focused on his bare feet as he said, “Yes, I understand.” And he bid Clow a good night, closing the study door behind him softly on his way to his own bedroom down the hall. 

As the latch clicked closed with a heavy, satisfying clunk, Clow still stood where he was. In fact, it was a good ten minutes before he was able to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to go about extinguishing he weakening candles, closing up for the night. 

‘Yue…’ he thought silently, the word flowing through his mind with as much delicate air as if he had whispered it to his sleeping lover at midnight. 

Clow was known by his friends and colleagues as a deep thinker, a great analysts and good at sorting through problems. (of course, these were the same friends who knew him as an insane, crackpot magician with WAY too much free time.) But this…? This wasn’t a philosophical debate about the importance of celestial satellites. He wasn’t trying to work out how to infuse a strip of parchment with the powers of water, wind and earth, wasn’t building a new magic from East and West. Heck, he wasn’t even trying to cajole Keroberos into a bath! No…this was not an issue involving statistics, physics and magic. This was something that required logic of a different matter.

Yue wanted a child with him.

Had spent a week on the roof mulling it over.

Had spent over 36 hours in the library delving for a book to make it happen. 

The mage took to pacing the perimeters of his cavernous study, which was lit and warmed only by the anemic glow of the cooling embers in the hearth. 

Yue was many things, both to the magician, and in his own right. Stubborn, quick tempered, prideful, tough, cynical, condescending, but also loving, teasing, kind-hearted,intelligent, self-sacrificing...which, was not always his best aspect. His Yue, his beloved moon...Clow knew the problems that were innate in Yue’s making- no. No, not problems. Yue’s lunar natura was no defect, it was simply as he was made. To orbit, to submit. No doormat by any means, but a reactionary being to a larger body, something he took great pride in. His Yue always new what he wanted, but perhaps, didn’t have as good a grasp on why. A child? Of his own? No, Clow just couldn’t think that this was a desire borne from Yue’s own yearnings. On the other hand, when it came to severe matters, Yue didn’t have much issue scolding Clow, telling him no; he had a scar from Yue’s crystals after one brutal fight 10 years ago, and another across his hand where Yue had once bitten him.

Firey, though his element was water. 

His mind still running circles in his now throbbing skull, Cow drew the heavy drapes to his study, pausing only a moment to peer at the thread-thin crescent moon adorning the sky, and thought about his own moon. He would be curled up in bed by now, with Kerberos sprawled out in front of his hearth or on the foot of his bed. Invariably, the two would end up in a tangled heap of bed covers, hair and fur, cursing one another in three different languages when they woke and tried to free themselves from their bindings. 

Giving the velvet hangings one final tug, he picked his lamp up from the end table, the flame burning very low in it’s wick and headed to bed himself, knowing already that sleep would elude him till dawn. 

)o(

Breakfast the next morning was an awkward affair at best. The three sat around the small, round table set in a nook in the conservatory, where they usually ate during the spring and summer. 

Calmly complying with his Master’s wishes, Yue didn’t so much as mention last night’s conversation (not that he would have brought it up in front of Kero anyways. If he said so much as a peep, the entire Deck would know about it by lunch!) However, although his tongue was silent, his mind was screaming at him, so loudly that Clow was surely able to hear it through their link. 

He hadn’t slept well at all the night prior. He lay beneath his sheets, waiting for sleep to claim him, but knowing that his racing thoughts wouldn’t permit it. He tossed and turned, kicked beneath the covers and buried his head beneath his pillows. Twice his brother awoke, once to snap at him to go to sleep, the other to ask if he was ill. Usually during a new moon, Yue would be asleep before his head even hit the pillow, so Kero’s confusion and reluctant concern was justified. 

“No, brother, I just have something on my mind.”

Though he had his back turned to the hearth were Kerberos dozed, he could feel the lion’s golden eyes burrowing into his back skeptically. Kero may have been somewhat dim, but he wasn’t completely oblivious. 

By that morning, he was still not convinced. Munching on a pancake, he sweet syrup sticking to his paws and matting his fur, he intently studied both Clow and his little brother. Clow acted pretty much normal, chatting away about nothing in particular, sometimes to Yue, sometimes to Kero, and once in a while to himself (batty old magician!) in whatever language fit the subject best. 

Language was much more in their home than a particular means of communication. One could always tell what sort of temperament they might find their family in by what language they were speaking. Clow, having been raised by an English father and a Chinese mother in both countries easily spoke both, and had taught both to his children, English first, as their inborn language,which they spoke in most of the time, then Mandarin. One could also tell just how pised off Yue was by what language he swore in; Japanese when he was miffed, Chinese when he was angry, English when he was livid. Once, and only once, Kerberos heard him cuss in French…the poor goldfish pond was never quite the same… 

And Clow…well, half the time Kerberos and Yue weren’t sure what Clow was saying. When he did bother joining them back in the present, he, like his children, used mostly his fathers language, although it was peppered with intermittent Japanese and often slipped easily back to Chinese. They had befuddled more than one dinner guest that way, with a question in Chinese, and answer in English and a teasing jeer in Japanese!

This is what made it so easy to tell that something was bothering the pale young guardian. Fortunately that morning Kero didn’t have to mentally translate a half-dozen different dialects. Clow chattered away in Chinese, and Yue did the same, although Kero noticed the English words he unconsciously mixed in were rather formal and polite, even for stick-in-the-mud Yue! Sure, he always used “Master” to refer to Clow, but rarely did he say it in such a reserved, almost timid, tone.

Kero wasn’t getting the impression that Clow was angry, nor that Yue was fearful. Surely Clow’s little pet hadn’t been misbehaving? He thought wryly, licking the last of the plum juice from his paws. And yet…something in Yue’s apprehensive gaze gave his emotions away. Something was bothering him…There was only one thing it could be…

“Whattsa matter, Yue Chan?” he cooed. “You two have a little lover’s spat?”

Yue nearly choked on the sip of tea he was taking. He brought his napkin to his mouth trying to cough discreetly, though Kero could see his eyes watering. Heh. Setting his tea cup down on its saucer, he threw the napkin indignantly beside it before turning to glare at the Sun Beast.

“And just what business is that of yours?” he demanded, violet eyes burning with an offended fire, though that was nothing compared to the scarlet blush that stained his pale cheeks. Yue hated it when Kerberos spoke like that! 

The armored lion in question pretended not to notice Yue’s little temper flare. He wasn’t scared of his little brother If anything, he was getting a kick out of this!

“Aw, Yue Chan! You’d think you’d be over that bashful stage by now! Afterall, you weren’t being very shy the other night. I could hear you two all the way-“

“Kerberos!” Yue cried sharply, his face coloring even deeper. “A little tact, please, you mangy fur ball!”

Kero sniggered around another mouthful of plums. Yue was so fun to feck with! Twitchy little thing, he could be!

“Is that any way to talk to your Onii-Chan?” Kero weaseled. “Better watch how you speak to me, Yue, or I’ll tie your braid to a doorknob again!”

The glare Yue sent to his brother was as sharp and lethal as any arrow he would have shot. “Whether or not Clow and I had a spat,” he continued, his English taking on an uppity tone, as though trying to regain a little of his wounded dignity, “Is none of your business!”

“So you DID have a fight!” Kero roared delightedly, not because he WANTED them to fight. Far from it, he just wanted to keep playing his favorite game. “if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be denying anything!”

“I am NOT-“ Yue began heatedly, before Clow’s calm voice broke in. 

“Yue and I have not been fighting, Kerberos,” he murmured serenely eyes closed pleasantly behind his spectacles. “There is something that we have been discussing as of late, but it has nothing to do with you, presently and I’m sure we’d both be grateful if you wouldn’t bother yourself with it right now.”

If Kero hadn’t been so perturbed by having been directly left out of the lop of something was that, in every likeliness, hugely interesting and gossip worthy, perhaps he would have noticed the strange look Yue gave him; a guarded optimism heavily burdened with worry, anxiety and desire…and perhaps he would notice how unusually pale his master looked that morning, with dark circles beneath his eyes as though he, too, had not slept well. 

Instead, he just sulked for the next several minutes, arms crossed in a very child like manner until he saw, from the corner of his amber eyes, a dish being pushed in front of him. It was a scoop of his favorite vanilla pudding. Flickering his eyes over, he saw it was Yue’s light, slender hand setting the dish before him. He nearly chuckled out loud. There were only a handful of reasons Yue would give him a bowl of pudding willingly, and the most likely was bribery. Yue was a proud, high thinking and sophisticated person, but even he knew the endless benefits a little bribery could hold. 

If Kero had been as dumb as he sometimes acted, he would have been content to think that he was being bribed out of his pout, but he knew better. Yue was trying to convince him to stay out of whatever it was that he and Clow were hiding, whatever was bothering him so deeply, and to keep his fat furry mouth shut about it the Deck.

Kero happily lapped up the sweet, soft treat, licking the light vanilla cream from his whiskers contentedly. He loved bribes. He always accepted them…he just didn’t always hold up his end of the bargain. Silly Yue…he should know better! If his little secret was dark enough to have to bribe Kero to keep quiet about it, it must be a whopper, and he couldn’t wait to find out what it was!

)o(

Yue was an anxious wreck the entire day. The usually calm Guardian, who was often as collected and peaceful as the moon after which he was named, was a complete mess. Not having slept more than 2 hours that night, coupled with the anticipation of the conversation he knew he would soon have had his stomach twisted into sick knots. 

It was the waiting that killed him, as well as the fact that Clow didn’t seem to be fazed. Oh, he saw the deep bruises marring Clow’s skin, and the way his gently slanting eyes seemed to be having trouble staying open, but he still held the cool, centered attitude of a magician so finely intoned with everything around him. Yue would not bring the subject up again. He wanted desperately to continue their conversation, to clarify, to tell Clow everything he wanted to, but he wouldn’t. He would wait until Clow decided it was time to speak. His silence, as far as this topic went, was as good as a direct order, in Yue’s mind. 

After supper, Yue, as he usually did, gathered the breakfast dishes from the table to be washed (dishes was one of his chores, as it was something more easily done with hands rather than paws.) 

Carefully setting the breakable dishes into the wash basin, he pulled up on the well-worn handle of the pump, using his weight to pry the rusted handle up and down trying to coax a little water from the spout. 

“This would be so much easier if I could use magic,” he groused, watching as the icy cold water began to fill the basin. 

It was true, though. Clow didn’t permit Yue and Kero to use magic to accomplish their chores. Washing dishes and laundry, which was Yue’s responsibility, would be so much easier if he could use magic, especially since the Watery was under the moon!

As the shallow metal basin began to fill, he locked the pump down, rolled up the loose sleeves of his lavender robes and set to work. 

The water was freezing, and he should probably have heated a kettle to warm it, but he didn’t feel like investing that much time into his task. He scrubbed at the plates with a scrap of cotton and hard lye soap, rinsing them each with a quick splash from the pump. 

He didn’t mind work like this all that much. In fact, he was actually glad for it now. It gave him a quiet, peaceful place to think, and of course he had only one subject on his mind.

Did Clow truly see him as a child still? It was true that he was young, but humans half his age wouldn’t think twice about such an option. Then again, he certainly wasn’t human. He may look somewhat human, his coloring notwithstanding, and he may keep manners as a human would, but he certainly wasn’t. He’d far outlive even the great great grandchildren of humans not yet born! And Clow…he was over 4 centuries old, looking to be about 45 to those who didn’t know better. Perhaps to Clow, in comparison, Yue was only a child. But…Kero was only a year older, and he didn’t refer to him as one…

‘But Clow does a lot of things different with you, doesn’t he?’ A shy smile played against Yue’s lips as he thought this. It was true that the relationship he had with Clow was much different than that between Clow and the others. 

And although Yue knew all of this to be true, he couldn’t help but still be hurt by Clow’s reluctance. He understood what an unusual suggestion it was that he had made, but…but surely Clow wasn’t so reluctant as to completely dismiss it! Gods, he wanted so much to do this with Clow…The moment the possibility occurred to him, it felt as though Float had taken up residence in his chest. 

He was so lost in thought, his attention so divided between his musings, the dishes, and trying not to drag his sash through the dish water that he didn’t even notice Clow walking into the kitchen behind him until he felt a strong arm snake around his waist. 

“Clow-?” He began, turning his head to the side in surprise to look behind him, only to feel Clow’s lips at his throat, nuzzling softly. 

“Hmmm…” Yue murmured softly, leaning back against Clow’s chest instinctively as he felt his Master’s hand snake down his arm to gently encircle his slender wrist, holding gently but firmly, possessively, just how Yue loved it. 

With Clow’s lips kissing and nipping at his neck and his hands busy tracing delicate patterns across his hip and the back of his hand, fingertips grazing feather-like across his skin, Yue thought fleetingly that this was going to go somewhere, right there in the kitchen, when…

“When you’ve finished your work in here, Yue, I want to speak with you outside.” And with not so much as a parting kiss, Clow made his exit just as swiftly as he’d arrived, leaving behind one breathless (and rather frustrated) moon guardian.

On the brink of a sulk Yue tugged agitatedly on his robes rearranging them to lay well, and returned the dishes, muttering ‘God dann magicians’ under his breath. 

)o(

After running a towel haphazardly over the plates, leaving them more damp than dry, Yue unrolled his sleeves and tucked his long hair behind his ears as he walked briskly down the corridors to the back garden. Though his pace never picked up to the point that it could be called a run, he moved quickly enough to make his hem flare and his heavy braid swirl around his feet, with nothing but his innate, feline grace keeping him safe from the humiliation of tripping over his own hair (which, yes, he’d done before after one too many cups of red wine.)

The house that Clow owned was a large one, with gardens sprawling around the entire estate for 3 acres or more, with woodlands bordering them on three sides, which allowed plenty of privacy and protection, essential in a family of magicians and magical beings. However, the sprawling land also provided ample places for a member of said family to hide. With the sheer umber of willows and sakura, tall, ornamental grass and lush flower beds, and considering how many tricks Clow had up his sleeve, Yue could have easily spent an afternoon searching for him. Luckily though, he needn’t search the hard way. 

He stood stalk-still, eyes closed gently; his dark lashes fluttering against porcelain cheeks. He blocked out all the noise around him, from the wind, the birds, the rustling plants and the ever present (if not currently weak) chiming sounds of the moon. It took him only a few minutes to know exactly where Master was; lounging beneath a cherry tree on the far side of the house, the very last sakura petals barely clinging to it’s vivid green foliage. This wasn’t so much magic as it was intuition; a sixth sense, almost, powered by the powerful bond the three of them held, especially to Clow. 

He opened his eyes, taking a bit to readjust to the suddenly loud noises swirling all around him, re orienting himself before hurrying over to where his Clow was lounging.

Just as he had seen in his meditation, Clow Reed was leaning comfortably against the sturdy trunk of a gnarled cherry tree, and had evidently discarded his usual cerulean collared robes, for he was clad only in a summer-weight yukata, as it was unusually warm for April. He also, Yue noted, held a large and very familiar leather-bound book open in his lap. One hand rested on its page, perhaps guiding his reading.

His heart thrumming wildly in his thin chest, Yue swallowed heavily, taking a brief, shuddering breath as he continued to approach Clow Even though he was positive that Clow could hear his bare feet cutting through the tall grass, hear the linen of his robes swishing against his ankles and, perhaps, even the thumping of his heart, he made no inclination that he was aware of Yue approaching him. In fact, he didn’t even look up as Yue slid inext to him, hands folded neatly across his lap. 

Usually, in this situation, Yue’s naturally passive attitude would have him sitting in silence, perfectly still until his Master took notice of him (unless it was an emergency. Clow had given him such a scolding when he’d waited in perfect quietness for Clow to take notice of his Guardian, who wanted to tell him, five minutes ago, tKero had gotten his head stuck in the milk pitcher AGAIN. In his defense, he was only seven.) However, barely a full minute had gone by and Yue was barely able to keep quiet much longer. His hands clenching in a nervous fit in his lap, he had just opened his mouth to speak when Clow spoke in hat wispy, seemingly insubstantial tone of his which was, inexplicably attention grabbing.

“Have you noticed, Yue, that although May is fast approaching, there are a few willful sakura buds that still cling so stubbornly the branches?”

Had Yue not already had his mouth open, he was sure his jaw would have fell slack in confusion. Sakura? Surely Clow didn’t ask him out here to discuss botany?! But knowing Clow as he did, he was probably about to make some deep, profound and utterly befuddling comparison between the delicate and fragile life of the silken cherry blossoms as the flutter down to Earth, having been displaced by the most gentle of breezes to the miraculous perseverance of human love and the change in the seasons or the stars and how they’re all connected within a complex and spiraling web of infinite power and greater destiny or some other such rubbish Clow was always spouting when feeling philosophical. 

Or something along those lines.

“I…I…You wished to speak with me, Master?” he prompted instead, peering at Clow curiously through a curtain of platinum bangs. 

The magician nodded, marking his place casually with his finger before turning to smile kindly at Yue. 

“I did. And you know as well as I do that we aren’t going to be discussing flowers, no matter how pretty.” At Yue’s almost outraged expression, he added with a smile, “What? Did you expect some great, moving analogous speech?”

Were Clow not Yue’s lover, father, and, not to mention, master, he could have smacked the sorcerer just then! As pised as he was shamed, he just kept quiet, color rising in his cheeks from nerves and apprehension.

“You know very well what I asked you out here to discuss, Yue.” He continued, setting the book to one side and laying his hand on the grass beside him, indicating he wished for Yue to sit closer. 

He was only happy to comply of course. Walking the few short steps over, he sat beside his Master, slender legs tucked gracefully beneath him and his robes flaring around him.

Despite the month and the cool shade of the tree, Clow felt unreasonably warm all of a sudden. As he watched Yue tuck himself to the ground with ease, it quickly warmed to feel as though it were mid-August. He could ever understand how he did it. Yue never tried to be beautiful, never bothered with trying to act sultry and alluring. Even when he was covered in dirt from rolling in the gardens with Kerberos, with leaves caught in his hair and clay smearing his most dingy robes, Yue always radiated an ethereal air of grace and immortal grace. Every movement flowed sinuously, his faint muscles stretching beneath skin as fine as bisque clay and as soft as Indian silk. Even a plain black tunic managed to make Clow sweat a little under the collar when it was his Yue who wore it. 

Of course, Clow didn’t know that Yue felt almost the same way about him, about the uncanny way he could be sitting there in the weak firelight, reading or writing and Yue could find himself so danned frustrated, longing so desperately to feel Clow’s gently smiling lips on his, feel those broad, calloused hands on…

“Yue, you didn’t sleep any better than I did last night, did you?”

With a sigh as soft as the breeze shaking the leaves, rustling the grass, Yue shook his head, his loose hair tumbling over his shoulders as he finally raised his eyes to met Clow’s. “Usually it is Kerberos’s snoring that keeps me up at night. But…no, I couldn’t sleep at all last night.”

“And I’m sure you and I both had the same thing on our minds, ne?” Clow asked though the question was almost rhetorical.

“I’ve thought of little else for over a week now, Master,” Yue answered honestly, hoping it would convey how much he wanted this. “And although I only brought it up last night, you’ve been thinking about it constantly, haven’t you?”

It was almost a question of challenge, one Clow knew he would lose. But he wasn’t going to fight it.

He smiles broadly, a truly straightforward curve of his lips, devoid of bass ackwards logic. With slow, deliberate movements, Clow raised his hand to run through Yue’s hair, combing through the soft strand at the base of his neck, feeling them part like gossamer, as delicate as spider’s silk.

“I won’t deny it,” he replied happily. “YIt’s something I would like to have in my life. it’s just…last night, I was…”

“Confused? Perplexed? Bewildered?” Yue offered, his pale mouth curving mischievously at the corners. He leaned closer to Clow, coming to rest his head against the sorcerer’s strong shoulder, purring contentedly as he felt Clow’s arm encircle his spry form lovingly, intimately, as though trying to close them off into their own little piece of the world.

“Yes, I suppose those would work!” he agreed, and the moon could feel his laugh rumbling through his chest. “I suppose I just wasn’t expecting that…when you said you had something to tell me, I was thinking that someone was finally going to confess to breaking the library window.”

Yue, deliberately ignoring the reference to a particular shattered window in the downstairs library (Which was all Kero’s fault, he swore!) just cuddled closer to his Master, relishing the feeling of security he got as they sat holding one another.

“I’m sorry, M-Clow, but I couldn’t think of any better way to tell you this. ..”

“Really, there isn’t any easy way to suggest something like that. But I have to ask you, Yue…and I want you to answer carefully.”

Yue looked up slowly, locking his gaze into Clow’s. “W-What is it?”

“Are you sure you want to do this? Are you completely aware of what would happen?”

Yue ‘humph’ed quietly. “Clow, I wouldn’t have even considered it if I hadn’t thought all the details through. I know what I’m going to be getting myself into, but I don’t like the way that sounds. It makes it seem like something you have to suffer through instead of take up willingly.”

With a soft chuckle, Clow, continued toying with Yue’s hair, tracing the intricate weave of his braid as it tumbled down his back. “Well, nine months is quite a long time. I’m sure at times it could be uncomfortable or completely miserable. And even after that, children stay with their parents for 16, 18, 20 years”

“And I will live to be 600, 800, 1,000 or more, Clow. I am not a being who ages. I was born looking 19 or 20, I will someday become moonlight again looking 19 or 20. I can’t catch colds, I am strong. Injuries and accidents are normally mild. hat is 20 years out of even a fraction of my life? A fraction of YOURS?”

“This is true, my dear moon, but you can’t pretend it wouldn’t be 20 years that didn’t matter. They would be the longest of your life, I’m sure.”

“It would be worth it, t give you a child,” Yue insisted, growing more and more impatient with Clow’s hesitancy. Once Yue had an idea in his mind, it never left. It ight morph, it might grow or evolve or change, but he was a man marked by every passing whim, not unlike Clow. 

Unable to be so rude and insolent as to put such thoughts into words, Yue did the one thing that could speak louder. Tilting his face up, he brushed his lips against Clow’s the touch so delicate it was barely a whisper, a fleeting taste of his Master. Twice more and Clow took the lead, tightening his grip in Yue’s hair to bid him keep still. Dann…if this wasn’t a good enough answer he didn’t know what was!

Ever since he was 16, Yue had decided there was nothing quite as thrilling or exciting as kissing Clow. He loved the protective way he held him, the way his tongue slid across his bottom lip, pretending to ask for permission before deciding he didn’t need to wait. Clow always made sure Yue knew he saw him as his equal, not as his servant. As his complete equivalent. But Yue had to admit, although he appreciated the sentiment and the respect and complete candidness Clow took with him,, he also loved Clow’s dominant side, the side that made him feel cherished, protected, the side that held his wrist tightly, the side that called him “his”… 

“Yue...I can’t tell you no here. But at the same time, I cannot say yes either.”

Yues expression fell into something that Kero and Clow often referred to as his “bitch face,” as he scoffed. “Clow, there are only two answers to this. I can’t “Maybe” carry a child for you.”

There was that language agai that was giving Clow so much hesitancy. For you, yours, his…

“There are only two answers,” the magician agreed softly. “But I am under no obligation to give you an answer now.” As Yue parted his pale lips to argue, Clow held up his hand as a quiet order to be silent.

“One year, Yue. My beautiful, impulsive child, I will answer your question in one year. April 23.”

“A year, Clow?!” Yue’s voice rose with disbeliefe and indignation, leaning forward onto his hands to better stare at his maker, and Clow just closed his eyes and smiled primly.

“If 20 years is nothing, Yue, than one year should pass in a blink!”

...that shut the guardian up quick enough, his lips pursed.

“One year, Yue. You think about this, about what it means for you. Go the summer, the fall, winter, and back to spring, and see if this is still something you desire.”

“But Clow, what about yo-!”

“A year, Yue, and we won’t speak about it for at leaast a month. Your pretty little head is often so full of worries and words, poetry and charts and spells and anxieties...I want you to filter everything, my love. I ant you to go through one entire cycle, and see if this thought is still within your mind in a year. Now kiss me,” he finished with a teasing command. And Yue glowered, he bit Clow’s lip harshly, but he did as he was asked.

)o(

Upstairs, Yue took out a small scrap of parchment, and carefully folded it in half, back and forth, till it created a perfectly straight edge for him to tear across. He dug for a quill and a bottle of ink, and scrolled down a date; April 23, 1765. He blew on the ink to dry it, folded the paper again, and slipped it carefully into a small lacquered box on his dresser, beside a few jade pins, an ornamental comb, and a silver and opal ring Clow had given him some years before, that Yue sometimes wore on his left hand. A small, carefully kept box for an important object.

)o(


	2. Chapter 2

)o(

Spring melted into summer, seemingly literally. As May faded into June in southern China, the Reed household began their yearly ritual of throwing open every window, praying to the Gods for a cross breeze, bribing Windy and Rain to provide some relief from the heat, and seeing how little they could get away with wearing. This was reasonably easy for Yue and Clow who, if all else failed, could strip down to their draws and try to absorb some of the coolness from a shady spot of grass outside. For Kerberos though, this was a slightly more involved task. His coat grew thick and puffy in the winter, and come late spring, began to shed. In years before, this had left a mess of golden hairs stuck to every surface of the house, with Yue cursing cats and asking if they could trade him in for a bird instead. Nowadays, though, Yue and Clow drug their feline family member out into the yard at the first sign of puffing, floating fur to brush through his coat incessantly.

He would always howl and complain his displeasure, saying they were hurting him, they were pulling his fur, he didn’t have any skin left to tug at. Such a fuss for such a supposedly mighty beast!

Summers also meant becoming semi-aquatic beings for a few months. Yue loved the water, and took to swimming in the large pond underneath the gnarled oak tree as soon as the weather was warm enough to wear lighter clothes, and didn’t stop till gold and amber and red leaves began to float across its surface. Water and Wind were Yue’s elements, and he felt as home in the cool, clear ripples; Kerberos needed more convincing, but the heat was a good motivator. It rarely took much whining and wheedleing to drag Clow out of his stifling study and drag him downstairs to join them in a swim.

“You’ll boil alive locked up in here all day!” Kero would argue, taking Clows hand gently into his mouth and trying to guide him outside while Yue pulled his other arm. “Come on old man, your potion can wait till after dinner when the sun starts to go down!”

Yue nodded emphatically, digging his heels into the carpet and tugging at his Masters arm, his laughter mixing with Clow’s sarcastic arguments and grumbling. He and his brother were in a rare mood where they were actually getting along, and wanted their Master to play with them as well.

“Master Clow, it’s nearly 100 degrees out! Yo’re sweating in here and you smell!” Yue taunted prissily as they drug Clow to the door and began to push-pull him towards the stairs. “You need a swim, with us.”

“And you need to bring Watery too!” Kero said sagely, knowing his sister would love an opportunity to splash about in the pond, and looked forward to her water arches and her splashing.

Clow tried to argue back, but it was halfhearted at best; he had work to get done, it was true, but there was no way he could deny his boys an afternoon of his time, especially when they were working in conjunction to convince him rather than trying to kill one another. This warmed his heart for a moment, till Kerberos threatened to roll him down the stairs if he didn't get moving, and Yue simply wore a look on his face that said ‘Well I won’t stop him.’

So many afternoons were spent like this, the family growing lazy in the hottest part of the day during the summer. When the air was thick and soupy from the scorching sun, and there was no breeze coming off the sea to cool them, it was impossible to focus on spells or letters or sorting potions. Yue had little concentration for his chores, so they ate later in the evenings, and he rose early to do the wash. He would sometimes have enough concentration to practice his flute or violin beneath the shade of their favorite oak, especially if Clow was lying in the cool darkness and asked him in that sweet, sleepy voice of his, but that was about as productive as Yue got between noon and 4 pm. Oftentimes, Clow would bring out the boys other siblings for the day as well. Freeze, Rain, Water, Cloud, all could provide a little relief for the family, in addition to joining in on the company themselves. Cloud was a naughty thing; he would produce a small covering of dense, dark gray clouds to provide extra shade, but would let himself waft about as an actual card, his giggling laughter ringing out over the lawn as they scampered to try and find his next patch. Rain, his twin, wasn’t any better, and was just as likely to provide a gentle, drizzling mist as he was to open up a torrential downpour onto his Masters head. 

Perhaps their favorite companion as the summer drew itself into the searing heat of August, though, was Snow. She would cover an area of the gardens with a thick, powdery layer of white, then join Yue against Kerberos and Clow in a snowball fight (as long as she promised to fight as a physical human, and not simply hurt drifts of snow at them all at once). It was a messy event by any means, with the snow melting quickly, turning into a wet slush within 20 minutes, soaking all involved and leaving slippery mud puddles to slide on. But it kept them cool, it gave Yue a reason to gloat (they often won) and a long, soapy bath almost always followed. It was an annual tradition before the weather began to change, and Yue couldn't help but wonder, fleetingly, as they dredged back towards the house and stripped of their mud-caked clothing, how they would divide their teams in half if there was someday 5 of them. 

)o(

Autumn was warm this year, but was still a reliefe compared to the heatwave they had that summer, and as the leaves began to turn to yellow and gold and the sun began to set earlier in the day, the tone of the house shifted; they loved Autumn, one of the only things they all could agree on. Kero was ore comfortable in his fuir, and he and his brother spend hours outside, building up piles of leaves, glammering up the trees with their newly exposed branches now leaving many new footholds and nooks to nestle into. Yue loved the view of the countryside at this time of year, up high in the gnarled, broad oak that was his and Kerberos’s favorite haunt. the hills around the property rolled like the sea they hid from view. The thick trees were becoming more branch than leaves, and far in the distance, he could see the lights of fires being lit in a nearby village, the halfway point between their rural estate and the city of Guangzhou.

From his study window in the west attic, Clow could easily watch his boys playing there near the pond and an overgrown flowerbed. Despite their age, it seemed, those two would never truly grow up. Yue might fancy himself as a scholar and someone prim and proper, but he was just as likely to spend his free time tearing up the lawn making up games with Kerberos, skipping stones or playing chase as he was to read, sketch or study his Spanish. Morning may find his younger creation coated in grass and panting from a run, maybe bleeding from yet another fight with his brother, but by an evening dinner he would be washed, coiffed and dressed to entertain guests, knowing that his appearance caused many of Clow’s colleagues to question their stance on monosexuality. 

Clow decided to keep it to himself, that he wondered if a child of his would be as much a wild thing as his two guardians.

)o(

“You put in too much nutmeg, Yue,”

“How the hell would you know I put in too much nutmeg? You don’t cook!”

Kerberos fluttered around the counter-top in his small form; his more impressive physique did not fit well into Clow’s well-stocked kitchen, and pilfered treated and stolen bites went much farther as a stuffed toy than a battle lion.

“Yeah, but I can smell better than you can, and I’m telling ya, you put in too much nutmeg!”

Yue raised both eyebrows towards his brother in a “just keep it the fuck up” expression, and flicked a long, loose bit of silvery hair back into his pins.

“I’ve been baking squash bread for 45 years, Kerberos, I think I have some vague notion of what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, and you’re doing it WRONG!” Kero argued, crossing his arms haughtily over his adorably puffed chest. Yue scoffed, one hand on his hip.

“If I baked to your directions we’d just have different flavors of chocolates and sugar every night!”

“And whats wrong with that?!”

)o( 

December brought with it driven snow, Yule, and two brothers with cabin fever. As the Solstice approached, Yue had taken to trying to fill his days with baking, while begrudgingly allowing his sibling to “help” for lack of anything better for him to do; Kero’s idea of winter decorating would give Ming a heart attack. Clows mother loved holidays, any holiday, and between two hemispheres, it seemed she could barely go 3 weeks without finding SOME occasion for which to bake, light candles, or drink; Johnathan was fond of the her enthusiasm, at least. After 530 years of marriage, Yue supposed it keeps life interesting. This year, they were spending Yule with Clow; Clow had been touched at being the chosen son that year, until his father’s letter then continued that they’d drawn names from a hat, and he had a 1 in 5 chance of playing host to his parents. 

Regardless of the reason, Kero and Yue enjoyed seeing Clows family- THEIR family, as it was, and Yue wanted to impress. Anything that could keep longer than a day was already being chilled by Freeze, and tomorrow he would begin mince pies and a Christmas pudding. 

“Would you freaking taste your own cooking, brat?” Kero cried, shaking his head despondently as Yue threw a dash of salt into his bread batter. With another sharp glare, Yue stuck his nose up- and then stuck his tongue out when Kero closed his eyes and sighed.

“I don’t need to, I’ve made this a hundred times, I know what I’m doing” he insisted, churning his spoon faster from his frustration.

“Then prove it!”

“I don’t need to.”

“That’s cause you know you messed up, baby brother!” he chimed, finally dipping a spoon into the batter and hauling it up to Yue’s face. ‘Now taste the damn thing before I go swimming int he batter, and you can serve Grammy a hairy yellow cake.

“bake you in it more like,” Yue tossed back, but finally took a lick of the deep orange batter on the spoon.

Yue Reed did not ever admit he was wrong, but the furious smack he gave his brother left a red mark that Kero wore as a badge of honor as Yue tried to salvage his concoction,

Once Kero had ran off to go show Clow that Yue had bruised him because he was right (“YOUR LITTLE PET BITCH WENT NUTS AGAIN, CLOW, LOOKIT!”) Yue sighed, glad to finally have the kitchen to himself. He loved his brother, sometimes, but he was driving him insane today. There was several inches of snow outside, a rarity in this part of the country, but enough to have all three Reed men looking out into the backyard, giving an agreeable “Nope” and going back to where it was warm, as though the blaring heat of summer was already long forgotten.

He breathed deeply, content to be surrounded by the aromas of cinnamon, of baking bread, of a roast sitting by the fire to cook for tomorrow’s pies. Winter was Yue’s season.

He opened the oven, hands wrapped in a towel, to slip several pans onto the rack and prayed to any listening deity that they didn’t burn; it did little good to ask Fiery, as those two liked to make each others life hell. He closed the door gently, turning to the batch he just removed, and pricked the center again, to be double-sure that it was done all the way through.

‘I could teach them to bake.’ The idea came unbidden, but was not quickly dismissed. While these notions were not a constant on Yue’s mind, they came and went though his thoughts on the regular enough, and right now, he licked a smudge of batter off the side of the bowl, with a fuzzy, vague idea standing beside him. Someone short, without a solid, imaginable face, carefully trying to master the fine art of a sieve and a whisk. He and Clow could both cook, surely anything they made together would as well.

Another lick; he was secretly glad he had diluted his batter, or it would have been shockingly strong on the spices. He’d rather et the bowl than admit that to Kero, though.

)o(

Spring was early, warm, and sweet. Flower and Wood all but refused to be put back into their sealed forms, preferring instead to be given free reign in the gardens, lavishing the budding trees and bushes with their attention, coaxing up the snowdrop flowers, squealing excitedly over the first green shoots of Irises, and wondering when the cherry trees would begin to turn pink.

Clow couldn’t wait to have all the windows open, welcoming the crisp morning dew of spring after a short but cold winter.

“We’ll need to beat the rugs soon,” Yue pointed out as he stood at Clow’s side, leaning out the window of their bedroom. Clow groaned, nudging his hip against Yue’s in the pale morning light.

“Yue, don’t you dare start on me about chores this early in the day!” he complained, though he smiled softly; it was impossible to be morose on a day so clear and gleaming. It was late March, he had fallen asleep in a warm bed next to a beautiful man, and awoken to the same. 

Yue scoffed, pulling his white, gauzy robe tighter around his shoulders where it began to slip; though warming, the morning was still brisk. 

:”Honestly, Master,” he chastised. “if it weren’t for me, your household would disintegrate.”

“Just because spring cleaning and ridding the hose of soot isn’t the first thing on my mind on a warm day doesn’t mean I live in a sty!” Clow argued back, his lose, sleep-matted black hair falling over his shoulders as he leaned farther out the window. “We will get to it when we need to get to it; I think I’d rather go to town today, and you’ll come with me.”

“Kerberos too?”

“if we can wake the great lazy thing,” Clow answered. “Id like to get some bulbs for the garden.”

Yue nodded, bubbling inside at the idea of a day spent in the city with Clow, and hoped quietly that Kero would be impossible to wake. “We could see if there are any tulips available for trade,” he suggested. “If we can find a Dutch vendor-”

“Then we can get chocolates as well!” Clow chimed with a near groan; they hadn’t had much in the way of sweets in months, during the dry season for trade.

Yue hid his smile behind another scoff, his turn to hip-check Clow.

“Why have a child when I already have to deal with you,” he teased, trying to keep his voice light, yet he felt his skin go instantly clammy as he dared to be so bold, and watched Clow’s face closely. His expression seemed mild, but unreadable. Contemplative, Maybe? Yue hoped?

“Nearly April, my love,” Clow replied after a quiet moment, and Yue nodded, though Clow could not see.

“it is, yes.”

“Has the year been long?”

Yue thought about this, leaning heavily onto the white painted window sill, next to his lover.

“It...has, in some ways, but quick in others. I enjoy the rhythms of a year. I enjoy the cycles.”

“You would, my dear Moon,” Clow replied with a glint in his deep blue eyes. Yue leaned his head against Clow’s shoulder, surveying the southern sky, the rising sun bathing their faces in a sidelong kiss.

“There are no patterns or rhythms with children” Clow said quietly. “You like order, Yue…”

Hesitancy? Melancholy? Yue hated Clow’s enigmatic tones of voice. 

“I Do, but I also like cherry tarts; that doesn't mean I do not like other sorts as well. Besides, living with you and kerberos, order and quiet are already unrealistic expectations.”

“Do you find me such a burden?” Clow asked with a hint of mockery in his voice as he stood from the window, and Yue put his hands lightly on his hips, wanting to play smart back, but then thought different.

“Never. An annoyance, at times, and an idiot almost always, but no burden...nothing of you, could ever be a burden on me, Clow.”

The magician gave no answer, but drew Yue’s chin upwards, delicate in a strong, tan hand and kissed him deeply.

 

)o(


	3. Top Shelf Liquor

If Clow Reed expected to find his creation growing anxious or agitated as April began to crawl by, he was sorely mistaken and in need of checking his foresight. Indeed, his Yue seemed as composed as usual, save for the near daily outbursts and skirmishes between him and his older, feline brother, but that had nothing to do with any current situations Clow Reed had on his mind.It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for that; he hardly longed to see his beloved stressed or fretting himself into an upset stomach or sleepless nights as he was prone to doing, however...shouldn’t anxiety be normal?

‘You aren’t anxious,’ his inner voice scolded gently as he accepted tea from Yue, the moon guardian sitting himself beside Clow on the broad couch. He tucked his bare feet beneath him gracefully, and leaned himself against his Master. Then again, Clow wasn’t one to worry. His foresight prevented that, honestly. Since he was young, his vision, his premonitions, revealed the mundane and the marvelous, far before it happened, whether through terrifying nightmares or seemingly random images blurring past his mind in the middle of the day. For this reason, Clow Reed had long ago developed an attitude nearly immune to anxiety. It wasn’t that he was numb to the fear of horrible things lying in his future, he just knew well enough that what would be, would be; knowing what would happen to him one minute made him very grateful for going into the next completely blind. As to this matter, his predictions were infuriatingly silent.

Both master and made were pleasantly tired, spending nearly the entire day out in the gardens, pulling out the plants that had not re-bloomed from their winter hibernation, setting them to shred for compost, and replacing them with new bulbs and seeds. Kerberos was, for once, a great help in this regard. His broad paws worked like small spades or trowels, scooping large holes perfectly sized for seedlings. After a savory dinner, a bath where the water ran brown from all three of them, it was an immense pleasure to finally sink into the comfortable, plush pillows in the library.

“You’re sunkissed, my love,” Clow remarked with a sly grin; Yue’s thin robe was slipping from his shoulder, showing here his skin was faintly pink. He had given up the notion of clothing halfway through the afternoon, working shirtless in the warm sun, his long hair braided into a strong, tight plait and wound into a knot.

Yue pressed his skin delicately, watching it blanch with a slight sting. “Should I go for a tan this summer?” he retorted, his pale lips drawn into a sarcastic smirk. Yue’s skin refused to hold color. He would burn, a few times badly, but it refused to leave any color on his porcelain-white skin.

“Oh definitely!” Clow agreed eagerly. “It’ll be a beautiful contrast to your hair; just make sure it’s an all-over thing, my love.”

“You’ll have me sunbathe nude?” Yue laughed, twisting at his hips to face his husband, draping an arm over the back of the carved couch.

“I’ll have you any way I fancy” he purred, and watched Yue bite his bottom lip delicately between his teeth, his narrow eyes glinting at his lovers teasing words.

“You’re blushing, my dear moon! 50 years with me and you still color like a maiden.”

“I’m SUNBURNT, Clow,” he tossed back, stirring the collecting sugar in the bottom of his tea cup, finally cool enough to sip. He took his with lemon in the summer, rather than cream, and savored the tart bite on his tongue while listening to the tartness of Clow’s own.

“No, no, I’m sure you’re blushing!” Clow insisted, and leaned forward to take a look at Yue’s face more closely. “But don’t hide it; you look lovely like this.”

“In my sunburn,” Yue continues to insist, and he slunk himself toward, closing hte narrow space between them and placed his soft lips to Clow’s cheek. “And you are already starting to freckle, master,” he pointed out, tapping his finger onto the tiny cluster of copper flecks he’d just kissed. “See? This is what happens when we finally drag you out of your study and into the light.”

“You act as though I’m some shut in!” Clow argues back with an actual note of seriousness now. “I spend plenty of time outside!”

“Not enough,” Yue pouted, sipping from his cup again. “Never enough with me.”

“Selfish,” Clow accused.

“Spoiled,” Yue countered, lounging back against the cushions, his pale neck long and his hair slipping from its coils. Gods he was perfect in Clow’s eyes; he could be nothing else. crafted by his own hands, his own soul, his own magic, Yue was Clow’s epitome of beauty, even long before he ever intended to take his creation as a partner. as a newborn guardian in Clow’s arms, thin and toned and pale, Clow was breath taken, no matter what level of conceit that may be. His moon was perfect, ethereal, pristine. He adored him as a “child”, still innocent and short tempered...well, moreso than he still was now that is, and so curious. he adored him as a shy, inexperienced thing, bashful in bed, though eager, needing Clow to teach and control. and he adored him now, as a confident, enthusiastic lover, who could whisper filth in Clow’s ear shocking enough to make him wonder just WHAT Yue had been reading as of late.

Yet even with that, Yue was still, in more ways than one, a being who looked to his Master. For his magic, for instructions on how to serve, both out of bed and, perversely, within it, within the games he and Clow played with such passion. No matter hw old or mature Yue grew, he always saw his Master as moreso. As wise, as knowledgeable, as his creator, even if there were indeed moments that Yue would give him a biting cold shoulder or fling pans around the kitchen when he failed to take his and Keros FERVENT advice on a matter. It wasn’t THEIR fault that they were now banned from Singapore; that was purely Clow and Fiery. And it definitely wasn’t due to their negligence that Clow decided to sleep with and then dump that witch in Brussels last year, resulting in rashes of varying degrees of flakiness. Yue would scold and scorn and scream, but in the end, he always returned to his Masters arms, his Masters bed, or on to his own knees.

“I hope to do little else for the two of you than have you spoiled and happy,” Clow said indulgently, looking one of Yue’s stray locks back into his pins.

“Hmf. Well, I turned out well despite being pampered, but dear Big Brother grew lazy from it; I hope you won’t let our son become the same way.”

“Our hypothetical son, Yue,” Clow corrected gently. “It’s not the 23rd yet. Even then, my love…”

“What, Clow?” Yue quipped, setting his teacup down onto the coffee table. “I know I have long made up my mind; are you saying you’ve changed yours?”

“I never gave my mind on the matter in the first place, Yue,” he pointed out, refilling his own cup; tea, a dash of cream, 3 spoonfuls of sugar. Metal clicked against china as he stirred.

“Perhaps not in an official matter, Clow, but you want children; tell me I am mistaken there.”

Clow could do no such thing, and both knew it.

“I do. I’ve always liked children, I always assumed I would have one of my own, at the least; I would say most men assume they will be fathers at some point, and most of those actually would want to be. But once I knew Yuko and I had a love and a fate that didn’t include such a traditional notion, and once I had Kerberos and you and began to create the cards...it just rather...occurred to me that such a thing wouldn't be in my life.”

“But there’s no reason for that, Clow,” Yue’s voice said softly. “You have me...I know you have women who share your bed as well, any of whom could give you a child, but that wouldn’t be the same now, would it. But you have me. All the lovers you have, but you brought none of them home to be a bride or a partner; is it only because i’m convenient? That I HAVE to live with you?”

“What? Gods, Yue no!” Clow retorted, hurting for his beloved that such a thought could even be formed in his head. “I bring no one else home because a tumble or a tryst or a friend with an open-bed policy doesn’t mean I want someone as a partner. You and Yuko are the only ones in my life that I ?love?, Yue, and you know that. You are my dearest boy because I’,m in love with you, Yue, not because you’re good in bed and just happen to live here!”

Yue nodded, ignoring the fact that he shared the top spot with Ichihara and instead took pride at the fact that it was HE who got their lover the most.

“Well then, Clow. You want to have a child, with someone you love, and here I am, passionately in love with you, as you are me, and more than willing to make this change for you! We have more than enough room, time, money...I don’t understand why would say anything but yes…”

“It isn’t that I want to say no, my Love,” Clow tried to explain, drawing Yue closer to him, to lean against his shoulder. “I just...want you to be sure YOU want this, as I do.”

“If I already had a woman's physicality, would you say yes?”

Clow mulled this over in his mind, chewing on it for a moment, as he surveyed Yue’s form. Beautiful as he was, yes, he was male, in terms of flesh at the very least.

“I don't know,” he finally relented with honesty. “Perhaps I would. It would seem more...less of a shock for you, a challenge…”

“It’s not as though I’m becoming a woman, Clow, or becoming anything I’m not already,” Yue pointed out. “My body is only a construct meant to house what I actually am; moonlight doesn’t have a gender, Clow. I call myself ‘he’ and prefer it, but I’m not some arrogant, brazen man who scoffs at womens work or roles or minds. It would just be a few changes, just for a year or so…”

Clow wrapped his arms around his creation, tucking his head beneath his chin and breathing deeply, inhaling the scent of the oils he used in his hair. he laid a soft kiss to the violet-tinted locks, and nuzzled into the warm strands.

“I know, my love...Yue, I adore you. I love you; I’m in love with you. And I won’t try to pretend that I haven’t gone scarcely a day since last year without at some moment or another thinking about...this, nor will I say the idea doesn't bring me joy. Yue, I would...love to raise a child with you, and accept your offer, your gift...I just need to know, my love, that you truly want this.”

“I do!” he insisted staunchly, eagerly, and with passion. “Clow, I...I’m not ignorant, I’m not a child. You...you always say you want me to speak up, and to make my own decisions...this IS my own decision, Clow, to carry a child for you.”

“For us,” came Clows whispered voice, but Yue could see the smile tugging the corners of Clow’s lips. With a gentle sigh, Yue leaned forward, and barely brushed his lips against Clow's, a whisper that could barely be called a kiss.

“For us, then, Master. For three of us.” He went to pull away, to make another plea to his maker, to form another argument, but he never got the chance. Clow pressed his hand firmly to the back of Yue’s neck, keeping his lover firmly in place as he drew from him the kiss he had just taunted with, and Yue had no desire to even play-act refusal. He returned the kiss with a fervor, parting his lips for Clow’s tongue and letting out a ghost of a sigh as Clow nipped his own tongue daringly sharp. Threading his own hands above the tie of Clow’s own glossy black hair, he leveraged himself to straddle Clows lap as best they could manage sitting sideways on the couch, wanting to be held as they kissed.

)o(

 

April 23rd was warm, clear, and breezy, and neither Clow nor Yue wanted to get out of bed. They snuggled into one another behind the layered bed hangings, half asleep and pretending they didn’t see the room lightening around them as the sun rose higher. Yue laid half-atop Clow, their legs tangled together in nearly as much a mess as their hair, both of whos had come unbound as they slept.

“We should get up,” Clows drowsy voice mumbled, his words slurring and his eyes still closed. Yue made a disapproving noise.

“Comfy,” he purred, enjoying the feeling of Clow’s heartbeat beneath his ear and his arm slung lazily over his waist. “Kero will wake us when he wants fed,” he added. His brother was a lover of sleep, but his solar nature made him an early riser, especially when accompanied by a grumbling belly. Clow grunted his approval and let himself drift back off for a few minutes, gently snoring again.

It was the 23rd, and Yue just wanted to be held. An entire year had passed since Clow made his bargain; an answer in return for patience, one year's time to think fully about whether or not he really wanted this. One trip around the sun, a sojourn through each turn of the wheel, through each season, each an opportunity to savor how it was like the year before, and to wonder how it could be different from the next. A year ago, as spring brought an early heat wave, he had woken up with Clow very much like this, neither needing to sleep any longer, but also not wanting to rise, wanting to savor more stolen moments together. A year ago he had asked Clow why he never wed the witch, why he had allowed his life plans to change so much due to Yue and Kero. And a year from now, that might be completely changed. Well. Almost certainly would be. The last 9 days, since their conversation in the library, had more or less been an informal seal upon their plans, upon Yue’s request. Oaths, promises, dates, they were important things, and it wouldn’t due to cut short a planned year of contemplation. Complete things, finished cycles, solid loops, such things were auspicious, and breaking their perfection was bad energy. Aside from that, it wouldn’t due, for that slip of paper tucked into Yue’s dresser to be all for nothing. Clow said one year, the 23rd of April, and they would make it so, before Clow finally agreed, though it was all said and done in any other way. They had stayed up till past midnight the night before, not dragging Clow away from his work, his spells or his writing, but talking for hours about Clow’s younger brothers, what pains in his young ass they had been. About their own children. About Clow’s parents, about Kerberos, the Deck, and wondering out loud how the hell they would explain this to them. 

If they needed to. If it happened. If. But Yue knew, Clow already had his spellwork done. He already had dug up the runes and talismans and charts he’d used in Yue’s creation, to reference. A simple spell, but one that his maker was obsessively checking and checking again. He did not tell Yue that was what he was scribbling away at in his notebooks, but neither did he deny it, and neither did Yue ask.

)o(

In the same manner of the year, the day passed in a cycle, beginning in darkness, and growing lighter, the warming of the morning feeling so foreign and apart from the cooling of the evening. Broken apart by meals and habits the same way the year was marked with holidays, Yue passed the hours like months, pretending around Kerberos and Dash and Jump that nothing was special or important about the 23rd of April. He made lunch with no fuss, evaded dinner long enough to trick Clow into making it, and watched Fight and Power tussle in the orchard. And like the year, the day grew dark at the end, the light and warmth leaving, the world falling into slumber. Not Yue, though; despite being a week away from a full moon, he was crackling with energy, sitting alert and attentive at Clow’s feet as he finished a letter to a college back in Europe, to request transcripts of some text or another. Kero had fallen asleep in his own room that night, seeing how “cuddly” those two were and making a big hm and haw about them being sickeningly mushy lately; as obnoxious as Kero could be, he was the first to give the two space, if only for his own peace of mind. 

Yue found comfort sitting at Clow’s side at his small side table, a writing slant set upon it with a bottle of ink, a rag, and a glass of wine. He laid his head against his master’s thigh, enjoying the soft, worn eave of his tweed slacks, feeling his heat through them, the slight shift of his muscles as he moved, reaching for a drink, or to refill his pen. Absently, once in awhile, he reached down to lay a hand on Yue’s head, scratching lightly through his hair. Yue nearly purred. He also nearly jumped from being startled as Clow finally clamped the lid to his writing slant shut, groaning his pleasure at having that task out of the way.

“Stodgy assholes will give me the same rigamarole as always,” he scowled. “Some bull about needing to check in with them more often to still be a member of their counsel, to borrow from their library. ‘Be a better patron,’ they will tell me, ‘like your grandfather was!’”

Yue chuckled to himself; this ‘grandfather’ they often praised was Clow himself. Mortal men didn’t exactly take well to witchcraft and men who never aged. Yue had posed as Clow’s wife once, when he had been wrangled into a dinner he couldn't avoid, and had spent the evening more entertained than he should have been fucking with their heads, the both of them. 

“They can’t deny your family name though, Master,” Yue said with an airy confidence, nuzzling his cheek against Clow’s thigh. “They’re intimidated by you, and don’t understand how a half-breed could somehow best them in debate.”

“Exactly like I said, assholes,” Clow sighed, sinking deeper into his winged armchair, letting himself be comfortable. Yue gazed upwards to meet his face, nodding his agreement. “Honestly I’m not looking forward to when they finally corner me into visiting the college again; I’d rather invite Oswald Duncan over for a week stay! Now, Yue, what do you think; a boy, or a girl?”

Yue was taken aback by the sudden change in conversation, and he felt his heart skip and his skin began to grow clammy as he realized what Clow was referring to, what he was alluding. What he’d waited a year for.

“Do...do we have any say in that?” he asked with a voice he pretending wasn’t quivering. Clow shook his head with a smart grin.

“Nope, not as far as I can figure, and I don’t he we ought to anyway. I just wondered which you are hoping for; a boy, or a girl.”

Yue stared at Clow for a long moment, barely processing the question, not really caring enough to have an answer anyway, and just slowly began to smile. That was Clow’s answer, then.

Just as light returns to the world at the end of the year, midnight rang through the room with a glimmer between the two.


	4. The Immorality Of Little Brothers

Yue slumped bonelessly over the guest room’s low-set windowsill, feeling completely drained and exhausted and gasping for breath. He’d been in there for a good twenty minutes as his breakfast rushed back up the same way it went down, straight into a poor azalea bush beneath the window.

After half-crouching there for a few moments longer, fairly sure that he wasn’t going to be sick again- for now, anyway- he collapsed onto the floor, leaning heavily against the wall beneath window, savoring the cool, calming breeze billowing the gauzy curtains. 

It was late July now, 3 months since his and Clow’s final conversation in the library, and honestly, Yue was surprised it had happened as quickly as it did. He’d only just started to feel sick, and had no idea how to gauge when it had happened, but he’d banked on more time between the spell and...this.

The first few times had been the worst. He’d been sick only a handful of times in his short life, and only once had he been physically ill like this, and he’d been barely seven. Yet, it was also an odd sort of comfort, really, like a confirmation. It had worked. The bloody spell had actually worked. Well. Not that THAT part hadn’t been immediately obvious; Clow had been so worried over the past year, about Yue’s consent, about his decision and desire, Yet the biggest hinderance had come with Yue’s crippling shyness over the change to his body. he appeared no different at first glance; his lovers spell did not make him a woman, and it hadn’t been intended to, but even knowing what to expect, it still shocked him, in Clow’s offered privacy behind their changing screen, to reach between his thighs and feel something so ...strange, foreign, and not his. He didn’t come out from behind that screen for 6 hours. 

No, he’d known easily that it worked, but that it ACTUALLY worked on a functional level, he couldn't be sure till the week before, when he’d started feeling ill. He’d smiled a tiny bit the first time, but couldn’t keep even the most faint positive emotion on his face long.

He’d also been taking great care to make himself scarce when he felt himself becoming nauseous (eating at the table seated next to his glutton of a brother was proving a real problem) since he didn’t want Clow to fret or Kero to get suspicious. 

A short while later, after the worst had passed, Yue pulled himself shakily to his feet, pulling his gray tunic back into place and locked himself in the bathroom down the hall. He filled the chipped clay basin up with blessedly cool water from the well and cupped his hands to sip. It tasted sweeter than cream to his parched mouth and calmed his burning throat. Finally ridding himself of the foul sour taste, he cupped his hands again and splashed his face, sighing contentedly as the clear water trailed down his cheeks and neck in trickling rivulets to dampen his collar. He waited in there as long as he dared, peering at his reflection critically in the oval brass-framed mirror that hung above the basin, waiting for his skin to regain its normal hue. He didn’t care if this was normal; he still didn’t want Clow to worry and fuss, which he would undoubtedly do. He was afraid to worry him, to give him any reason to think this was a bad idea. 

Finally certain that he'd pulled himself together (at least marginally so) he took one more sip of water and decided that, with Clow at the market for the day, to spend his afternoon in the library, where he was fairly sure Kerberos was napping.

The two hadn’t spent much time discussing their little…situation. They shared almost a silent agreement not to jinx themselves, not to talk about it, even amongst themselves, until they were sure, because there was every possibility in the world that it wouldn’t take (Yue thought back almost pityingly to the long-suffering azaleas; he was pretty damn sure the spell took.) Really, the only reference the slight off-kilter magician had made was to ask Yue on occasion if he was feeling well. 

And Kero…thankfully, there were times the Kero actually WAS as dense as he looked. He’d grown suspicious the past few months, of Yue and Clow conspiring and whispering, of how Yue suddenly seemed to prefer to bathe alone, or swim with his drawers still on. Although he still fancied himself a sleuth of historic proportions, he was no closer to figuring out Yue’s secret than he was winning a game of chess against Clow (and considering he, at age 62, was still unable to remember what the “little crown-headed thingies” were called, Yue figured he was safe for, oh, a century or two.)

True to suspicion, Yue found the older Guardian snoozing blissfully in a patch of sunlight shining through the window. Honestly, Yue couldn’t understand how ANYone could sleep as much as his brother!

Instead of heading to the back of the library, where Yue’s favorite books were shelved, he settled himself instead at Clow’s roll-top writing desk, tucked away between a low bookcase and a cabinet containing an assortment of colored inks, quills and brushes. However, it was the contents of the desk itself that most intrigued Yue.

In the top drawer, which smelled so strongly of cedar, was a thin, narrow deck of scarlet and gold cards, stacked perfectly straight. Reaching his hand carefully into the drawer, he settled the Deck into his palm, finding the Cards warm and content, all sleeping.

Though there were only 29 Cards thusfar, created over the past several decades, Clow promised that soon, there would be over fifty. Yue loved the look Clow had on his face when he was with the Cards, whether he was coaxing the painfully shy Mirror out of her favorite hiding place beneath that very desk or complimenting Wood on her latest creation of greenery, he always spoke to them in such a kindly way, loving, tender, as though they were his own children. Which in effect, they were, just as he and Kerberos were. Although Clow was almost always smiling, the way his eyes turned up slightly, the way his face beamed proudly when he was with any of them was completely different than the self-satisfied grin he wore after a particularly taxing debate or the usual, infuriating, intoxicating grin that suggested he was in on some grand secret. 

And now it was Yue who wore a calm smile upon his face, shuffling respectfully through the painstakingly painted images of his brothers and sisters, most younger, three older (The Light, The Firey and The Earthy, Kero’s first three Cards, had been created before himself.) Every time his fingertips brushed over a Moon-Ruled Card, the ones he was created to guard and protect, he could feel the inner warmth within the stiff slips of paper increase, and he could almost feel the slight thrum of their hearts. Even in sleep they would always recognize their Guardian or their Master.

His smile faded into a faint grimace, realizing that just as with Kero, the Deck would have to be told SOMEtime. Talk about awkward…With satire in his breath, he snorted, realizing with sudden clarity, as he sometimes did, just how damned weird his family was. To those who belonged to it, they were like any other family in the country, with a father, grandparents and a houseful of brothers and sisters, whom were at times closer knit than a pack of forest wolves, and at others ready to tear one another’s throats out like one. 

But…most people's sister’s weren’t green, leafy and six inches tall, and their older brother’s weren’t half-ton slabs of lion with a sugar addiction. Most young men his age probably didn’t have to worry about a peasant walking to market seeing their father sprout a pair of angelic wings from his back to help pick the fruit from the tops of trees.

Yue shook his head, torn between sadistic amusement and bewildered disbelief. Deciding to forgo both in favor of a peculiar pride, he set the deck back into the drawer, carefully aligning the edges into perfect order, matching corners. Being mindful not to jostle the Deck, he slipped the drawer closed, letting his family sleep.

“So whatcha doin’?

“Aiiiiiiia!” Yue shrieked, becoming temporarily un-Yue like as he swung around sharply at the unexpected presence behind him.

Kero was beside himself in a giggling fit, rolling around on his back as he clutched an ache in his furry side.

“Oh, Bon! You shoulda seen your face!” he sniggered with tears in his eyes. “Like you’d seen a ghost or something!” And he returned to his previous state of being overcome with laughter. 

Yue wasn’t laughing. No, the younger Guardian didn’t find anything funny in this at all. He HATED when Kerberos snuck up on him like that! He gave the lion a long, piercing glare, which, naturally, went unnoticed. Nursing a wounded pride, the angel tugged at his tunic indignantly, standing in a huff.

“When you’re quite through enjoying my paranoia and jumpiness as part of your personal repertoire of entertainment,” he began coldly, using his most stiff and staunchy English, “I shall be joyous to remind you that I’M making dinner tonight.” And he turned on his heel in a haughty pout, trying to regain some of his bruised ego. 

“You’re…it’s your….oh crap!” the lion lamented dejectedly, knowing that pissing off Yue before dinner usually meant burning spices and a plethora of peppers in dinner, and naught but fruit for dessert.

His laughter was now a nervous and jittery chortle and he leapt to his paws to race after his little brother, calling out as he ran.

“Bo-, er, Yue? Come on little brother, we can talk about this! …ne?”

)o(

Fate and Karma were cruel and bitchy sisters. Yue was sure that the two of them stayed up for late-night gossips, which seemed, as of late, to be established on the sole purpose of how best to kick Yue while he was down. 

He supposed Fate had the most to do with it, or rather her estranged cousin, Logic. It was logical that he wouldn’t be able to keep hiding this from Kerberos for very long. He was nearly positive Clow knew for sure, and it would only be a matter of time before he either had to fess up willingly or under the interrogation of one Sun Beast.

Unfortunately, his brother wasn’t the main thing on his mind two days later after lunch as he found himself once again in the first floor guest room, scratching soy sauce off the list of tolerable foods for the next several months (said list was growing increasingly shorter with every meal.) He decided to give the pitiful azaleas a break and moved down one window, and was currently unable to scrape together an ounce of sympathy for whatever woebegotten plant had the ill favor of Karma to be placed under that particular window. 

Gods he was miserable. His stomach was tied in knots, churning with rage and rebellion and he shivered from the glisten of sweat covering his skin. 

He pressed his forehead against his folded arms, breathing deeply and shakily, silently begging his stomach to calm itself. He focused entirely on breathing slow, hoping that the barely visible motion would be less jarring to his rebellious stomach…

Wrong.

He’d eaten nothing for lunch that day, reasoning that it would quell his sickness, but it only made it worse. His throat burned as he coughed up nothing but bile, his belly twisting in convulsions so painfully he couldn’t help but whimper n an almost self-pitying way. 

“Yue?”

Fuck.

Despite being bent almost completely over the window, blood thrumming in his ears like a drum, Kero’s voice, loud and carrying as it was, was unmistakable. If the angel hadn’t been so set on keeping his mouth closed for fear of being ill again, he would have swore out loud. 

Instead, he let himself sag backwards, unfolding himself from the white painted window sill and turning to lean against the wall, as he usually did. If he was able to sit there after a spell, in the cool and quiet room, he usually found the strength to get up rather quickly, and would sip at cold water from the bathroom tap until the last dregs of nausea died down. Time and quiet, that’s all he needed…

Unfortunately, he had neither one of those. Fresh out, but he DID have a surplus of nosy and uninformed older brother on hand.

Within 2 seconds of noting Yue’s pallid face, disheveled robes and hair damp with sweat, Kero was on him in a flash.

“Yue? What the hell happened? Are you OK? Are you sick?” 

Still not trusting himself to speak, Yue scrubbed a hand roughly over his face and shook his head ‘no.’ Kero, of course, did not notice, as he was too busy tugging at Yue’s shirtsleeve encouragingly, obviously to wring an answer from him.

“You look like shit, Yue. You must be sick. I told Clow not to keep serving that raw fish, but does he listen? Hell no! He just-“

“I am not sick, Kero,” Yue finally managed to croak, now feeling more irritated than anything else as a headache was quickly replacing his morning sickness. 

Surprisingly the Sun Beast stopped talking for a record-breaking 3 seconds mid-rant, shaking his head authoritatively. 

“I just watched you hurl into a bed of petunias,” he argued, and Yue, not really listening at all, made a vague mental note to pay extra attention to the petunias and azalea’s next spring or he’d have Mother Nature biting him in the ass as well. 

Warm golden eyes studied the young man before him critically, the fur standing up in tufts between his eyes as he furrowed his brow, taking Yue’s distracted musings as further proof of his supposed food poisoning.

“That’s it. I’m getting Clow.”

Shit. That was just what he needed.

As the lion turned his form on a dime, intent on sprinting from the room to find their Master, Yue reached out and grabbed at the furrier of the Guardians, latching a firm hold onto his tail, which succeeded in doing two things; one, it stopped Kerberos dead in his tracks. Second, his bellowing wake every cemetery resident within twenty miles. 

“YEEEEEOUCH!” he roared, flisking back around with the feline instinct to bite, but his un-feline humanity had his snapping his jaws on nothing but air as he retrained himself, reminded in a matter of lucky moments that it was his baby brother whose arm he could have ripped open and damn it but blood was a pain to scrub from a hardwood floor!

“God damn it!’ he cursed, sitting back n his haunches to coddle his poor tail like a sulking boy with a paper cut. “What the hell did you do that for?”

Yue gave into his own instincts and growled discontentedly in his throat, silvery-purple orbs narrowed in true pissed-off-Yue fashion; cold and icy and infuriatingly proud.

“I told you once,” he ground through clenched teeth. “I am not sick. I’m perfectly fine-“

“But you were just-“ Kero began to defend, but Yue spoke over him.

“And if you so much as THINK about telling Master-“

“Telling Master what?”

Yue mentally smacked his palm against his forehead in irritation as Clow chose that very minute to walk through the duty, oft neglected and rarely used guest bedroom. 

This was SO not his day. 

“Tell me what?” he asked again with a mild and patient interest, setting himself down comfortably in the chair by the small desk, indicating that he was willing to wait for an answer. 

“Nothing, Master,” Yue replied evenly, bowing his head with respect. “I’m fine.”

Clow ‘hmm’ed quietly, seeming to be only half interested in the situation before him, as though a lion with raised hackles and an angelic being with uncharacteristically rumbled clothes was about as remarkable as a glass of water. Neither of the two magical constructs in question were that stupid, though. Clow’s lack of concentration and questioning was not a sign of disinterest but rather prior knowledge. The damned magician probably knew exactly what was going on and was just trying to trick them into fessing up!

He leaned back casually in the chair, bringing one ankle to rest on his knee, practically lounging, as though ready for a nap.

“I did not ask you if you were alright, Yue,” he commented airily, with all the randomness that was a trademark of the man.

“I…er…pardon me?” Yue stammered, hating the way that his lover’s insanely pleasant smile could make both his heart race and his head throb with a confusing mix of desperate love and agitating misunderstanding. 

“I did not ask you if you were alright, my Yue,” Clow said again with the tone of a joke-teller who was just about to get to the punch line and couldn’t help but smile at the humor. “Which must mean that you are not, in fact, fine.”

“Er…mind talkin’ in a language we know, old man?” Kero snorted, feeling the first pangs of a migraine himself. “We know several, so it can’t be that hard.”

Patience was perhaps one of Clow’s best traits. Yue wasn’t sure if it was something he’d always had or a skill he’d acquired after having to raise his Kerberos and himself, but wherever it came from, it was as steadfast and strong as the Great Wall. 

One last time, Clow said, “I did not ask Yue if he was alright. I asked him what it was he did not want you to tell me. Now, if Yue had responded that ‘everything’ was fine I would have to conclude that he had done something wrong and the ‘everything’ was actually ‘something’ and was not fine. If he had said that ‘it was nothing,’ I would know something was troubling him and he felt too ashamed or frightened to admit it. But he said neither. Instead, he said “I’m fine” from which we can infir that, since he answered this way to a question that was not asked, that he had a personal issue concerning him that was pressuring on his mind.”

Kero sat stalk still, a drop of sweat running down his face as his muzzle hung halfway open and his tail froze mid-swish. Yue tried to look like he knew what Clow was talking about, but the fine line that appeared between his eyebrows betrayed the fervent way the cogs and gears of his mind were turning to try and sort this into culpable speech. 

“In other words, Yue wouldn’t have answered an unasked question if he hadn’t been concentrating so hard on that answer.” Turning to speak to the man in question, he smiled, his angled eyes sparkling sapphire blue . “So, Yue. Tell me what’s troubling you.”

At the same time Yue replied with a prim “I’m fine, thank you,” Kero retorted with a sullen “He’s sick and stubborn and he pulled my tail!”

Clow studied first the formal yet drained posture of his youngest guardian, then the prideful huff in his eldest, this time with a substantial bit of worry painting his face.

“Are you feeling sick, Yue?” he prompted, making note of how unusually pale his already light skin was. 

Yue shook, letting his gauzy bangs hide his outright lying eyes. “No, Master. I told you already, I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong.”

To his left came a skeptical scoff. “Sure. THAT’S what he told me after I saw him lose his lunch out a window!” he proclaimed with the authority that only an older brother could achieve. 

Now it was Clow who wore creases between his eyes, but his were from concern rather than confusion. Uncrossing his legs, he pulled himself to his feet only to crouch down again before Yue, who kept his head decidedly downcast.

Reaching out, Clow brushed aside the curtain of Yue’s loosely tied hair to cup his cheek, brushing his thumb tenderly over the delicate bone.

“You don’t feel warm,” he commented, almost ionically, for the mere presence of Clow’s touch was bringing a blush to Yue’s face. 

“I should think not, since I’m not-“

“But you look terrible.”

Needless to say, Yue was not particularly tickled by this comment. Actually, he was a little offended! He was sure he wasn’t looking his best, but a little tact, please!

Bastard. 

Kero tried, and failed, to stifle a self-satisfied chuckle as Yue’s expense. The angel turned to glare at him, his mind set on giving him a wounded what-for, but his Master was quick to cut him off. 

“If you’ve been feeling sick, Yue, I think you should be in bed,” he said, as soft and calm as though merely making a suggestion, but Yue knew he could easily make it an order. 

“Master, I don’t-“

“Yue,” Clow’s tone was low and warning, and he peered at Yue over the tops of his thin round spectacles with one eyebrow raised.

Damn him! He always picked the wrong times to use that tone of voice! It was only one word, his own name, moon, but he said it with such authority and strength…Yue loved it when he used that tone, as long as it wasn’t for something he really did do wrong, like that whole thing with the library window. 

Yue could hate him if he wasn’t so deeply in love.

Using a softer tone, Clow added, “Just do as I ask, please. I just want to make sure you’re…doing alright.”

Kero may have been too puffed up with ego to notice the brief pause in Clow’s speech, but Yue didn’t. The few quiet, hesitant moments compounded with the bond between his own heart and Clow’s finally had Yue getting it. He lowered his eyes demurely, silently apologizing for his stubborn insistence in a way that his brother would hopefully mistake it for relenting. 

“fine,” he grumbled meekly, pretending to be too tired to argue his case any further. He allowed Clow to ‘help’ him up, lying his hand in his and let Clow pull him to his feet with evident ease. Holding him close, Clow led him from the bedroom and down the hall to Yue’s own. Halfway out the door, they nearly closed the heavy latch on Kero’s tail as he barely managed to squeeze through the narrow opening in time.

“Hey, watch it old man!” he grumbled, flicking his now much-abused tail forward to wrap around his hind legs for safe keeping. “I’m comin’ with you!”

“The hell you are,” Yue hissed over his shoulder, glaring at him with all the contempt he could muster. He’d already pissed him off by tipping off Clow, was he really dense enough to push his luck that far?

“The hell I’m not!” came the reply as the lion puffed his chest out, throwing his broad head back with superiority. As they crowded into Yue’s bedroom at the end of the hall, he added with a bit more consideration, “Besides. You’re my brother, no matter how many times I deny it. If you’re sick, I can’t very well trust you to your own devices, right?”

Sure that he had suddenly gone mad, Yue stopped abruptly and turned partway in Clow’s arms to look at his brother with genuine sincerity. “That…that’s an unusually kind thing for you to say.”

Kero obviously realized that his tediously crafted reputation as at stake, because he quickly added, “But if you pass your germs on to me, I swear I’ll tie your hair to the bedpost and yell ‘fire’ again!”

‘And it’s gone in a flash,’ Yue sighed mentally with only a hint of regret. Unfortunately, he was in no temper to think of a come back and anyway Clow was already leading him over to his bed, coaxing him to sit. 

Yue complied easily enough, taking a somewhat guilty pleasure in the firm and secure way Clow held him so protectively, as though fearing he truly was sick. Still trying to appear tired and worn for the benefit of the performance he was putting on for Kero, he slumped into a shamefully poor posture that caused an ache to flare in his shoulders.

“Kero-Chan, will you please do me a favor?” Clow inquired lightly, turning to look at Kero while still keeping his hands bracingly on Yue’s shoulders. “I know I have ginger down in the left pantry SOMEwhere, but I haven’t seen it in ages! Will you please see if you can root it out for me?”

Although Kero instinctively rose to obey the request, he hesitated after only 3 steps and turned back around to face his master suspiciously. 

“Wait a minute…you’re not sending me on some wild goose-chase just to get me out of the room ,are you?” his tone was just as accusatory as his look.

The look of innocence Clow gave in response could have fooled even Yue, who knew Clow better than anyone else. 

“Kero, I’m surprised at you,” he chastised lightly. “Your brother’s ill and here you’re getting all paranoid. Now please do as I told you.”

Kero scrutinized the magician a moment longer before giving a sharop nod of approval and understanding and left the room on a quest for ginger, closing the door behind him with a back paw and a lot of conspiratory muttering.

Both lovers heaved a silent sigh of relief, Clow turning back to face his child.

A twinge of guilt now agitated his stomach as he caught a glance at the look in Clow’s eyes. Swimming in his deep cerulean irises was a mix of worry, concern, elation and confusion all swirling around one another.

“Clow…” he whispered, lowering his eyes with guilt as he realized where the concern and confusion was coming from. “You know as well as I do that I’m not sick.”

Instead of answering right away, Clow moved aside to settle himself on the bed beside Yue, sinking into the too-soft mattress. Being the heavier of the two, the mattress dipped much lower beneath him, causing the angel to sway off-balance and right into Clow’s arms. 

Startled to find himself suddenly off-balance, but pleased with where he landed, Yue relaxed instinctively against the folds of Clow’s shirt, his slighter frame nearly swallowed by Clow’s. He’d always felt safest in Clow’s embrace, even as a new creation. Shy and surly as he was, he could most likely be found clinging to the back of Clow’s cloak or throwing a fit for Clows atrention. 

Although Clow was much more to him now than a father, he still sought the comfort of his Master’s arms, sometimes as innocently as lying his head of his knees as they both read or as un-innocent as holding one another in bed, completely bare. 

“Yes, I know that,” Clow agreed, and Yue could feel his voice in his chest, tickling his ear. Such beautiful music. “What I don’t know is why you didn’t come talk to me as soon as you were sure.”

The angel winced slightly, sure he was about to be lectured.

“Er…” Yue struggled to explain himself, which wasn’t easy, seeing as how Clow’s damned hand was intent on distracting him by playing with his hair. “I…I didn’t want you to fuss and worry, that’s all.”

Clow’s hand stilled, silvery strands of cool spider’s silk woven between his nimble fingers. After a beat, he relaxed again, bringing his hand to rest at Yue’s neck.

A soft sigh gusted Yue’s bangs as Clow murmured, “Yue, honestly. You are impossible at times.”

“U...um?” Yue stammered, turning his face upwards to look at Clow questioningly. 

Unable to resist, Clow pulled gently at the hand behind Yue’s neck, bringing his husband closer and nuzzleing against the soft sheet of hair. 

“Yue, you’re pregnant,” he stated bluntly, with no hesitation or awkwardness. “Don’t you think you deserve to be fussed over a bit? Or that I have every right to worry about you?”

Yue didn’t know what to say. Deserve? What sort of question was that for Clow to ask of him? Yue was a creature of willing and grateful subservience, no matter how his Master tried to coax him to believe otherwise. He felt he deserved only what his Master chose to allow him, knowing Clow would make sure he never wanted for anything. And he wanting nothing more at the moment than for Clow to not worry himself about The Situation. 

He raised his hand to Clow’s chest, unsure of whether he wanted to push himself away or draw closer.

“Besides,” Clow continued, returning to brushing Yue’s partially loose hair lovingly. “I can’t very well just leave you to look after yourself now, can I?”

Taken aback, Yue instinctively went on the defensive. “Clow! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

Clow nodded slowly in agreement. “That’s true. But it’s not just you that you need to look after now. I notice that you didn’t have anything to eat yesterday.”

“I don’t need to eat, Master,” Yue pointed out, with the sinking feeling that he wasn’t going to win this debate. Then again, did he ever?

“YOU don’t,” Clow emphasized strongly, “but the baby does. Didn’t you think about that?”

He hadn’t. It hadn’t even crossed his mind. With a chill spreading rapidly through his body he realized he’d skipped several meals since that night, since he himself didn’t need even a bite of food for sustenance. He hadn’t even stopped to think that it wouldn’t be the same way for the baby.

Clow could feel Yue stiffening in his arms, his form going rigid. 

‘Damn it,’ he berated himself silently, realizing he’d done nothing but scare and guilt the angel, exactly what he didn’t want to do. 

“Hey, look at me,” he asked delicately, giving him a gently shake. He was met with shamed and frightened amethysts for only a moment before Yue ducked his head down, clenching his eyes shut in remorse.

“ I…I didn’t even think about that…” he admitted, unable to look at anything other than his own hands, which were twisting knots in his lap.

‘Not even two months and I’ve already screwed up,’ he thought bitterly of himself.

But Clow was having none of that. He shook him again, more urgently this time.

“Yue, I told you to look at me,” he repeated firmly, knowing full well that Yue would do as he said in that tone. He hated that fact, and hated the voice he had to use.

Just as expected, Yue grudgingly looked up, looking for all the world as though afraid he was going to be scolded. Clow honestly couldn’t figure out where Yue got that particular trait, as he hadn’t exactly spent a lot of time being punished as a ‘child’. It was Kero who Clow was usually screaming after. Perhaps it was just the moods of the moon. 

“Yue, just calm down.” He insisted, peering at him lovingly through his glasses. “I’m sure everything’s fine.”

Yue couldn’t see how. He’d inadvertently attempted to starve his unborn child. 

‘At this rate the kid won’t make it to a year,’ he thought satirically; sarcastic yet bitter; the patented Yue way. 

There were times when Clow would swear that Yue’s head was about as dense as Kero’s, especially when it came to listening to logic. Brilliant conversationalist, he was. Witty, composed, but he always had to learn things the hard way!

Stubborn bastard.

God he loved him.

“Everything’s fine,” he repeated, trying to reassure the sullen Guardian. “You’ve been sleeping so much more than usual; you’re not human, it’s likely that your ways of gaining strength pass along to him, at least a little.” He pulled his heavy hair back behind his shoulders; he didn’t know where or when yue had lost his other hair tie. Instead of asking, he undid the cord in his own, letting his black hair loose to fall in a messy and unevenly cut mass just past his shoulders. Gathering Yue’s white strands into a bunch at his collar he wound the blue cord around it, knotting it securely.

“There,” he said warmly, tipping Yue’s face upwards to meet his own. “Now I can at least see your pretty face.” 

Yue made a mental note to wear his hair back more often, if that was the look he’d get from Clow. He still had his fingers entwined in his ponytail, savoring the soft texture and faintly sweet scent. And his fingertips kept massaging at the tender spot, right at his hairline…

Suddenly Clow’s grip became stronger, more urgent as he tightened his hold on Yue’s hair, tugging sharply but hardly unpleasantly. It drew his forward, with Yue overbalancing and landing partially in Clow’s lap. He ended up with his forearms pressed against Clow’s chest, with Cow’s own arms encircling his waist and shoulders, keeping his so close to him. He said nothing, but he didn’t need to; the way his eyes closed part way behind his spectacles, glinting suggestively was more than enough.

All too pleased with their situation, Yue offered a very slight smile, tilting his head backwards a hair, hoping Clow would get his hint.

He did, with a rumbling and contented sigh, Clow dres his angel closer still, leaning down hungrily for a kiss-

But before their lips could feel anything more than the ghosting breath of the other, Yue gasped deep in his throat, a sharp yet muffled noise and pushed back with all the force he had, which was a surprising amount, all things considered; not enough to push Clow backwards, but enough to disorient him.

“Yue?” he asked, alarmed, as he tried to simultaneously straining his gone-askew glasses and pry his hair away from his eyes. “Did Kerberos walk in on us again-?”

He was finally able to disentangle himself from his own hair just in time to see Yue run full-kilt from the room, his face hued an off-putting shade of green. 

“Er…oh…” he said to himself, debating whether to follow him or just let him have his minute and dignity. He had just stood, having decided to run after him when he heard a door slam just moments before the words “ARGH! Again with the TAIL!” resounded through the cobblestone corridor with an anguished, long suffering echo. 

As Kerberos howled and lamented about his poor, abused tail, all the while cursing Yue, Clow, and whoever thought of the idea of little brothers, Clow recoiled, setting himself back down on Yue’s bed slowly, as though fearing it too would turn on him.

Flustered and unsure of what to do, the overwhelmed sorcor did a bit of mental arithmetic, realizing with an accompanying headache that March was going to be a long, long seven months away. 

)o(

Clow was only partially lying when he sent Kero downstairs to find ginger. He DID at one point have a glass jar of shredded ginger root in the left pantry, but that was years ago. He now kept the herbs and spices on the top shelf in the 3rd cupboard, far out of Kerberos’s reach. So yes, perhaps he DID send his son on yet another wild goose chase, but so what? He couldn’t very well let him catch on here. 

And at least he didn’t actually FIND ginger in the left pantry…that would have been foul. 

Of course, this logic did nothing to placate the enraged lion when Clow pulled the siena-red graitings from the top shelf. 

“You…you tricked me!” he accused indignantly, as though Clow had just told him he’d been sold to a pack of gypsies in a traveling circus. “You cheat! You swindler! You stark-raving mad mage!”

“Now, Kerberos,” Clow smiled bracingly, finding the whole ordeal more than a little humourous. “You shouldn’t be so loose with the compliments! My pride is already as big as the courtyard, as you so often remind me.”

Kero growled sulkingly, padding over to his warm corner of the kitchen to brood, pout and plot revenge on his unsuspecting Master.

“Crackpot,” he muttered under his breath. He HATED it when Clow acted the complete opposite of how a normal person should. Most people would be insulted at having been called an insane swindler, but Clow? Was flattered!

“That explains his unexplainable attraction to Yue, then.” He continued. “Lunatics are always drawn to one another. Bird-brains of a feather!” and he chuckled appreciatively at his poor attempt at a joke, not realizing that by lying in the corner and laughing to himself it was HE who appeared to be the unhinged one of the Reed household. 

Speaking of which…

It bugged the living Hell out of him that those two were keeping secrets! Whatever they were hiding behind their backs must be major, since they’d been at it for upwards of three months. 

The great feline rolled over onto his side, warming his rumbling belly by the wood stove, a delicious contrast to the cold stone floor. 

He wasn’t angry at them, per se. He knew very well that there were things that happened between them that he didn’t know, hell, that he didn’t WANT to know! And he supposed he was partly to blame; it was he, after all, who constantly teased Yue about his “cute little crush” on their Master, hinting that they’d make “SUCH an adorable couple!”

Course that didn’t mean he wasn’t shocked out of his furry hide when he walked into the kitchen one evening for a post-dinner pre-midnight snack pick-me-up only to find the two practically attached at the lips! (he couldn’t complain though, because the terrific blackmail and teasing-foder he had on Yue for months after that was enough to compensate for the minor heart attack.)

But still…Just because he’d given his blessing long before either one of them knew it did NOT mean they could just but him out of the picture! Those two were the worst ones for a gossip; Clow spoke only in riddles and yue just got pissy and clammed up! It wasn’t Kero’s fault that he loved a good bit of gossip every now and then, or that sometimes said gossip got accidently repeated in mixed company during the New Year’s Dinner Party to a room full of guests…and he’d only done that once!

“They’ll never tell ME anything!’ he grumbled, feeling very sorry for himself. He was settling in for a good bit of angsting, Kero-Chan style (loud sighs, attention-grabbing sniffled and the most melodramtic words of anguish he could summon) when it hit him.

‘That’s it!’ he thought triumphantly! ‘It’s so completely, fool-proofly perfect! I can’t believe I’m the one who thought of it! Well, ok…I can, but that’s not the point! If Clow and Yue won’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll just get someone else to find out for me!’ The Deck was full of big ears and even bigger mouths, and he knew just the right Ca-

SHWOOOOOOOOT!

The shrill, piercing whistle of the teakettle ripped though Kero’s plots of subterfuge, scaring him out of his fur.

“Gyaack!” he cried out, bumbling over his own paws and tail as he scrambled to sit up again. Looking around wildly in search of the source of that racket (Clow was about to have one less teakettle) he found said magician pouring a cup full of the hot, steaming tea, filling the kitchen with the scent of ginger.

Clow’s deep laughter echoed through the room, a sound that was never truly unkind but could definitely rub one the wrong way, especially when they were the ones eliciting such amusement.

“You know, Kerberos; when you sulk like that, pouting all indignantly, it’s easy to see the family resemblance between you and your brother,” Clow mentioned offhandedly, setting the kettle back onto the iron stovetop to keep it’s contents from chilling.

This did nothing for Kero’s wounded pride. “Family resemble- We do NOT look alike!”

“Yes, you do,” Clow retorted, unable to keep himself from smiling at Kero’s blundering as he tried to salvage his reputation.

“You need new glasses, Clow!” he accused temperamentally. “There is no way anyone with any sense of sight at all could compare MY devilishly handsome features and laid-back charm to a pretty-boy with no sense of fun!” he paused, mid-triumphant-pose, so add. “Speaking of which, where IS Mr. Personality Disorder?”

“He’s upstairs,” Clow replied simply. He placed the tea cup along with a glass of water on a small tray, picking it up with both hands and balancing it carefully with practice. “I’m afraid he isn’t feeling well right now.”

“I knew it!’ bellowed Kerberos, with way too much pride for someone who was told their brother was unwell. But then again, that was his Kero-Chan- boast first, ask questions later. “I knew that little creatin was lying through his teeth! Watched him toss his cookies into the garden, I did, and he has the gall to lie right to my-hey! I’m talkin’ here!” His constant banter turned into indignant offense as Clow backed lightly into the swinging kitchen door, still carrying the metal tray.

“Now, Kero; I just told you that Yue is sick; don’t you think you can wait an hour or so and THEN finish your outraged rants of conspiracy and the immorality of little brothers?”

Kero gave a dismissive scoff as a reply, waving one broad paw dismissively.

“Aw, Loony can’t be that far gone if you have the time to stand around making tea. Puking your guts out into a petunia is gross, but hardly a death sentence. NOW, as I was SAYING,” but his Master had long since vacated the kitchen, leaving Kero to finish his tirade with only the stove and teakettle as his captive audience. With a nervous sigh, he hoped he was well across the manor before Kero opened his eyes again and decided to make a fuss.

With the loudest member of their little family occupying himself in the kitchen, the manor was quiet. A few ticking clocks reached his ears, accompanied by his own shuffling footsteps and the gentle rattle of china against metal. Outside, it was late May, with a cool evening breeze dancing across blossomed branches. Now and then, as he passed a window on his way upstairs, he could hear the boughs scraping against the glass panes.

The bedrooms were all on the second floor; 6 in all, though only 3 (and sometimes just two) were ever occupied. Clow’s was at the very end of the hallway, with Kero just catacorner and Yue’s directly next to that. More often than not, though, Yue was either making himself comfortable in Clow’s bed or, on more sleepworthy nights, Kero would lounge before the fireplace in Yue’s own quarters, sometimes even climbing to curl at the foot of the bed, if it was particularly cold that night.

Currently the moon guardian was content to remain in his own room, curled up and drowsing in an armchair betwixt the hearth and the window. The navy velvet drapes had been drawn part-way, tied back with bits of silver cord. Outside, the late evening sky was almost as deep as the curtains, though still tinged with a kiss of pink at the horizon. The moon was waxing, and would be full and gleaming in just a week. Now it hovered just above the rooftops of the village, about 2 miles away. Even as he watched, he could see tiny specs of light begin to flicker in windows and in streetlamps, and the nocturnal citizens began their evening.

But Clow wasn’t here to look at the village or the candles or the moon…ok, well, maybe that last one. Yue speared to be half-asleep, a book lying forgotten over the arm of his chair. He perked himself up, however, as soon as Clow walked in, not wanting to be caught lazing so early in the evening, especially when the full moon was fast approaching. But Clow didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he simply sat a silver tray up on the mantle, picking up the teacup and offering it to Yue silently.

Yue took a moment to savor the smell; spicy and sweet at the same time. “Ginger?” he guessed, recognizing the seasoning.

Clow nodded, taking a seat in a straight-backed chair opposite his lover and scooting it closer, closing the gap between them so that, if Yue hadn’t had his legs tucked beneath him, he was sure his knees would be bumping against his. “It’s good for an upset stomach,” he reminded him, to which Yue just nodded once in agreement and took a tentative sip. Finding it pleasing enough, he took another. 

Yue could only remember a handful of times when he felt awkward or anxious around his Master, excluding times of misbehavior. When he first began to notice Clow as more than just his creator, he had found that he wasn’t sure how or if he was expected to change the way he acted around Clow to match the change in his emotions. After their first kiss…he was a wreck for a week. And now he felt that again; unsure how he was suppose to react to a change.

The moon is not good at changes,. One might find this inaccurate, as the moon is in constant evolution, growing or shrinking throughout the month. But those are patterns, rituals, timed like precision clockwork. This does not upset the moon. Sometimes the owl’s orb will rise orange, or blue, or a glistening, haunting gray, but once would never see a green moon, or a polka-dotted one. This would be just too drastic for the cyclic satellite to handle.

And Yue, as well…Yue….was stressed more than reason at simply being so near his Master. What was he suppose to say> Just go about business as usual? Speak of poetry, a humorous moment in his day, ask an intriguing question to start a debate?

He didn’t know. He just didn’t. He liked to carry himself as being very self-assured and knowledgeable, and he WAS…he just didn’t know-

“How have you been feeling, Yue?” 

Yue looked up from staring blankly into his tea, up at Clow who, if his casual and comfortable body language were any indication, wasn’t feeling the strain that Yue was. 

But then again, he WAS Clow.

“Um…” he searched for the right words shyly, like a small child. “I’m…I’m alright. A little ill as of late, but nothing noteworthy.”

Ah, the classic Yue-under-stress response; formal, dignified and irritatingly uninformative. He began to busy himself by swirling the spoon in his teacup and taking a long, slow drink. 

This wasn’t suitable enough of an answer for the magician. “Besides that,” he encouraged lightly, “Surely you’ve had more emotion swirling around in that pretty head of yours in the last month and a half then that.”

“Erm…I’m not sure,” he began still terribly interested in studying a chip in the cup’s mint green handle. “I…nervous, I suppose. Anxious. But…excited as well.” He winced slightly at his stuttering and broken speech.

But Clow didn’t seem to notice. He just smiles serenely, as he always did, no matter the topic, with his eyes closed, so relaxed.

“I am as well,” he finally admitted into the quiet room, breaking into the white noise of the crackling white and the gentle clinking of Yue’s spoon. “But I suppose that’s only to be expected now, isn’t it? For you, especially.” 

“Hmm…” was Yue’s only vague reply. The heat wavering from the fire was really making him tired, and he had a sneaking suspicion that ginger wasn’t the only homeopathic herb in his tea.

“So when do you propose we tell Kero?” he asked, tiredly, finally draining the last of his tea and graciously accepting the water Clow offered. Ginger had a lovely taste, but it lingered rather foully on the pallete. 

Clow thought for a moment, taking off his glasses to polish them on his English-style shirt, careful to not scratch the glass with his buttons. “I am not sure,” he replied thoughtfully. “I think he deserves to know, and, well…as close as you two are, it won’t be long before this little secret becomes, erm…difficult to keep hidden.”

Yue reddened as he realized what Clow was referring to. 

He smiled at just how adorable Yue was when he blushed. “And with as rough as you can get when the pair of you are fighti-er, playing, I think it’s best if we tell him before too long.”

Yue wasn’t eager to agree, but he found it difficult to argue with Clow’s logic. Instead, he chose to find resentment in a less crucial point.

“I am not that delicate, Master Clow,” he let him know with dignity, pulling his drowsy form up straighter. “I CAN handle myself in a tussle.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” the sorcerer replied bracingly, eyes turning in the corners as he grinned. “But now…you have to watch yourself more. And if our dear Kero isn’t aware of your…situation…and he were to decide that a sharp pounce would be fun…”

He had nothing to say to this; Clow wasn’t stupid. He had thought this through almost better than Yue had himself. He just had a sinking feeling that this was going to become rather an aggravation.

So he silently conceded the point, his pride far too overbearing to verbally admit his loss, even to Clow.

But Clow didn’t mind. Yue was a stubborn man when he wished to be, which were only on the days that ended in “Y.” His lack of a rebuttal was enough to let his master know he agreed, if reluctantly. 

The firelight did such beautiful things to Yue. The glow stained his white hair all sorts of yellows and reds and golds, as though his mane, half of which coiled past the cushion and onto the floor, were made not of moonlight but hellfire. A perfect match for his temper. It was just a bit of irony Clow had found, an almost- accidental and perfect example of the Yin-Yang principle that the two had been created under. Kero was boastful,m loud, energetic and boisterous, yet inside he had a core of calm about him. Things just didn’t rile him; he overacted the small stuff but kept his cool about a crisis.

Yue, on the other hand, was the picture of composure. His thoughtful logic had won him more than one argument, and he had the uncanny ability to control his emotions. Quiet, contemplative and peaceful, but anyone who spent a significant length of time with Yue would see his temper flare. Too much stress or drama had him agitated, irritated and overall cynical. Well, actually, that was rather normal for Yue…more like, his inner fire would shine, and the object of his displeasure could expect to receive a volley of curses, yells and threats if Yue was pissed enough. Only then would he stand there a moment, straighten his robes in a haughty huff, and become his usual proper self. 

His skin, as well, benefitted from the kiss of the fire’s light. It hid the blush that Clow knew he wore from his collar to his cheeks, by tinging them it’s own hue. Clow allowed his gaze to roam’s Yue’s form unabashedly. Were they not lovers, afterall? And Yue aqs too distracted, too lost in through by the firelight to notice as his Master’s eyes trailed from his angelic face to the curves and valley’s of his throat, steadily growing deeper as they followed the line caused by Yue’s robe. It was a gift from Clow, a lovely sapphire blue and so soft. He had it tied loosely and comfortably around him, and the top had begun to dip…it tipped precariously from his right shoulder, offering an innocent yet highly erotic taste of Yue’s pale skin. Lower still and Clow could see his slim calves peeking from below the hem, which had been pulled up and entangled beneath him. And somewhere in between…

It was far too soon for Yue to be…showing, especially beneath the camouflage of heavy draping layers, but all the same, Clow knew. If he allowed his glasses to slip a little on his nose, peering over them with his weak eyes, he could almost trick them into remodeling the folds and shadows of Yue’s nightclothes, deepening some now-blurred shadows and sharpening others. With a little squint he could almost picture-

“Then I suppose we ought to tell him soon,” Yue decided with a note of finality, having made up his mind. Though his voice was set into stony determination, his widened pupils and the way he worried his bottom lip delicately between his teeth betrayed his anxiety, and Clow could understand. Kerberos…his beloved son…he could be such a blessing at times. He had been such a wonderful brother to Yue when he was first created, helping Clow with the impossible task of keeping tabs on a curious creation. Though he had initially stuck to Clow like paste, becoming distressed when he wasn’t within sight, it didn’t take long for Yue to develop an inquisitive streak. The sun Guardian had shown an uncharacteristic patience and compassion as Yue would contentedly spend his mornings chasing Kero, pulling Kero’s tail, clumsily brushing Kero’s fur and all other sorts of similar tasks. However, they were siblings, afterall, and there are tempers amongst all brothers. As soon as he was old enough to hold his own, Kero got his revenge, playful tussles and wrestling matches quickly turning iinto all-out-drag-down brawls within minutes, resulting in bruises, missing fur and two pouting Guardians in corners. 

Ah, brotherly love. 

Just how would he respond to the news that he was going to be an uncle…er…or would it be a new brother or sister? No, a niece or nephew…right?

But that was another day’s problem. In fact, so was telling Kerberos. It was getting late, and Clow could see Yue’s eyelids drooping wearily. 

“You’re tired,” he remarked obviously, uncrossing his legs to stand. He gently eased the half-empty glass from Yue’s hands, setting it back up on the mantle before offering his arm to his lover. He was the least he could do, considering he was the one who hid the pungent taste of a relaxing chamomile below the gingers spicy taste. 

Yue, despite his sudden lethargy, was certainly capable of standing on his own accord. But…well, if Clow took the trouble to offer…He laid his hand lightly at Clow’s wrist and let him ‘help’ him to his feet. The firelight felt so warm, kissing butterflies against his fair skin, and the sound of the wind whistling through the loosened windowpanes made the manor feel so cozy…

The linen of his sheets felt deliciously cool and soft against his skin where his robe was coming loose. He was hardly aware of Clow kissing his goodnight, or laying a hand briefly at the inviting dip of his waist, he was so overcome with sleepiness…

)o(


	5. Itching Ears

Whether it was due to the tea, the lazy pace of a Sunday or other matters beyond Yue’s control, it was past 11 o’clock the next morning before he finally lifted his head from his pillow. His eyes sleep-bleary, he looked around the room dreamily. He felt so warm between the covers, so comfortable. He stretched out lazily, arching his back off the mattress with a contented groan. But… something was amiss. he felt queer, like he’d missed something…But everything about his room was in order; the two bookcases astride the fireplace, the calligraphy scrolls on his wall creating an interesting contrast with the handsome English furniture. Everything as it should be, no noise but the clock above the fireplace ticking away the hour before noon, the-

Wait…

Noon?!

“Shit!” he hissed, hurling his covers to the foot of his bed with abandon, scrambling up so fast he nearly got his legs entwined with his night-mussed braid. He stood on the balls of his feet, hands on the mantle for balance as he peered at the high-hung clock. 11:19. 

“Good God…” he muttered to himself in stunned disbelief, sprinting over to his wardrobe and rummaging through it’s hangers. He never slept this late in the day, except during illness. It was unusual for him to rise after 8! 

He wrenched a pristine white poet’s shirt on over his chocolate-brown trousers, tucking the tails in haphazardly with one hand while his other pulled at his hair ties. Though his hair was an unnatural length, it was gauzy (“fluffy”, Kero called it with a grin) and lighter than one would expect, which made it easy to unbraid and weave back up again in a hurry (brushing was an entirely different matter, but he SO didn’t have the time to sit down with a comb for half an hour) 

Sure that he looked now only semi-bedraggled, he tore out of his bedroom and into the hallway, pausing only a moment in the washroom to splash cool water onto his face and wash the sleep from his vivid eyes. He had a fleeting thought of breakfast, before he realized with a wince that it was already time for lunch. 

Indeed, that was where he found his Master and brother as he came flying around the corner into the conservatory; eating a Sunday lunch of cold sesame pork and rice. 

“I’m sorry…” he panted, rubbing a stitch between his ribs. “I overslept! I have no idea how I-“

“That’s quite fine, Yue!” Clow chuckled pleasantly, spreading a pat of fresh butter onto a slice of thick, soft bread. “You looked so worn last night that I just didn’t have the heart to wake you this morning.”

“I did,” Kero put in, licking his chops after a particularly delectable bite. “I wanted to drop a pan by your bed again, but HE wouldn’t let me!” and he set his face into a determined sulk for all of 3 seconds before consoling himself with another helping of sweet bean rolls. “I got all the way to you door too, with the sauce pan; you know, that BIG one that makes the coolest noise when it’s dropped down the attic steps? And boy were you out of it!” His snickering earned him a cold stare from Yue as he took a seat opposite the gorging lion. “Really, you’re the most unattractive thing when you sleep. All fuzzy hair sticking everywhere, drooling…I don’t know how Clow can stand to wake up to that half the time. Oh, wait…I suppose he doesn’t sleep with his glasses on!”

Kero was obviously trying to make up for the 3 hours of torment he had to miss out on this morning.

“I do NOT drool in my sleep.” He argued tersely, shaking out a folded napkin with a sharp jerk. 

“No,” Kero conceded casually, as though it were not him who had suggested it just seconds ago. “But you talk in your sleep when you’re really tired. Oh the stories I’ve wheedled out of you!” and he only guffawed all the louder as Yue’s eyes widened, his pupils almost round. “Course, then again, I’ve heard a LOT that I could live without knowing!” he arched one eyebrow suggestively in Clow’s direction, who was sitting mildly, listening to the conversation as though it were a pleasant piece of violin music. “Honestly, Clow! In the East attic with a rope? You truly are a pervert!”

Had Yue been eating anything at the moment, he would surely have choked. How did he…? Did he really talk…Oh God…

The magician just smiled, his lips curling higher one on side as though remembering something quite pleasant (which, he was…) “My but you’re an astute listener, Keroberos,” he complimented, and Kero crossed his arms with pleasure. “If only you could have applied the same aptitude to all those failed studies I gave you.” And it was Yue’s turn to smirk with satisfaction. “Now, I suggest that unless you wish to hear more about Yue’s and my exploits in the East attics that you find some other topic of conversation.”

He pretended to gag , poking one claw down his throat. “Ugh, no thanks! I really don’t need to know what sort of nasty things you do to my brother in bed…or out of it, for that matter!”

“Then quite prying into my head when I’m sleeping,” Yue ground out.

Now that Clow was sufficiently amused (he’d chuckle randomly at this for days), Kero was sufficiently creeped out and Yue was sufficiently mortified, they could return to their half-eaten meal. Or, the former two could. Yue had no more than reached for the rice bowl when he remembered just why meals had become such a problem. His stomach turned at the site of the food set appetizingly in bowls before him, and he let his hand fall back, pouring a glass of water from the pitcher instead. Kero wouldn’t have noticed; Yue ate only when he felt like it. But Clow, of course…nothing got by Clow undetected. It was the scholar in him, Yue supposed…or maybe just the instincts of a protective lover.

“Why don’t you have a bite to eat, Yue?” he offered jovially, and before Yue could protest, he laid a large spoonful of rice into his bowl for him, adding the seasoned meat and vegetables on top before pushing it back in front of his Guardian. To avoid any more eagle eye from Kero, he added, “I went through all the trouble to make it, seeing as how our lovely cook was so tired this morning.”

Yue opened his mouth to decline with a polite, No, Thank You, but he couldn’t avoid the pointed glare from his Master. He lowered his head without argument and picked up the chopsticks next to his bowl. The pork, though it was surely expertly seasoned, looked dreadful and sickening to his stomach’s eye. Instead, he pushed it aside and nibbled at the rice. So far, foods as bland and sticking as rice didn’t seem to have too many disagreements with him. Yet.

Apparently satisfied, for the moment at least, Clow returned to cleaning his own plate, finishing his bread with two bites. 

Yue willed the gurgling upset to settle as he continued to take the smallest bites of grain. He tried with everything he had to ignore the poor etiquette of his brother, who smacked his lips with every mouthful. It just served to make him feel all the more nauseous. 

Clow attempted to keep up a banter of conversation with Yue and Kero, to distract Yue from his discomfort and to encourage Kero to take pauses between bites. The latter seemed to work, as Kero’s improbable pace slowed as he neared a clean plate. Yue, on the other hand, doubted he’d ever see the bottom of his bowl at the rate he was going. It seemed the rice itself was settling fine enough, but the smell of the meat, of Kero’s spiced sweets and Clow’s strong, black coffee assaulted him like a gale wind. 

“-And I thought perhaps we could take a walk to the pond this afternoon.” Clow said. “I know it’s rather a treck but the weather’s finally warm enough for a dip, and-“

His bowl clattered to the table with a loud chink, and spun for several moments around its bottom rim before somehow managing to land rightways-up. Yue was out of the room before it even stopped twirling.

Kero paused with a piece of sweet bun halfway to his mouth as he stared at the spot where his brother had been sat just a second ago. 

“Maybe he’s afraid of minnows burrowing in his hair again?”

)o(

Clow said nothing as he knelt beside Yue in the south den, the farther Yue had been able to get away from the breakfast table. Instead, they sat in relative silence, Clow massaging Yue’s back in slow, languid circles and trying not to feel ill himself as he heaved into the grass beneath the window.

He was sure the petunias would be relieved.

)o(

Two weeks passed as normally as they could make them. Yue had discovered that he could get away with not eating at regular meals by nibbling constantly throughout the day. Clow swore he’d never seen anyone make a single yellow apple last half an hour, but it was the only was he could even begin to keep food down. 

The magician also noticed with much trepidation that Yue’s temper seemed to be even closer to the surface than usual. It seemed he always had a disgruntled look upon his pretty face, and it was a horribly self-fulfilling prophesy, with Kero making snarky comments about his terminally foul mood, which only served to rile the guardian even further. 

Speaking of Kerberos…

It seemed he was constantly underfoot these days. Though it waS difficult to not notice a 400 pound lion snoring in the corner, he had taken to fluttering about the house in his small form, hiding behind oil lamps and tapestries. He had once even hidden in the cookie jar, knowing that Clow would come in to talk to Yue while he prepared dinner, but…he had somehow gotten distracted. He blamed the oatmeal-raisen. 

Truth be told, he was starting to feel…left out, almost. As unconventional as their family-type-thing was, they were close. But the last couple months or so…things were different, and he didn’t like. It. Oh, Kero was always up for a good change of pace, a surprise, or just your average, run of the mill chaos, but this going on now was NOT fun!

Yue was being so pesky lately. Sure he was always moody, arrogant and somewhat cynical, but he was never the impossible grouch that he’d been as of late. Really! All Kero had said was that maybe he had been a little heavy-handed with the basil in the pasta sauce that night, and Yue had glared daggers at him snapping that if he didn’t like it, then no one was forcing him to eat it!

“Honestly!” Kero huffed to himself, bending forward for a good claw-scratching stretch. “It’s not like I wasn’t gonna eat it. I was hungry, afterall!” But had he listened? Nooooo! Just sulked all through dinner, poking at the stuffed shells with more than a bit of force.

He wasn’t worried about Yue’s sudden change in temperament. Course not. He was thankful for the long hours he spent shut away in his room or the library, He felt lucky for the time he didn’t have to spend with his wet-blanket brother Yeah. Lucky. He felt lucky.

Except for when he felt lonely. 

Which wasn’t a lot, really. Not a WHOLE lot…’cept maybe when Clow decided to go try and coax him out, and it took AGES. He didn’t care when they spent time together doing all that lovey-dovey crap. Whatever floated their boats. But this was different, damn it! 

But he was able to dampen his (totally non-existent) feelings of being left out by discovering exactly WHY he was being kept out of the loop. Oh what great fun it was! He snickered to himself as he padded down the hallway, nails clack-clacking down the wooden back stairs. 

The Reed estate was large and beautiful, and built soon after the English first started exploring the East. So it would have been around the time that Clow’s father first began to court his mother. As a result, there were Western elements mixed all around the traditional Chinese structure. The parlor, den, and most of the first floor were open and simply adorned, with intricate lattice work over the windows. Large bonsai and sakura trees grew throughout the gardens, with altars and tablets having their own places or honor both indoors and out. However, the upper floors and library of their home was charmingly Western. The woodwork was all handsomely carved, stained dark and warm reds and browns. The stair banister, wardrobes and furniture were all scalloped, decorated or lacquered. 

It was the Englishmen’s love of the large, grand and ornate that made it so easy for Kero to slip around almost undetected. There were 5 stairways in the house; two from the first floor to the second, one to the cellar, one to the attics, and one hidden, almost a secret passage. It was accessed by a very narrow door in the back of the pantry and ran in very shallow steps all the way up to the East attic. Clow said it had once been used by servants, who’s bedrooms were in the attic, so they could be downstairs to prepare their Master’s breakfast without waking the family. As ‘children’, Kero and Yue had spent hours playing in the stairway, as though Clow was ignorant of it’s existence. It wasn’t quite as fun as their “grandparents” house in Winchester, with all sorts of hidden troves, but it was entertaining enough. 

Now, it was scarcely used, unless the two brothers were feeling particularly nostalgic, So Kero used it as his own personal spy center. It hid in the walls along the kitchen, then branched into the middle of the house, and to the attics between the library and a large storage closet. And the best part was the small, crack in the wall towards the library. It was about twice the breadth of his claw, high up the library wall, above an old map hung up for atmosphere. Clow wasn’t aware of it’s existence, and he didn’t think Yue remembered. So it soon became kero’s favorite haunt when he knew the two were in the library. He would listen at the door first, of course, to make sure they weren’t…yeah. He’d walked in on them before, and wasn’t anxious for a repeat performance…

Blegh.

ANYway, that was precisely where he was headed now, nosing open the slim door with his nose. It was heavy, and shut quickly behind him. It was pitch dark in here; as kids, Kero and Yue would bring a candle, or a jar of lightning bugs in the summer, to scare away the shadows. But now he knew every inch of the space, and found the complete lack of light little more than an annoyance.

It wasn’t completely dark for too long, though. After several minutes and 4 turns, he found his way facing the escalated plain beside the library, and several feet above and before him, the small crack filtered a srap of sunlight into the chasm, just bright enough to illuminate the thick dust motes and highlight the worn wooden stair below it. 

With a snicker to no one but himself and a few spiders, Kero made himself comfortable in front of the split. As it was so narrow, it offered a very limited range of view. He could see the fireplace, and the tall, narrow windows against the far wall, and way more books than one man should ever sanely own. But that was it. He couldn’t see Clow’s writing desk or the scarlet, threadbare chair he loved so much. Those were in the corner to his right, and far below. But that’s where he was, and with his brother to boot! Praying they weren’t making out of something equally as yucky, he pressed a flickering ear to the crack, breath baited…

“-rdly keep anything down,” came his brother’s lethargic voice, slow and drowsy. He’d noticed he’d been really tired lately, even though the moon was nearly full. “Though I guess it’s only to be expected.”

Yeah, and the barfing too. Yech. Though…naw, he wouldn’t admit that he was worried. Which, he wasn’t. Not at all. He merely scoffed at the idea, pricking his furry ear.

“I’m sure it will abate soon,” Clow’s voice reassured, and Kerberos could picture Yue sitting languidly at Clow’s feet as he combed through his bound hair. 

“Yes, I do hope,” came the younger Guardian’s reply. He ‘hmmm’ed’ low, as though stretching. “And…well, I’d almost better enjoy it while I can, don’t you think?” His tone growing a little hesitant, shy almost, he murmured, “Afterall, I’m sure it isn’t anything compared with…well, later…”

Later…what was alter? What was NOW?! Oh, did those two always have to speak in riddles to confuse him! Oh, sure, they didn’t know he was there, but still! 

“How long do you suppose I have?” the higher alto voice questioned from the soft silence.

“I’d say a little more than six months, but I am no doctor,” Clow responded thoughtfully. “In such a hurry to get it over with already?” And Kero could almost hear the tease in his voice.

“Hardly,” Yue refuted calmly. “It may not be pleasant, at times, but…I want to enjoy this, especially now, with the little time I have left before the deck finds out. I know we need to break the news to them sometimes, especially to Kero, but I won’t have a moment of peace!”

“The little time he has…?” Kero repeated in a whisper. “What the hell? People usually say things like that when they’re about to kick the bu-Oh my God…”

“They love you, Yue!” Clow laughed warmly. “They’ll be worried, I’m sure, but they will grow to accept it. I’m sure eventually they will even be quite happy about it.”

Kero could hardly believe his ears. Were they really talking about what it sounded like? And slowly he began to piece the conversation together with what he already knew…Yue was so tired, he was feeling sick…He had several months before something really major happened that sounded not very pleasant…breaking the bad news…worried…

“Yue’s gonna die!” He wailed, much louder than he should have. And as soon as the words flew from his mouth, he covered his muzzle with his paws, as though to prevent future slips. 

Luckily, the walls were thick and sturdy, and they seemed to not notice too much.

“…did you hear something?” Yue pondered aloud, and Clow must have shook his head no, because he then said, “Huh. Must have just been me then. I didn’t realize hallucinations were another symptom.”

Kerberos would have heard his soft laugh had he not been so distraught by his misinformation. Yue was gonna die! He didn’t know how, seeing as Yue was immortal but…he had heard stories of magical constructs coming unraveled if their “weaving” so to speak was too intangible, like…Oh God, like wind, water and moonlight…

He couldn’t stand to hear anymore. Numbly, he turned and began to walk back down the shallow steps, through the tight door and into the kitchen.

“Yue’s gonna croak…” he muttered vaguely, as though in a stupor. “He’s sick and dying…he’s got less than 7 months to live…AND THE BASTARD HASN'T EVEN TOLD ME YET?!” typical Kero, his anguished disbelief turned quickly to outrage. “\Honestly, where do they get off,m \\\keeping something like this away from him! Yue had said, that one day…it wouldn’t affect him yet, but it would eventually…He’d known for two months now and still hadn’t uttered a word! That bastard!

Then he paused, remembering what Clow had said…” even be happy.” If Yue was dying why would any of them be happy about it? Instead of realizing that this piece of the puzzle didn’t fit in, he instead began cutting and bending it to conform. “I mean sure, Yue can be a pompous and annoying twit,” he spoke to himself while wandering aimlessly around the first floor. “But, that doesn’t mean I’m not kinda fond of the brat…he grew on me, kinda like a wart. So why…”

And it struck him, like yet another ton of bricks. Did they…did they really think he was that bad of a brother? Oh Gods! Sure, he liked to tease Yue, taunt him, dip his hair in ink, but…that didn’t mean he didn’t love him! Oh, he lamented on every cruel things he had said to Yue (at least, what he could remember, because there were a LOT…) He didn't mean any harm by then! They were just for fun, grins and giggles!

But…apparently Yue hadn’t seen it that way…he’d been hurt by them, it seemed, and now he couldn’t trust him enough to tell him that he was…

And that’s when he made up his mind, then and there. From this moment on, Kero swore, he would be the best big brother he could to Yue! Afterall, if Yue only had a few months left to live, he didn’t want to be the one responsible for making him miserable!

“That’s it. No more jabs. No more pounces or practical jokes. Nothing!”

And he went upstairs to retrieve the rubber snake he’d hid in Yue’s bed.

)o(

He didn’t see Yue and Clow until several hours later, and each looked a little…tousled. Kero didn’t need to ask what they’d been doing. He was about to utter the oh-so-witty remark on the tip of his tongue when he caught sight of how Yue’s eyes seemed to droop the slightest bit. He swallowed his scathingness whole. 

Though Clow was hardly Christian in even the remotest sense of the word, he still liked to keep Sunday’s as a day of rest, so dinner was always a simple affair. Sandwhiches, fruit, rice, and the like. As Clow went to the kitchen to do the little cooking necessary, Yue went to follow him, most likely to help, but Kero was fast, and he hurried over to Yue’s side, taking his hand gently in his mouth, like he did when he use to lead him around when they were small.

Yue looked down at him with curious eyes, as though he had never seen the lionel beast before. “May I help you?” he queried coolly, ignoring the feeling of warm lion spit on his hands in favor of the sentiment. 

Kero gave a gentle tug, indicating Yue to walk with him. “You wook awefully tired, baby bro,” he said with his mouth full, careful not to work his teeth too much. “Let the old bat make dinner and come sit.”

Bewildered, Yue’s eyes widened even further, and he looked quizickly over his shoulder at Clow, who smiled, obviously quite amused. 

“Go sit,” he agreed, shooing them over to the dinner table. “I haven’t burnt rice since I was 17, Yue. As that was several centuries ago, I think I am competent enough in the kitchen.”

“Yes, but-“ the angel began to protest, but was cut off by his brother’s insistent tugging. It wasn’t Clow’s efficiency in his kitchen that had him on edge; no, it was his brother’s possibly malicious intentions…

“Are you feeling alright, Kerberos?” he asked cautiously as he was pulled down into a cherry varnished chair at the cozy dining room table. 

“Oh, me?” Kero clarified, pointing one claw at himself. “Oh, I’m fine, fine! Peachy! What about YOU? Hmm? You feeling ok?”

Apprehension painted Yue’s face as he replied, “I…I’m fine…” which, except for the usual queasiness, he was. 

“Ah, good, good!” Kero smiled, twitching his tail nonchalantly as he sat astutely by Yue’s chair. Awkward silence enveloped the two for some time before Clow emerged from the kitchen, lying the table with a short assortment of bowls, a milk pitcher and tea. 

He watched the table carefully that night, keeping a keen interest on his two boys. Kero…Kero was being awefully un-Kero like. All throughout dinner he kept up a light, polite banter with Yue, all kinda words and compliments.

‘Now I’ve got two to worry about,’ he thought wryly. And it was true that he was already worrying over Yue. He didn’t show it, because he knew it would do nothing but stress out his lover, but he couldn’t help but feel a very strong concern for everything he did. He worried he wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough…and that had only led him to one despairing realization; he may know how babies were made, how they grew and how they were born, but…he had no idea what he was suppose to be doing right now. Sure, he knew enough to realize that Yue skipping meals was a bad idea, and that he could attribute his increasingly foul mood to his current state, but as for all the other important details…well, that was a woman’s domain, something not shared with men. And considering Yue was a man, that created rather the interesting predicament.

Which was exactly why Clow had decided to w-

“Kerberos, for the last time; I do not WANT any more tea, and if you ask me again, I swear I will paste your helmet to you head!”

Ah, the sounds of a loving family…

)o(


	6. All That Trouble And You Aren't Even Dying

No one could quite understand what had come over Kero. The whole next day he followed Yue like a puppy, picking up anything he dropped, making small talk and constantly recalling their childhood blunders and mishaps. If Yue so much as yawned, he was trying to drag him off for a nap, despite Yue’s pleas. And although no one was as perplexed as Yue himself, it was Clow who noticed the fear in Kero’s eyes, lighting them like molten gold…what on earth would Kerberos, the sun, have to be sad about?

Yue tried with everything he had not to lose his temper with Kero’s annoying attentiveness. He bit his tongue so many times it has grown sore, which only added to his woes. It wasn’t…it wasn’t as though he didn’t like spending a pleasant, non-malignant afternoon with Kero…but the fact of the matter was, this was NOT his brother. 

The only reason he could think of to explain his unusually caring demeanor was…nah. There was no way Kero would know that he was pregnant…right?

He would have loved to talk it over with Clow, but his brother never left his side, even while he was reading or brushing his hair. It was a little ironic, when he thought about it; he use to stick to Kero’s side like glue when he was new, and now, for some reason, the tables were turned…

He managed to shake Kero off long enough to escape to his room for an hour, insisting that he wanted to take a nap. With just a hint of reluctance, Kero agreed, and Yue closed the door, pretending not to see the anxiety slip across Kero’s face. 

He pressed his back against the door with a sigh, letting his eyes slip closed. God he was tired…perhaps he could make his lie a truth and sleep for just a bit…

But no. He knew the confusion of his mind would override the exhaustion of his body. Despite this knowledge, he laid down anyway, figuring rest was the next best thing. 

He had never quite understood his brother, and he knew that the feeling was mutual. Yet their inability to see eye to eye was usually over trifle matters of little significance; Yue preferred a quiet evening spent reading or playing a game of cards, whilst his brother preferred long winded banter and melodrama. Kero-Chan would tear through the house on a rampage, just for fun, while Yue would never think to act so undignified. Until recently, the moon guardian could never comprehend how anyone could stand to simply sleep away their entire afternoons…well, until recently, when it started to become a chore just to lift his head from his pillows. But he had an excuse; his brother was just a sloth. 

However, this misunderstanding was one of larger proportions. Kero never worried and fretted over Yue like this, not even when he was new and hurt or ill. Ordinarily their days were filled with bickering, quarreling, pushing, shoving, screaming and curling up together by the fire to sleep, not necessarily in that order. But recently, Kero had kept such a civil tongue around his brother, treating him with the utmost affection and fondness…and still, the only conclusion that Yue could conjure was that somehow Kero had managed to attain their little secret.

Yue sighed, rolling over to face the wall without even seeing it. If that was the case, perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing. It sure made his life a lot easier. He’d been muttering to himself in private for quite some time, practicing the best way to break the news. This wasn’t something you could just slip into conversation over a game of King’s Corner. But if he already knew…

No, it couldn’t be. His brother would use this opportunity as a veritable diamond mind of jests, jabs and teases. Even tact and respect for his…condition…wouldn’t stop him after a while. That was just Kero.

“Damn it…” he cursed, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes in frustration. “That’s it.” And he pushed himself up decisively, striding across the floor with a confidence he hoped masked the thrumming of his heart. 

Just as he thought, Keroberos was sitting attentively just outside Yue’s door, looking as eager as a Pekinese. 

“Onii-Chan, could you please do me a favor?” he asked.

“Sure! Course! Anything, you name it!” Kero replied with excitement, tail swaying like reeds in the wind. 

Yue knelt on one knee, reaching out a hand to scratch his brother under his throat. “I want you to go find Master for me,” he instructed politely. “We need to talk.” At Kero’s despondent look, he added, “The three of us.”

)o(

Yue waited for them in the library, as he instructed Kero. He knew that at this time in the afternoon, Clow was likely either in his study or had taken his work outside, considering the mid summer weather. 

He pulled a chair across the room to settle it beside Clow’s trying to make haste, knowing he would be severely scolded if Clow caught him wrestling with something so heavy. Perhaps he had a point; twenty-five feet seemed enough to drain him, and he was content to curl almost catlike in the seat. Once as comfortable as his anxious state would allow, he pulled up the end of his braid, unknotting the cord that bound it together. Nimble fingers combed through his plait until no trace of the weave was left. Then he began to redo the process he had just undone, but this time selecting significantly smaller sections of hair, working them into braids no wider than his little finger.

Playing with his hair was a nervous habit for the angel, the monotonous task of weaving the same pattern was soothing. Deft fingers worked the three tiny sections, working the cool strands into a familiar shape; left to middle, right to middle, left to middle…considering the length, it took several minutes to reach the end. All the same, he had at least 12 of the small coils scattered throughout his hair when his brother finally returned, and was well into starting another.

Unable to meet his brother’s eyes, he focused instead on Clow, who met him with a broad, reassuring smile. He didn’t need the link they shared to be able to feel Yue’s trepidation; it was painted all across his face. 

“Are you alright, love?” he queried, placing a soft kiss of Yue’s cheek. Yue nodded wordlessly, watching with like silence as Clow reclined in the chair next to his and Kero sat upright and tense before him. He had his ears pricked, waiting intently…

“Kero, you CAN breath,” Clow reminded his oldest with a hint of satire in his voice. Kero blinked his golden eyes a few times, then sweatdropped, chuckling nervously.

“I-I know that!” he defended, smiling in a way that looked like it was rather painful. “It’s just, well…we don’t have ‘family meetings’ like this very often, do we? And when we do, it’s usually bad news.”

“It wasn’t so bad when I told you we were going to Japan, was it?” Clow offered, laying one ankle to rest on his other knee, seeming to be the only calm one in the bunch. But neither of his children were completely fooled; Clow fiddled constantly, rubbing the buttons on his shirts, rearranging his glasses…he seemed as antsy as anyone. 

“No…” Kero replied cautiously. “But we’re not going to Japan, are we? And I can’t think of a single other time a meeting has been good news, can you?”

Clow paused, sometimes rather dumbfounded by Kero’s random bursts of attentiveness and rational. “Erm…well, no…” he stuttered, polishing his already pristing spectacles of his shirt tails. Again. “But, I…”

“I wouldn’t call it bad news,” Yue interjected thoughtfully. “Well, I suppose it depends on how you look at it…”

“Yes, quite right,” Clow put in, thankful once more for Yue’s calm. “I personally think it’s wonderful news; a change for the better, surely. I think-“

But no one in the room would know exactly what it was Clow thought, because at that very moment, Kerberos, the great, powerful, intimidating Guardian Beast of the Seal, broke into tears.

“I can’t believe you!” He sobbed, fat tears rolling down his nose and soaking his fur. “You’re heartless, Clow! A heartless bastard!” he hiccupped, drawing in a sputtering breath and Clow and Yue shared identical expressions of bewilderment. 

“Kerberos…” Yue prompted, his tone low and gentle. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Kero repeated, his voice raising with every word. “Am I alright? Oh, Bon! I’m fine! Peachy!”

Yue appraised the being before him. “Um…you don’t look peachy…”

“I am!” he defended, sounding for a moment like a petulant little child. “I just can’t believe you two can sit there, so calm, so…happy about this…this whole mess!”

“Kero…you know what’s going on?” Yue asked, pushing himself down from his seat to kneel in front of his brother. Behind him, he heard Clow cough several times, evidently as surprised as he.

“Of course I know!” he wailed. “I heard you talking in the library!”

Yue’s anger flared instantly. “You were eave-“ but a firm hand on his shoulder quelled his temper. He counted to ten silently as Clow came to kneel beside him. “I mean…you heard us.”

“That’s what I just said!” Kero defended, His shoulder’s starting to shake slightly from his crying. Neither the magician nor the angel knew what to do; Kero pouted, Kero sulked, Kero yelled…but Kero never cried, at least, not in Yue’s memory. 

“I…I…well, Kero…I was afraid you may be a little upset by this…but…I’m actually very happy about it! So is Clow! And I know this is awfully sudden, but I’m sure you’ll get use to it.”

“GET USE TO IT? Oh Bon!” and Kero collapsed into Yue’s lap, soaking the front of his tunic with warm, salty tears. 

Yue’s long-fingered hands began to stroke across Kero’s broad head, scratching behind his ears and down to his flank. “I didn’t realize you would be so upset by this,” he admitted, feeling a prickling behind his own eyes as he eased his hand slowly to hover over his stomach. 

Sniffling, then, “How could you not?” Kero’s voice was muffled by the fabric. “I know I can be mean and horrible and a general pain in the ass, but damn it, I love you! How could you not think I’d be upset by you dying on me?”

“That’s awfully sweet of- wait, I’m WHAT?!”

Yue couldn’t even find it in himself to be stunned. Instead, he stared down at his brother blankly, his hands stilling at his mane.

Choked words continued to flow from Kero, all in a rush and almost impossible to discern. “I heard you in the l-library,” he repeated. “Abbbbout a week aggo. You were talking about how you were sick and you didn’t have a lot of time left and you didn’t want to tell anyone b-because we’d be w-w-worried!”

Slowly, purple cat-like eyes blinked down almost owlishly, listening to naught but the sorrows of a very misinformed lion. Kero…he was always so confused….and his luck caused him to always come into conversation as just the wrong moment…and he did seem so worried, so horrified…Yue should be trying to comfort him, reassure him…

But all he could do was laugh. 

Just a chuckle, to start. Then it grew and swelled into a chortle, raising to become Yue’s usual lilting, high laugh. 

“And when Mirror finds out-Hey! What’s so funny?”

And that did him in. Yue burst into gales of laughter harsh and almost barking, and tears came to his eyes, but not from sorrow. 

Kerberos looked to his Master for an explanation, but he was only marginally better. He, too, seemed to be fighting down the giggles. But at least he had more control; he reached out, wrapping his arms bracing around Kero’s shoulders, patting his back comfortingly. 

“What the…have you lost your mind? Oh, God, you’re farther along than I thought…Damn it Clow! You told me that you had enough magi to support us all! If you weren’t sure, then you shouldn’t have-God, not you too!”

Clow used his other hand to remove his glasses, dapping at his blue eyes with the breadth of his thumb. “Oh, Kerberos…Kerberos, what are we to do with you?”

“How bout filling Kerberos in on why he was cursed to live in a house full of whackjobs?” his anguish seemed to quickly turn to shades of anger as he became more and more frustrated.

Finally, Yue seemed to get a bit of a grip on himself. “Onii-Chan, Onii-Chan!” he smiled, slightly out of breath as he pulled himself upright again. “My brother, I’m not dying!”

“You…you’re not?” Kero replied slowly, eyeing Yue with a measuring amount of disbeleifef. “but I heard you…you’re sick…”

Yue nodded slightly. “In a way, yes. I’ve been ill. But I’m not suffering from any malady, mortal nor magical.”

Kero’s brain struggled to translate the poetry Yue like to spout in. “Fine than! What the bloody Hell is going on!”

He saw the two of them change a brief glance, knowing more was said there then he could understand. Then Yue took a deep breath, becoming as serious as one could be after a fit of laughter.

“Onii-Chan, I’m not dying. I’m…well, I…”

“Spit it out, God damn it!”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, Well, why didn’t you just say that fr-YOU’RE WHAT?!!”

“Now that’s the reaction we were expecting!” Clow declared jovially, with a robust English accent he often slipped into when he was in unusually high spirits. Which, Kero couldn’t really understand why he was in high spirits, but he was too busy staring agape at his little brother to process such trivialties.

Yue just smiled faintly, hands folded serenely in his lap, though they continued to twist nervously from time to time. “I’m pregnant, Kero,” he repeated, and it didn’t make any more sense the second time around. “Clow and I are going to have a baby in about 6 months.”

It took several minutes of silence for Kero to finally find his voice. “Yue…come on. You’ve always been a terrible liar.”

“He isn’t lying, Kero-Chan,” Clow defended, reclining back against the seat of his chair. “He really is pregnant. Has been since about June.”

The beast flicked his attention back and forth between his father and his brother. Now, neither were great liars, but both wore identical expressions of seriousness on their faces. Yue wasn’t pulling at his hair, Clow had stopped fidgeting…but that would mean…

“Yue, you do realize that you’re my little BROTHER, right? As in, boy? As in, not a woman?”

“Kerberos, you do realize that Master is magician, right? As in, can bend the laws of nature at his will? And that I’m not exactly male in the same sense as Master?”

“Oh, touché, you brat.” Kero grumbled. “But that’s not important right now! You mean to tell me that you…that the reason you’ve been…and you’re not…”

“I’m pregnant, that’s why I’ve been so ill, and no, I am NOT dying and perhaps that will teach you to drop in on other people's conversations.” And that was the snippy Yue he was use to.

“Kero…is that why you’ve been following Yue around like a lost puppy? Because you thought he was going to die?” though Clow sounded soothing, he had laughter hidden beneath the tone. 

“No!” he denied pridefully, raising his head up with as much dignity as he could muster. “I just…well…damn, it, quit changing the subject!”

“Kero…are you alright?”

“Alright?” his voice cracked. “Alright? I’m damn wonderful! Here I bother myself for two weeks thinking my brother’s gonna keel over at any minute and now you tell me that you got yourself knocked up? Lovely, my little brother, truly! Well, you know what? I don’t care! Nope, not one bit!” and he drew himself to his feet majestically, walking towards the door with the regality of an Indian prince. “You just see if I ever go out of my way to be nice to you again! Honestly, I can’t believe you! I go through all that trouble and you aren’t even dying! What nerve!” and with that, he harrumphed out of the room. Making sure they could hear him all the way down the stairs. Loud, attention-grabbing, typical Kero.

The lover’s sat on the floor in a stunned silence, eyes affixed on the now entry doorway. Clow was the first to respond, scooting closer to his child…children, wrapping his arm around Yue’s shoulders and pulling him close, letting his head rest against his own. 

“How long do you suppose it will take for it to finally sink in?” the silver-haired Guardian asked of his creator, tugging gently on one of his recently-done braids.

And, as if on cue, there could be heard throughout the Reed estate;

“Oh My GOD! My brother’s knocked up with my father’s kid!”


	7. Claw and Crystal

The lion in question avoided his brother for the majority of the day, not even showing up for dinner. It...didn’t really surprise either of them though. They knew this was going to be a shock for the elder brother, and an unavoidable one, but that didn’t stop Yue from feeling nauseous from guilt now rather than morning sickness. He lay curled in Clow’s arms in the library that evening, in front of the open window, letting in a waning moon and a warm summer wind. They also left the door open, as a waiting invitation for Kero. he would know where to find them, and the unlatched door would let him know he was welcome, but he failed to show.

“He hates us,” Yue sighed somberly, winding a coil of cool, silvery hair around his finger. “We should have spoken to him about this first, Clow…”

“It isn’t Kerberos’s decision to make,” CLow said gently, taking Yue’s hand to still his nervous fidgeting. he unwound his coil of hair, and took Yue’s hand in his awn, cradling his lover to his chest as he did so. “Even if we’d given him the whole year to adjust, it would still be a shock, my dear moon. He’s going to just need time to think about this.”

Yue nodded but did so with tired, sagging shoulders, enjoying Clow’s arms around him, enjoying the back rub he was receiving, savored the smell of Clow’s robes, his inks and candles and herbs leaving their signature among his soap and sweat. 

“He was worried for me,” he said quietly, as though still weighing what that meant to him. Clow chuckled, and Yue felt it rumble through his chest.

“Course he was, my love. Kerberos loves you, as you do him, even if neither of you would admit it under torture.” he rubbed his thumb into Yue’s spine, causing his angel to purr, momentarily letting himself savor this bite of pleasure, his hands working out the tense muscles of his back, beneath the joint for his hidden wings. “Don’t worry on it, Yue. It’s not good for you to fill your head with stress right now. If he can forgive me for stealing his baby brothers virtue at 15, he can forgive us for this.”

“For bringing a wailing, shrieking small human into his life for the next several years?” Yue replied dubiously, though not without a hint of bone-dry humor.

“Such harsh words about our child already!” Clow scolded playfully. “Careful, my love, or she will inherit her mother's sour disposition.” With this, he lowered his eyes and scoffed, in a rather scathingly accurate imitation of his husband's judgemental bitch face. Yue shoved his shoulder into his chest for the teasing, but let a small smile rise to his lips. 

“Better that than his father's impulsive whims,” he accused. He sighed deeply, turning it into a stretch, and then a yawn.

“Sleep with me tonight, my moon” Clow requested. Despite sharing a bed for nearly 50 years now, it wasn’t uncommon for the two to sleep alone at times; the summer heat was a detriment to any sort of romantic spooning, and sometimes one or the other was simply up at or until the crack of dawn, and didn’t wish to disturb the other. Even tonight, Yue knew, Clow would take another hour to finish up his work and have a bath before joining Yue in bed; the moon guardian was already wanting sleep, despite the early hour. Stress, both physical from his child and mental from his brother, left him tired. He parted from his master with a kiss, feeling only slightly soothed about the situation with his brother (he was still sure he hated him and he kinda sorta still wanted to throw up. Again.) but Yue Reed was good at compartmentalizing, and hiding his bitterness and fear behind snark. And dreams, right now, as he slipped out of his clothes and down to his drawers to crawl into Clow’s bed.

Yue had just started to drift off when he sensed his door being edged open. For a moment he thought it was Clow, when he felt a cold, wet nose prodding at his back.

“Kero…?” he muttered, turning over to gaze bleary-eyed at his brother, standing more than a tad awkwardly at his bedside. He rubbed at his eyes to clear them, and pushed himself up on his elbow. “What’re you doin’ here?”

Kero kept his tail down, swishing gently. “I…um…I wanted to talk?” he muttered, unable to meet Yue’s eye. The younger of the two studied him in the dim moonlight for a moment, before nodding to himself. He reached over to his bedside table and picked up his candlestick. He pursed his lips, blowing gently on the cooled wick, which immediately leapt to life in a bright, illuminating flame. He replaced the candle, then scooted up to the head of the bed, crossing his legs and pulling the blankets over into his lap.

Kero leapt up to join him in one quick, fluid movement, requiring barely any more effort than taking a step up the stairs. Wordlessly, he laid down on his belly, stretched out in an image of contentment, but his rigid muscles and inability to make eye contact told another tale.

“Kero…are you alright?” Yue finally asked, reaching to scratch behind his ears, as he liked. He didn’t shy from Yue’s touch, but he didn’t lean into it and purr as he often would. Instead, he just kept examining his paws with mild interest.

“So…you’re really knocked up, aren’t you?” he finally muttered casually, as though he was indifferent one way or another.

Yue hand stilled, feeling the soft fur below his fingers as his other moved slowly, unconsciously, to lay his other against his stomach. He nodded, but then realized Kero wasn’t looking at him. “I am,” he said simply, resuming his scratching.

Silence.

Then, “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you pregnant?”

Yue wasn’t expecting the conversation to take this turn. He plucked idly at a loose thread on his sheets, making a silent note to mend that hem.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand your question, brother,” he admitted.

Kero half-sighed, half growled, as though growing frustrated. “I don’t know how to make myself any clearer! Why did you have to go an get yourself knocked up! Did Clow tell you to?”

“What? No!” he denied fervently, sitting all the straighter. “I was the one who spoke to him about it first!”

“But WHY?! Why in the name of God would you want a kid, Yue? You...you’re little miss priss half the time! You like archery and you throw daggers made of crystal! You’re moody and impatient and temperamental...why the hell do you want a kid?”

“What business is it of yours?” he demanded, his grated temper rearing with renewed fervor. “Why do you care so much?”

“Well that doesn’t sound guilty and defensive at all. Are you kidding?” Kero shot back incredulously, “I live here, remember? I think it IS my business if I’m going to be sharing room and board with a bawling brat!”

“You love children!” he reminded Kero with exasperation.

“That’s not the point!” he howled, a word away from wanting to rip out his own fur. “The point is, you may not hate kids, but you don’t seem the kind to harbor some deep-seated desire to have any of your own! So excuse me for not understanding where this decision came from all of a sudden! The only thing I can think of is that the bastard who calls himself our Master planted a bug in your ear!”

Yue knew he was angry; Kero often yelled for little or no reason, but he scarcely ever showed such disrespect for Clow. In fact, the only time his negativity for the magician went beyond loving teases, it was always for the name of his brother and his pride.

“Clow…yes, he mentioned that he had always wanted children,” Yue started, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, knowing the reaction this would set off.

“I knew it!” his brother cried, a mix of triumph and outrage. “I can’t believe him, wanting you to do something like this! He’s so-“

“Kero, damn it!” Yue cursed, his violet eyes ablaze. “Weren’t you listening? I’M the one who asked this of Clow! I WANTED to do this for him! I don’t care if he’s my Master; I wouldn’t have even offered to do this if I didn’t want it personally!”

Kero shook his head with disbelief. “Yue, I know you! You’re happy making Clow happy! You want something because Clow wants it!”

“What are you saying I can’t think for myself?” he blazed, “Not my own person?!”

“I wonder sometimes, seeing the way you just bend to Clow’s will!” he shot back, rising onto his back paws, to use his front paws to gesture and point. “You KNOW how I feel about how Clow made you, Yue!”

“Clow MADE ME to be the moon, Kerberos,” he said between grit teeth. “You have your nature, and I have mine, we’ve been over this a hundred times! You are the sun, by NATURE you can make your own light. And I am the moon, I need-”

“Yeah yeah, I know, you need someone's light to shine for you!” Kero quoted with a note of mockery, his tongue nearly sticking out with the foul taste of the familiar words. “I know all that, I get it! You couldn’t make your own magic any morethan a fish could fly, it wasn’t POSSIBLE for Clow! But that doesn’t mean he had to make you so fucking dependant! You remember what happened in ‘45 when he decided to spent an extra weekend in Hong Kong, and forgot it was a new moon?”

Yue did, and he pursed his lips as he searched for a good counter point. Yue had spent the first day of Clow’s extended stay prowling the walls, feeling too restless to focus on anything. He burned himself on the stove and later on the kettle. He had a half dozen projects left half-undone, with no energy to focus on them. The second day, he cried from anxiety in the corner of Clow’s room, and the third, he slept for 15 hours straight, too tired from his Master’s prolonged absence to wake.

“It was a mistake,” he defended Clow, which was true. Kero didn’t take this well, though.

“He. Forgot. It was. A new moon,” he reiterated, tail swishing. “you were almost 40 years old then, yet he couldn’t be bothered to remember you NEED him during a new moon? That you NEED him for everything? And I don’t care if it’s your nature, Yue!” he hollered, shutting his brother up with his mouth half open. “He could have found another way to mold the moonlight, and even without that, he still treats you like crap half the time!”

Yue was livid, his heart beginning to race in his chest and his skin growing cold. “He does NOT!”

“Jerome.” Was all Keor said for a moment. “Mark. Jian Wu. Sophia...Yuko.” Yue hissed. “Oooh, sore spot is it?”

“Clow enjoys sex, so what,” Yue all but growled, his posture beginning to mimic his leonine siblings. “With men, with women; that’s no secret, Kerberos, but it’s me that Clow is in love with!”

“Yeah, tell that to the Yue who spent 4 hours in my room sobbing once when he left you for Jerome when he showed up out of nowhere,” Kero said, not caring how cruel his words were. “Or the Yue who destroyed the kitchen in a tantrum when he spent a week with Yuko and bought her a silk kimono for no reason. And now tell that to the Yue who is going to be holding a newborn in 7 months wondering why his lover isn’t home with them!”

 

And Yue promptly burst into tears. 

He didn’t sob the way he might have as a child; instead, he just clenched his eyes closed, willing the tears to stop. He hung his head, hiding behind his hair as though to shield himself from his brother’s scathing words.

And Kero immediately regretted what he’d said. Damn it, but he couldn’t stand to see his brother cry, especially because of something he did! 

“Bon…” he murmured, raising himself unsteadily on his paws, Yue’s bed sinking under his impressive weight. He nosed his muzzle against yue’s arms, but he only succeeded to getting Yue to curl up, head buried in his arms, folded across raised knees. 

“Yue, c’mon, I didn’t mean it, I swear!” he begged, pawing his shoulder. “Don’t cry, God damn it! I hate seeing you cry!”

Yue proceeded to ignore him, by now not even trying to stop. He just felt like crying, damn it!

Kero was becoming increasingly distressed, at a loss at how to calm his brother. “Yue, listen, please! You know how I can get with my temper! I swear, I don’t mean it-“

“You’re brutally honest when you want to be, Kerberos,” Yue retorted, his voice breaking and muffled. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it!”

“Yue…al I meant was…that I…I’m worried that you only did…this…because Clow wanted you to!”

“You’re wrong. You’re wrong about Clow, he isn’t going to do that, damn it! He has his faults, and I want to strangle him sometimes, but you act like he’s nothing but cruel and he ISN’T! Yes it hurts sometimes when he’s not here, but I KNOW most of them, it’s just sex, and it’s me he comes home to! And you’re wrong about why I did this!”

He huffed, sitting back on his haunches. 

“Ok then, enlighten me. Why did you do it?”

A shrug. “I wanted to. It felt right, somehow.”

Kero nodded to himself, trying to arrange his words with the most extreme caution. “Are you sure you wanted to for yourself, or because you thought it would earn Clow’s approval?”

He finally looked up at his older brother, pale skin reddened, eyes pink. “Do you really think I have such a poor sense of self that I would forgo nine months of my life only to please Clow? Hell, the next two decades?”

“I didn’t say-“

“You might as well have!” he snapped, now on a downhill roll. “I thought you were happy that Clow and I are together? God knows you played a hand in it!”

“Yeah, cause I’m not blind! I could see the way you couldn’t tear your eyes off of him! You were like a lovesick puppy! You still are, and that’s why I have to look out for you!”

“Why, because I can’t do it myself?”

“No, because I’m your brother and it’s my job!” their voices were raising, and he glanced over his shoulder warily at the doorway, hoping they hadn’t woken the mage in question. Turning back, he sighed.

“Look, Bon,” he started softly, nuzzling up closer to his brother, trying to warm the chill over his spirit. “I’m glad the two of you got all that unrequited love crap out into the open. The repressed hormones were driving me insane, I swear!” unfortunately, he failed to tweak even a grin from Yue, he continued to stare stubbornly at his bedsheets. “But I just don’t want you getting hurt!”

“Clow wouldn’t hurt me,” Yue whispered. “He doesn’t do what he does to be cruel. I allow it. I’m sure if I told him to stop, with most of them, he would...and Yuko, well...Kero, he would never hurt either of us.”

Kero nodded. “I’m not worried about Clow hurting you. I already told him what I’d do if he ever did, and have no qualms reminding him of it from time to time. No, I’m afraid that you’ll hurt yourself.”

The angel snorted, “I hardly think-“

“Shut it, Bon! I’m talking!” he snapped, and huffed indignantly, ignoring the outraged glare. “What I mean is, I know how much you love Clow, and how important he is to you. I love the bastard too, but not the way you do, and I…I’m just afraid that someday you’ll make a choice for his benefit without giving any thought to what YOU really want. And I’m afraid this is it…”

The room became cemetery-silent, Yue’s amethyst eyes staring straight down at the blue coverings on his bed, though not really seeing anything.

“You’re wrong, Kero,” he finally whispered, raising his eyes a fraction, glancing sideways at his brother. “I’m not doing this for Clow. I’m doing this WITH him. There’s a difference.”

“Well then you’re going to have to enlighten me here, cause I don’t see it!”

He sighed, plucking a loose lock of hair to start fiddling with. “Yes, Clow told me he wanted a child. He said he always had. And yes, I approached him a few days later with a book I had found in the library, with Clows notes in it-“

“Spare the details, please!”

Yue still didn’t smile, but his eyes seemed to defrost. “Anyway, you are right up to that point, but you’re wrong in thinking I am only doing this because Clow wants it.”

“So…you wanted to have a kid?” Kero puzzled. “I never thought you the type…”

“I’m not,” he admitted, sagging backwards against his pillows as the tone in the room began to calm. “But…I like the idea of sharing this with Clow. I by no means hate children, you know, despite your accusations that I can be a…what is it? An ice bitch.”

Kero sniggered at his favorite pet name.

“So…I don’t know how else to explain it, Onii-Chan,” he murmured, his eyes getting far away again. “It just…feels right. I’m usually one to analyze things, as Clow does, but this…I just had a feeling that I needed to do this, wanted to do this. It was actually Clow who tried to be the voice of reason…”

Kero mulled this over, tossing it across his mind from one side to the other. Finally, he got down to it;

“Yue, are you happy?”

He looked up, gazing directly at his brother now, and not with an expression to kill. “Yes, I am.” He answered after a beat. “I have you, and Clow, and now this. I’m happy, and pleased with the choices I’ve made.” He ended with a note of finality, almost challenge. 

But Kero was in no more mood to argue, even though he...honestly wasn’t convinced. He stretched out, taking a rude portion of Yue’s bed. 

“Alrighty then,” he yawned wide. “If you’re happy, then I am, I s’pose. Just answer me one thing…”

“What?” Yue prompted fluffing his pillows once or twice and trying to kick Kero down to the foot. 

Instead of budging, Kero took one paw and gently prodded Yue’s stomach, as though afraid it might bite. “Is that thing gonna be my new brother or sister, or my new niece or nephew?”

And God help him, he was trying to be nice but he couldn’t help but burst into gales of laughter at Yue’s fish-out-of-water expression.


	8. Peppermint Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting to the point where I have to actually rewrite things. Still have about 5 chapters written, that just need editing to not be trash. Because if you're this far in, I'm assuming you actually like this genre and will henceforth stop referring to it in its entirety as trash.

Yue didn’t speak to Clow about his and his brothers exchange. By the time Clow crawled into bed that night, Kero had padded off to his own room, and Yue was nearly asleep, fluttering his eyes open just long enough to accept a kiss from his Master and snuggle down into his offered arms for the night. He awoke alone, as was becoming the norm, since he had taken up the habit of sleeping clear past breakfast.

Groggy as ever, he tied his hair back into a wide ribbon, looped it just enough to bring it off the floor, and slipped into the first clean thing he found in his wardrobe. Through the open window he could already feel the wafting heat of another scorching September day, nearly ready to slip into October, but the air carried with it the tinge and crackle of a coming rain. He smiled as he did up the silk fastens of his loose blouse; a thunderstorm sounded wonderful right now.

Barefoot as ever, Yue crept down the hall and to the stairs, searching out both his lover and his brother. And food; he didn’t feel ill yet, and wondered if there was anything left over from breakfast. Yue found the dining room empty of even crumbs (not surprising, considering who he shared a home with) and grabbed a handful of figs from the pantry instead as he continued to search for his family. There was no sign of Clow nor his brother in the library, nor Clow’s attic study. Their favorite spot outside was bare as well, and the late-morning air, still as it was, carried no sounds of a lion in flight. The Guardian was just beginning to grow worried when he found a note sat before his usual place at the table;

/Yue, took Kerberos with me to the city today to buy parchment, ink, flour, etc. Will be back by sundown. We will get food from a stall; promised Kero steamed bao, don’t worry about making us supper. Enjoy the quiet, and please eat. Love, C

P.S. Kerberos says not to eat any of the raisin buns left in the pantry or he’ll teach the baby bad words

P.P.S. I mean it, Yue. Eat something. /

Yue turned the scrap of parchment over in his hand, smiling gently. He shook his head at both his brothers attitude and his masters worry, folded the paper up into his pocket, and bit into the sticky, tart skin of the dried figs. Gone for the day, hm? It was an intense rarity to find himself alone in the manor; it was queer, almost scarily quiet, but he savored the stillness and the privacy. A day without explosions upstairs, without needing to scold his master, without getting into any screaming fights with Kerberos; Yue wouldn’t say no to that. He dashed upstairs to the library, browsed around the poorly-reorganized shelves and selected a favorite novel of his, one so worn that even Clow’s binding spells were beginning to come undone. Scurrying downstairs as quickly as he went up, Yue slipped through the bright, airy sunroom and slid open the thin, paned doors. he left them open to the outside gardens, breathing deeply as he stepped from the polished hardwood floor onto the cool, shaded stone outside, then onto the springy grass, long since dried of its morning dew. The hem of his pants swished against the grass as he crossed a short expanse of lawn to his and Kerberos’ favorite spot, a large, heavily-foliaged tree that provided the perfect amount of shade and dappled sunlight. A rope-and-board swing hung, as it had since Yue was new, from a higher branch, and he sat himself into the worn seat comfortably, linking his arms around the ropes and letting his toes drift lazily over the soft grass. It was peaceful, the noon sun crating speckles of distilled sunlight onto the lawn and the wildflowers growing along the trunk of the tree. Cicadas and locusts began to sing in the summer heat, mixing with the cooing of the many birds that nested in the trees nearby. It was warm, it was quiet, he wasn’t ill or tired or pissed. Clow was beside himself, Kerberos seemed to be taking it well, if his teasing was any indication; everything felt calm right now.

Yue passed the early afternoon lost in the pages, so familiar that he had entire passages memorized, but he couldn’t help but lose himself in the familiar imagery, the building and faces as vivid and alive as ever. By around 2, though, his attention began to wander, and he folded the book closed onto his lap, keeping place with one finger, and let his eyes roam, taking in the bed of marigolds not yet bloomed, and the petunias, nearly done showing off their lavenders and burganies. 

“Six months means...March, then, hm? Well, you’ll be old enough to go outside by this time next year, won’t you,” Yue murmured, seemingly to himself. He barely raised his voice above a whisper, feeling almost foolish, muttering out loud with no one around to hear, and he’d surely go red and pretend to be offended if Clow or Kero were to walk outside that moment, but he supposed, it wasn’t talking to himself. not /really.”

“Clow says you already know what's going on...I told him you’re the size of a soybean but he scolded me for that. But if you do, then, I suppose you heard my brother and me yelling last night, hm? I’m sorry...Don’t mind that, Kerberos can get hysterical when he wants, and finds everything in this world to be a grave injustice made only against him. And I…” Yue was not one to admit his own shortcomings; he was arrogant, though he prefered to call it “confident.” Still, though over, he couldn't pretend his screaming match with his sibling hadn’t shaken him up the previous night. “And I don’t like having words put in my mouth. So don’t pay any mind to what he said, hm? About me not really wanting you, or not wanting kids. Just because I’m not the sort to coo over other people's children doesn’t...doesn’t mean you won’t be different, hm? Your father very much wants you, and so do I. I love Clow, he’s a good man, he’ll be a good father; everything is going to be even better, once you’re here.”

)o(

 

Clow and Kero burst through the front door at dusk, obviously fighting over some triviality.

“Kerberos, it isn’t FAIR to use something on my own face when we play I Spy!” Clo argued with enough vitriol to indicate that this argument as actually getting semi-serious. “Besides, how was I even to KNOW I had a smudge of ink on my nose!?!”

 

What the hell are you talking about?” Kero roared back, his claws clattering on the wooden floor in the foyer. “You ALWAYS have ink or soot or incense ashes on your face, Clow! It should be a basic part of how you view yourself by now!”

“Yes but I didn’t even SIGN anything today, when did I get an ink smudge?”

“Clow, old man, you've had it since you left that note for little brother this morning.”

“...You mean I walked around Guandong like this all day?!”

Yue smirked to himself as he met them in the foyer, Clow kicking off his boots and shaking his vest off in the doorway. “Kerberos cheating at games again?” he snorted, pretending to ignore his brothers indignant below. “...when you said ‘etc’ I thought you meant some cocoa or sugar, not a sampling of every stall,” Yue commented, seeing the many parcels Clow had carried in; several cloth bags were filled with groceries from the market, as well as a half dozen or more packages wrapped in unbleached paper or muslin, tied with strings.

“Well, I had a long list,” Clow excused with a laugh, finally through shaking the road dust from his vest and closing the front doors behind him. “And when Kero and I are left to our own devices-”

“shit happens, little brother!” Kero finished, with all the pleasure of a sun guardian filled with bao and noodles. Yue acknowledged his siblings jest with a soft pet through his fur behind his ears, and his Master with a kiss.

“You shouldn’t dress up so much when you go to town; wear older clothes. These show too easily that you have money.”

“My half-breed face makes everyone assume I have money anyway,” Clow sighs, picking up a 10 pound burlap bag filled with flour over his shoulder. He headed to the kitchen, and Yue picked up a small bag of cabbages to throw over his shoulder, following his Master, as Kero trotted along with a bundle of eggs hanging gingerly from his mouth.

“Don’t mind the bigots, Master,” Yue dismissed airily from behind him, unconsciously lifting up his own chin in proud defiance. Yue’s appearance, despite his inhuman coloring, was almost ideal for a Han person (or at least, for a Han woman, which didn’t bother him much) yet he identified as much as English as he did Chinese, and didn’t take well to anyone giving his Master grief for his mixed ancestry. Neither did Kero, honestly, who faced his own sort of bigotry in the magical community, for having an animalistic and, therefor, “stupid” appearance. They shared a quick glance to one another and a nod, agreeing once again that they’d rip someone's throat out if they had to.

The creations passed their burdens to Clow, who piled them into their now-restocked pantry. “It doesn’t hurt, boys, it’s only an annoyance. Whether I’m in China, or England, it’s the same tired rhetoric. At least no one here wants to beat me up,” he finishes with a dry laugh. 

“As though they could,” Yue scoffed with his arms crossed over his chest.

Clow grinned, his blue eyes crinkling. Yue could tell he was tired of the long travel to and from Guangdong, but glad to be home.

“Enough of that, my Love. Come on, I brought you gifts!”

“U-um? Master?”

“More like he bought half the market for you!” Kerberos whined dramatically, as Clow took Yue’s hand and guided him back to the large open front room of the house.

“As if you can complain, Kero!” Clow scolded with a wink. “HOW many barbecue buns did you eat today, hm?”

That put a placating smile back on Kero’s face, not wanting to spoil his chance of more treats in the future. 

“Clow, why did you bring me anything? It’s not Christmas or my birthday, nor New Year's or the moon festival,” he pointed out, but Clow just pressed a finger to Yue’s lips to shush him, as Yue took a seat cross-legged on one of the ornate coches used in the front parlor.

“You know why,” Clow said simply, setting several of the remaining parcels down on the seat beside Yue. “I enjoy spoiling the two of you when I can, and now, I’ll have three to spoil. Besides, I bought little that you wouldn’t need anyway, my love.”

Yue stopped arguing and shyly accepted the soft package pressed into his lap, as Kero bussied himself with a large pork bone Clow had brought home; 5 for soup, one for Kero, was the ration when he brought ribs home from the butcher. with his sibling well distracted, Yue let himself give a small appreciative smile as he undid the muslin square tied around the package, revealing an expanse of soft, brightly dyed linen. Unfolded, he found several long skirts pleated on the sides, and collarless shirts, with soft, pretty patterns around the curved neck and sleeves. They were lined as well, for the cooler months, too warm to wear until at least Novem-

“...oh”. he quipped with realization, a blush coming to his cheeks. He already owned outfits like this, but only one or two, and summer-weight.

“I asked the older woman at the tailors two weeks ago, what to order. Said my…”wife”...was expecting our first. I got an earful about meddling into women's business, but like hell she was going to say no to a paycheck. Nice lady, actually, after she stopped scolding me!” he admitted, torn between a smirk and a glare at his wounded ego. 

Another package held similar clothes, long gowns, this time in darker colors and more layers; for the winter, then, when it grew legitimately cold for their region. A third held a tin of peppermint sweets for his stomach, but a fourth held only a small silver chain, on the end of which hung a single, smooth chip of stone.

“What’s this for, then?” Yue asked, as his other gifts were all practical for the coming months. Clow merely took the small box from his lover, lifted it from the box, and held it up for the purple chip to glisten in the candle light.

“Simply because it’s pretty, and I know you like amethyst,” he whispered, bringing another pink flush to Yue’s cheek. 

“You didn’t need to, Clow...all of this was more than generous-”

“Generous, Yue?” Clow said, raising one black eyebrow and shaking his head, almost incredulously. “My love, how is it “generous” of me to make sure my beloved guardian, carrying my baby, has what he needs to be comfortable?”

“Um…”

“Yue, you’ll need new clothes, yours won’t fit through the winter, and the peppermint is for your sickness. And this,” he finished, holding up the silver necklace, ‘Is simply because I fancied it, and knew it would look pretty against your throat.”

“And here I thought you prefered to adorn my neck in bruises,” Yue said in a whisper just loud enough for his lover to hear, and Clow grinned at his daring.

“I would do so, if you weren’t so shy about it,” he teased back, undoing the clasp on the pendant. Yue wordlessly drew his hair up off his neck, letting Clow affix it around his throat.

“There, see? It looks lovely on you,” Clow said, beaming as he took in his guardians appearance. Yue smiled gently in return, bringing up his hand to feel at the pendant. It was small, but beautifully cut, the facets would surely catch the sunlight beautifully, glowing purple and indigo and magenta. “You keep looking that lovely the next six months and I’ll have no choice but to keep spoiling you!”

Yue shoved his Master playfully, barely grazing him with any strength, before he turned his face upwards and leaned forward slightly, daring enough to ask Clow for a kiss. He sighed when he was rewarded, Clow’s strong hands cupping either side of his jaw, fingers digging into his hair. Yue sighed, letting himself feel the tiredness of the day and the faint unease of his belly, not needing to deny anything unpleasant when they were but small blips. Right now, in Clow’s hands, with his lips against his and his tongue daringly asking for more, Yue was content, any silly, passing apprehension of his situation gone. He was glad Kero was busy, in the fleeting moment he had to spare to think about his brother when he’d rather think about having a bath with his husband. If he was paying attention, he’d be gagging. or, worse, glaring his own anxiety and suspicion, and Yue didn’t want that right now.

Everything was perfect. He made a good choice, No matter what doubts Kero tried to plant in his head.


	9. Rain, Thunder and Other Storms

The fall drew on in southern China, bringing with it mild warm weather and a grateful reprieve for the Reed family, none of whom were too crazy about the scorching summer humidity. October was pleasantly warm, breezy, and stormy, resulting in several nights with the three playing board games on the library floor with cocoa, rain pounding on the tall glass and lightning crackling across the sky. Once, Clow ended up rained in at Guangdong and the boys were left to their own devices overnight. They camped out in a back corner of the library, near a long window seat and told ghost stories. Kerberos was actually quite good at them, and they stayed awake till 3 in the morning, nibbling on snacks and pretending they were full-grown adults who were absolutely not afraid of silly stories told in the dark with clattering thunder. Not at all. 

The Reeds were a spiritual bunch, eclectic as anything. Brought up a mix of Buddhist, Tao, folk and Pagan, there was barely a month that went by without a holiday. October brought at the start the Mid-Autumn festival at Samhain at the end. Yue, obviously, loved the festival, and it was his favorite time of the year. Held on a fall full moon, he basked in the energy in the streets of the city. Kerberos had Saturnalia, but Yue had the moon festival. Usually a reserved man, Yue enjoyed a mid-autumn party; he enjoyed a chance to dress up in his finest clothing with Clow (and Kero hidden in a small bag, being given a bite of everything to eat). The dancing, the stories, the lanterns of every color festooned over the streets of the city, the smell of incense from the altars mingling with the vendors selling dumplings and buns and and sticky rice sweetened with coconut. And, of course, mooncakes, each done with elaborate, glazed designs at the top.

Yue had made them once, ONCE, some years before; they had turned out perfect, eventually, with a fluffy, baked yolk in the center and a simple crescent moon design carved into the top, but he had swore to never make them again on account of how difficult and time consuming the process had been; he snapped at Kero, snapped at Clow, and had a row with Fiery that ended with him celebrating the festival with his left hand wrapped in bandages to protect his burns and Fiery sent to the deck still claiming that Yue deserved it. So, it was a surprise to both to find Yue spending a very early october morning sifting flour with a recipe for mooncakes tacked to a cupboard door.

“You...you’re making mooncakes? For the festival?” Clow hazarded from the doorway, his stance coiled and ready to run at the first sign of anger. Yue was already a temperamental man; add in his pregnancy and the task of making the complicated sweet cake and Clow was fearing for his well being right now, and ushering his sun guardian to stand before him. 

“Mmhm,” Yue indicated casually, digging out the proper cake pans for their shape.

“Um...why?” kero asked, but Yue just shrugged, saying he had his reasons.

“My love, um...if you’re craving something sweet I could make bread pudding,” Clow offered, but Yue shook his head; no, no. Mooncakes.

The two stared at one another, then at the moon guardian, before deciding it wasn’t a good idea to test Yue’s patience any further, and retreated, both treading around their day as though avoiding hot coals, afraid at any second to hear English swearing erupting from the kitchen. However, the morning passed without incident, as did most of the afternoon; well before evening, Yue emerged, covered in flour, his apron seeming to have done no good, and excused himself for a shower, making it clear that anyone- ANYONE- who touched his baking would not live to see Samhain.

And neither man did, though they peeked in, to find a dozen small, hot cakes cooling on the counter (along with an unholy mess everywhere else that Clow would, of course, be cleaning up). They had to admit, they smelled delicious, and Clow had to dig his heels in and finally put Kerberos into check to prevent the beast from devouring Yues hard work within ten minutes; he would NOT fancy a lion-skin rug, thank you very much!

By sundown, Yue as dressed in the most elaborate, traditional gown he owned, bedecked in pale blue and silver silk, layers of lavender underskirts swishing around his feet as he walked, and his hair in a style that was surely constructed only with magic. he glamoured himself only to color his hair black, but Clow could see he’d left silver streaks underneath, visible within the coils and ribbons and pins of his hairstyle. Around his neck he wore his silver and amethyst necklace. Clow watched as Yue, just before they left (via magic, to avoid the ride) took a dyed silk square and bundled up the two most perfectly-shaped cakes, and tucked them into a small pouch over his arm; Kero looked puzzled, but Clow didn’t have to ask.

“You may eat the rest when we’re home, if you haven’t filled your belly with every other morsel at the fair,” yue conceded, more kindly than Kero was use to. Maybe it was the full moon or his favorite holiday, but Kero liked his brothers current attitude. He had almost forgotten about his pocketful of baked goods though, as they wandered around the festival, till they reached a large altar surrounded by lanterns and autumn flowers. Yue slipped quietly towards it, but Clow held back, entertaining himself with a group of dancers weaving down the street. Kero poked his head just barely over the lip of Clow’s satchel, peering around omen in ornate hanfu and men decked out in their finest, to glimpse the altar. There were already dozens of flower arrangements placed on it, lit entirely by candles, several burned out or smoldering sticks of incense. he watched wordlessly as his brother bowed, lit a candle, and a stick of incense. From his small pouch he withdrew the two sweet cakes and placed them near his single candle. He stayed there for some time, watching the flickering candle flame, or the glistening, round, silver moon, seeming to pray; once Kero understood, he turned away, scuttling to the other side of the bag to watch the dancers with Clow and give his brother privacy.

Women prayed to Chang’e at mid-autumn, to find spouses, to ask for love, and to pray for babies.

)o(

Samhain passed quietly at home, being a western holiday with no other known celebrants in their area of China. Candles were lit, gourds and pinecones and deepening leaves began to decorate the halls and tables, which would stay there until Christmas. As it passed, November dawned, and the first real chill of the air crept into their home. Kerberos was already crowing about the beautiful thick coat he was growing in; he loved the winter for this purpose, as, he said, it made him look larger and more intimidating, and he enjoyed puffing it up to make it all stand on end; Yue said he looked like an angry, mangy ally cat. 

Yue tried to keep his insults to a minimum right now though. It was difficult, as he and Kero’s default was of speaking to one another had a grammar function that required at least one insult in addition to a subject and a verb, but he was in little position to be throwing stones. Start of November and he was just over 4 months long, give or take a week, and was starting to show, much to his deepest mortification. It was one thing for Clow to notice, running his hands over his belly as they woke up together among the chill and the fog. Afterall, he made it, so he ought to be happy about feeling the barely-perceptible curve over his abdomen. Kerberos on the other hand...it wasn’t as though Yue was ashamed. he was vain and proud, but not in a way that saw this change as anything to cover in shame. Rather, it was just...new. Queer. Different. Like the other changes to his body, that had him cowering behind a screen for 6 hours. He was very glad for the cooler weather, making layered vests and undershirts easier to wear and smoothe out the slight convex of his middle. For the time being, at least.

By the middle of the month though, this was becoming more and more of a burden to deal with. Kerberos liked to sleep with his head in his lap, liked to nuzzle up to him to beg for sweets or favorite dish for dinner and, worst of all, it wasn’t out of character for the three to save time and bathe together. Kerberos might not often need soap and water, but he enjoyed hanging out in the bathroom; said the steam did wonders for his fur. Yue had avoided this like the plague, at least any time Kero was likely to be around. He was four and a half months, he wasn’t sick any longer, he didn’t feel achingly tired, yet he felt like this was just getting more and more bothersome. 

No...not bothersome, that was the wrong word to use. he didn’t like the way that sounded. A baby wasn’t bothersome. At least, Clows baby wouldn't be. His baby. Well, at least, not a true bother. It was just a tiny thing who needed him, not some burden to just put up with, even if he was growing tired of finding combinations of clothing that looked completely normal from a side view. Trousers were becoming resistant to buttoning, and tucking anything into his waistband was NOT going to happen. So he finally took one of his new outfits down from the wardrobe, unfolded them from their paper, and slipped them on. Luckily, he thought, it wasn’t uncommon at all to wear womens clothing, and nothing about them gave any indication that he was hiding anything. Which, he wasn’t, he just wanted to avoid his brothers merciless teasing. In all honestly, alone in his room as he got dressed that morning, he rather...liked the way he looked. It was still the most bizarre feeling, and even more bizarre to see, but he kept finding himself, between trying different angles to see how it lay, lifting his shirt up sidelone in his full length mirror, to see just how...noticeable...it was.

It was during this moment that he determined that the Gods hated him, because it was during this moment that he realized he hadn’t latched his door, and his brother nudged his way in to announce breakfast. It couldn’t be while he was dressing, no, or getting ready for a bath. No, no, his brother had to walk in on him with his shirt up, poking at his middle with fascinated curiosity.

“Hey Yue, the old man made porridge with honey and...uh...jam…”

The two stared at one another, Yue wrenching his shirt down and turning crimson, and Kero’s lips twitching, trying in vain to hold back a fit of giggles.

“Cute kid you got there Yue. Hope it doesn’t turn out as weird as you ro Clow.”

Downstairs, Clow heard the crash, he heard the shattering, and he heard the sound of a combined 550 pounds and six feet stomping around in chase, but decided that whatever was going on was just not any of his business.

)o(

The households relative peace right now was rare, and welcome. Yue was in high spirits, even with his brother, as the two spent the chilly fall afternoons playing games, reading or, as always, fighting. A fight wasn’t necessarily a sign they weren’t getting along; in fact, as long as there was no bloodshed, Clow considered it a normal part of their bonding, though he prefered “bonding” that didn’t involve finding rugs suspiciously rearranged to cover scorch marks in the floor or the sound of breaking glass followed by racing feet. 

Rain continued to fall intermittently through the week, turning the gardens into a mud thick and slushy enough to keep even Kerberos inside, and he was usually all-for a messy tumblr in the puddles (he always seemed to forget that the filthier he got, the more intense of a scrubbing he’d get in the tub later) and by Saturday they were all three climbing the walls from cabin fever. Yue had decided to start rearranging his and Clow’s shared bedroom, muttering things about a cradle and clothes as he bid Move to help him make room in a corner, get a dresser out of the way, scoot their bed. 

“If you used Float, my love, we could get this done quicker,” Clow pointed out, helping move put the large bureau exactly where Yue wanted it; Clow Reed was not a man for physical labor.

Yue scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest from his spot on the bed. “And have the entire Deck flittering on about my state? No thank you, Clow. You know there isn’t a bigger gossip than Float.”

Clow couldn't argue that; Float liked to hang around tall corners and ceiling beams, listening in on any conversation that didn’t involve her and report all her findings to her brothers and sisters. The had their whole entire little network going on, those who would share juicy stories, those who liked to consider themselves above such loose talk (yet would listen intently all the same). More than one fight had started between the guardians and their master thanks to Floats astute ability to pick up only the most scandalous parts of a conversation. Honestly, Clow was surprised she didn’t somehow know about this already.

He sighed, panting from the exertion of moving a nearly 200 pound chunk of carved wood, and brushed his loose, coal-black bangs away from his face. “You look entertained, my love.”

Yue just grinned demurely, taking in the sight of his lover, vest open, sleeves rolled up, hair tumbling down from a loose, impromptu bun; of course he was entertained, and appreciative. Clows deep eyes narrowed, and he leaned against the bureau he had just finished moving, and silently called Move back to its card form.

“Don’t you look at me like that, Yue Reed, or else we won’t get anything else done all day.”

“Of course we would get something done,” Yue retorted, drawing his bare feet up to sit cross legged, comfortably atop the soft plum-colored blankets of Clow’s bed. “It just wouldn’t involve furniture arrangeing.”

Clow surveyed his lover quietly, unable to keep a smirk off his own face, seeing Yue sit so prim and innocent and haughty, not shy about asking for what he wanted; such a change from the shy, frightened thing he was 50-odd years ago.

“I don’t know, my love,” he said with a deeper edge to his voice, watching as Yue paid even closer attention. “All this hard work today, seeing you sit around so cute and prim and delicate, might have me in a mood.”

“I like your moods,” Yue pointed out airily. “And I am NOT delicate.”

“You are, when I know how easily you could break under my hands.”

Yue quieted, a shiver running through him. he silently sunk his fingers into his loose, unbound hair, pulling out a thin lock and running his fingers down the cool, fine strands before twisting and weaving it between his fingers.

“You would never,” he challenged with confidence. “You’re too much of a sweetheart.”

Yue smiled to himself, seeing how Clow stood taller, shoulders squared and a mock-offended look upon his face, and shivered again as he watched the theatrical playfulness leave his lovers eyes, replaced with a much darker, more serious desire. In just four strides he crossed the room, clenched a firm hand to Yue’s wrist, bidding him to drop his hair. A firm hand to his chest pushed Yue to the bed, unyielding but slow and cautious. In a moment Clow was above him, the bed sinking under the weight of one knee pressed near Yue’s hip, and Yue breathed out slowly. Clows loose, falling hair tickled against his cheeks as Clow caught his chin, tipping his face up for a kiss. A gentle, coaxing touch, but firm, as though pretending to give Yue a choice in the matter, giving the assertive, dominant and powerful control Yue craved while always giving him a chance to stop it.

He didn’t want to, he never did. The rain still pouring outside, the cold seeping through the glass, it went from gloomy to perfectly cozy with Clow’s arms around him.

)o(

“I should have given you poor eyesight; you look just darling in my glasses.”

Yue pretended to pout, his soft, kiss-swollen lips trying to be bratty but just turning adorable in Clow’s eyes.

“As though you would have me anything but perfect,” he argued, but still didn't take Clow’s glasses off his face. he had grabbed them playfully from Clow when he went to put them back on after sex, pressing the pince-nez frames onto his own nose instead and making hat Clow guessed was an impression of his own expressions.

“Any way I made you would be perfect,” he assured Yue, kissing his cheek. The guardian sat straddling Clow’s lap in bed, his favored thin dressing gown tossed on haphazardly against the chill of the room. “Though I suppose archery would be more difficult with poor vision, hm?”

Yue just smiled, taking the glasses off his own face and setting them back onto Clow’s, sighing. His lover spoke of how perfect he made him, but in Yue’s eyes, Clow was more so. Handsome, with his olive skin and his fathers deep, inky blue eyes, the freckles still barely there from the summer sun, thick coils of black hair. Yue was stronger than Clow, for good reason, but Clow’s body showed off his strength more obviously, especially his arms. Yue loved seeing Clow shirtless, loved the strong curve of his arms when he worked in the gardens, the ripples of his back. He was not exceptionally broad, but more so than Yue, enough of a contrast for Yue to appreciate as he ran his hand down Clow’s biceps.

“You wear me out once and you ask me for more?” Clow teased, digging a thumb into a forming bruise on Yue’s thigh. His lover hissed softly, but shook his head.

“Just appreciating,” he said softly, leaning down as well as he could to lay a soft kiss to Clow’s lips. Clow grinned, opened his mouth to whisper something (which would almost certainly be filthy) when a crackling noise filled the room, followed by a bright glow and a whoosh of air. Both Master and Guardian turned their heads towards a small table set against the wall, which held a few candles, flint, a few odd and end pieces of Yue’s jewelry, and a large copper bowl, filled with incense and herbs and, now, smoldering ashes and a letter.

Yue drew his leg over Clow’s middle, wrapped his gown tighter around him, and let Clow rise to grab the letter, fully intent on grabbing the warm spot in the bed as he did so.

“It’s from Jian Wu!” he said with a chipper tone, and Yue perked up, watching his master peel open the wax seal.

“Oh? Is he visiting?” he asked eagerly, and Clow made a motion that meant, I don’t know I haven’t read it yet.

“Wouldn’t be surprised; bastard would drink me dry of wine if he does though; ah, yes, he IS in town!” he sat the letter down and dug around for his trousers, and Yue saw how many thick pages the letter held; Jian Wu always was long winded. He leaned forward, pecking Clow once on the temple, and set about to find his own clothes. If they were going to have company, they would expect to be fed, and Yue enjoyed a chance to show off.

“Kerberos! How does chicken and dumplings sound for supper?” Yue called out as he slipped down the hallway, quickly binding up his hair as he walked. From the other end of the hallway, Yue heard a scuffle, the sound of a quarter-ton lion hitting the floor, and excited squeals, followed by heavy, running footfalls.

“Western dumplings? Chicken? with with the thick gravy, not the watery kind?” he asked, and Yue nodded, finishing the bow for his ribbon.

“Master Jian Wu is visiting,” Yue filled his brother in. “And you know how he likes foreign food, so I figured I’d make an English supper.”

“And and you can make pot pies with the leftovers!” Kerberos said excitedly, dancing circles around Yue, though being cautious to not trip him.

Yue gave his brother his most severe bitch face. “Leftovers, kerberos? When do we ever have leftovers with just the three of us, let alone 4?”

“Well you just need to make like, a KITCHEN full of dumplings! Kero said dreamily, fluttering up into his small form quickly; it was easier to show his abject delight as a small plush toy.

“You think I have a lot more ingredients, time and energy than I do, older brother,” Yue said, but without malice in his voice. His hair back, he tied an apron around his front, noting with mirth that the string didn’t need to be pulled quite as taut as usual, and then wondering whether or not Clow had mentioned this little change to his friend. Well, if he didn’t know yet, he would soon; it was getting difficult to not see at this point.

The two had barely started to make the dough for the dumplings (well, Yue was working. Ker was “helping”) When Clow opened the door to the kitchen.

“Master, it’ll be a late supper but- oh. Are you going out?” Yue queried, once he spotted Clows attire. he had his overcoat pulled on, along with tall boots and a hat.

“Mmhm. Jian Wu is staying at an inn in Guangdong, over a sorcerers home; you know the one, who has a crush on you?”

“You mean the one who has a crush on your “wife”,” Yue reminded him, adding more flour to his dough, remembering the young gentleman who had taken a fancy to Clow’s pretty, female “bride”.

Clow chuckled, nodding. “Yes, well, It has a travelers bridge so I’m going to go pick him up...Um...don’t worry about supper tonight my love, just make enough for you and Kero.”

Yue paused, setting his sifter down and wiping his hands on the front of his apron.

“What do you mean? If you’re using a travelers bridge, you’ll be there and back in minutes,” Yue asked. A traveler's bridge was a simple way for magicians, witches and the like to cross inconvenient distances, and there’s was a large, black velvet drape hung in the library against an otherwise solid, impenetrable brick wall. When given permission by another, a wizard could simply write a location on the wall with a bit of chalk, close the curtain, and then walk right through it. It was as simple as walking into another room.

“Yes, well, Jian Wu and I haven’t seen each other in a while,” Clow supplied. “So I’ll probably be staying at his room tonight.”

Kerberos quietly dropped the spoon of sugar he’d been stealing while his brother was distracted, and lowered himself to stand on the counter, not making a sound, just watching, as Yue’s shoulders began to slump.

“Oh, you’ll...be staying the night with him, then?” he asked, trying to keep his tone light, as he always did, any time Clow indicated he was “going out” instead of just going out. “Couldn’t you...I mean, I thought we could have supper…”

“He’ll be staying for a few days after this, darling; you know he loves your cooking, you’ll have trouble getting him to leave!” he said with exasperation, but Yue knew better. Clow enjoyed Jian Wu’s company immensely, since the two had met not long after kerberos was created. They were both scholars, powerful magicians, and it wasn’t as though Yue was stupid, he knew the two were lovers, Jian Wu was actually one of Clow’s side men he didn’t mind too much, but…

“Clow? Do you...I mean...do you have to stay over?” he asked, taking a step closer to his lover, who seemed far too excited and distracted to notice the change in Yue’s posture. “Couldn't you just...come back home?”

Clow sighed softly, smiling at his lover and giving him a quick, parting kiss. “It’s been two years since I got to see Jian Wu, my love. I’ll be back in the morning. Make sure you eat, my dear moon.”

“But...but Clow, you could-!” but Clow already had let the door swing closed behind him, leaving a quiet kitchen, warm from the fire but suddenly feeling so cold.

“-stay with me…” he finished to the blank, whitewashed door, and from his view from the counter, Kero could see Yue’s back, his shoulders, everything begining to droop and...and to shake? Oh,shit.

“Yue?” he said hesitantly, fluttering up off the counter to chance a look over Yue’s shoulder. “Hey, little brother, don’t you worry about him, k? You know how he is when he has friends over, he’s like an overexcited kid. besides, more dumplings for us, right? huh?”

But Yue wasn’t hearing any of it; he was too busy trying, and failing, not to cry, as he lowered himself down to his knees on the kitchen floor.

“Hey, hey come on Yue, don’t do that!” Kero said, trying to grab hold of Yue’s cheeks and drag his head back up. “Don’t cry kid, Clow’s a jerk, you know that!”

Yue shook his head violently, sending Kero whizzing across the room, barely missing an open bag of potatoes.

“N...No...He...he could have just brought him back!” He argues, tears already beginning to flow freely from his violet eyes, turning red at the rims. “I...he could have! He should have...I know he….he could have!”

Kero flitted about anxiously, his tail stiff and his fur beginning to puff up with his own anxiety. “Well...yeah, that’s true, and he shoulda, Yue, I know...but...but you and I can just have fun without him, ok? hm?” But there was no stopping Yue once he got ahold of a bone, and he just cried harder, wrapping his arms over his middle.

“He should have stayed with me!” he cried, his voice quivering as he tried to get a deep breath. “He didn’t need to...to run off like that, and leave me alone?!”

 

Yeah that...that was exactly where Kero knew this was gonna go. With a flash of amber light, Kero backed away and made the change, giving himself a larger,more sturdy and comforting form for Yue to grabonto, if he chose.

“Yue...Clow loves you, kid, you know that...you’re always saying you don’t mind if he spends a night or two with someone else…”

“And I don’t! Or, I shouldn't...I don’t!” he argues, wiping haphazardly as his eyes, his face, becoming red and splotchy from his tears. “But I’m....I thought h’d...he’d want to be with me, at least for a while…” And he dissolved into sobbing again, hiccuping and gasping, which was honestly freaking the hell out of Kero.

“Yue...Yue come on, you gotta stop that...I don't think you should be stressing yourself out so much right now, huh?” he said, laying a gentle, easy paw against Yue’ stomach. “You keep crying and I bet you’ll never get your kid to shut up!” The humour was lost on Yue, who just curled up tighter, cried harder, and sounded like hell when he tried to make actual words.

“I did...didn’t want him to...to go! I’m preg-nant, he should be with m..me!” he argued. “What the hell did...di I do?! Kero I fucked up!”

...Kero knew that, honestly. He knew that from the start. Or at least, he thought he did, but didn’t want to be right about it.

“Hey...no, Yue, you didn’t fuck up, ok?” he coaxed, rubbing his broad, silky head against Yue’s arms. “You didn't fuck up or make a mistake, alright? Clow is an asshole, but this isn’t just his kid, you know?”

Yue just continued to sob, soaking the front of his apron. “No, I...I messed up! What the hell did I do?!”

‘Threw away about 16 years of your life in a last-ditch effort to make your lover pleased with you?” Kero thought to himself, but, obviously, kept it to himself.

“You made a really hard choice because you love someone very much,” he said judiciously. “And now you’re gonna have a kid and I bet it's gonna be cute, huh? Maybe it’ll look like you. Hope it does, and not that asshole, right? huh?” he almost thought he heard Yue huff a chuckle between his crying, but it might have been his imagination too. “Come on Yue, please stop crying? You’re gonna make yourself sick, and Clow isn’t worth it”

They spent half an hour like this, till Yue finally, at least, quieted down, but he didn’t really show any desire to get off the dirty kitchen floor. He felt sick, his head ached, and he wanted to just crawl into bed for the rest of the night, but didn’t want to be alone.

“Clow was suppose to...to stay...at least for a while,” he croaked with a raw voice as Kero brought him a kettle full of water (he couldn’t carry a cup while it was full). “I mean...I know he has Yuuko, and that’s not going to change but I thought….I thought if-” he always trailed off there, though, now that his fit was over, as though he couldn't’ bring himself to say his reasons outright, and a silence fell between them, both pretending for Yue’s sake that there were absolutely no obvious ulterior motives for his current life situation. As the quiet grew longer and more stressful though, Kero couldn’t stand to just lie there and let Yue look so morose.

“Hey, Yue!” Kerberos suddenly chirped, his bright tone earning a glare from Yue, pressing a cold cloth to his face. “I got something for you to do!”

“And what would that be?” he asked, disinterested, despondent, and still trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. But that was exactly why he needed Kerberos's particular brand of optimism. If left to his own devices, Yue Reed could sink himself into a depression over the most trivial matter, let alone something as serious as his lover leaving him alone and pregnant for drinks with another man.

Kero smiled broadly, ornery, his tail swishing lazily.

“…I don’t like that gleeful expression, brother…” Yue warned, but he honestly didn’t have enough strength right now to fight his brother. “What are you thinking? I'd really rather just...go to bed.”

“I’m thinking that there’s a select group of people who STILL haven’t heard your WONDERFUL news!” he gushed, and Yue guessed his enthusiasm was pointed more towards potential mortification than joy at Yue’s news. 

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “And who is that?” he wanted to know.

Another beaming grin. “Why, all our other brothers and sisters of course!” he beamed, and before Yue could do more than widen his eyes and open his mouth to protest, Kero had his hand in his mouth, leading him in a canter form the room. Shock Yue from his pouting mood, that was his current idea, it seemed.

“Kerberos, I don't feel like this much company right now,” he tried to argue, digging his heels in to resist being tugged along.

“Right, and what would you do otherwise? Sit and cry for another hour?”

“Well” he hollered, struggling to regain his precarious balance. “I don’t think this is the right time to tell the Deck!”

“Oh? And when ish?” he countered, not dropping Yue’s hand. “After you pop the t’ing out and it’sh hol’rin in your armsh?”

“Yeah, I was thinking that’d be about-woah!” he yelped at Kero gave him one more lurch into the empty library, in which the Book was kept. 

“Kero” He groaned, leaning heavily on a writing desk, glaring darkly at Kero, still in a foul-self pitying. “Are you mad? I could have fallen, getting pulled through the halls like that!”

“Oh, now you scold me?” he sneered, turning to the desk Yue was leaning on and mouthing open the top shallowest drawer. “First you claim that there’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t want anyone fussing! And NOW you're claiming you’re too fragile to do a little running?”

“There IS nothing wrong with me and I am NOT frail!” he snapped, clenching his hands at his side, becoming so angry he hardly noticed Kero gently easing the book from it’s place and resting it atop Clow’s desk. “The point is, it surely couldn’t be good for the baby to get mauled around like you do-“

And only when Kero, not listening at all, finally flicked a claw against the latch of the book did Yue realize what he was doing.

“Onii-Chan, wait! Don’t-!”

But too late. A shower of stiff paper cards flew from the hollow book, scattering about the room in small flurries of light, changing shape, size, color, forming into new forms, familiar forms…

And then there was the chatter. Over the past few months, Clow had been struck with a sort of muse, and now there were a total of 27 Cards, where before there were but 19. And most of them enjoyed talking more than a person should.

The room was a sudden burst of happy, bubbling voices, shouting greetings, salutations, excitements and joyful questions in 3 different languages, or the gibberish of the animal-like Cards.

“Kero!” Fiery burst forward, grabbing his Guardian in a warm ( literally) hug. “How’s it goin there, Kero?” He was Kero’s favored Card, and he had, unfortunately, taken up his habit of terrible grammar. 

Soon he had a whole gaggle of Sun Ruled Cards all bouncing around giddily, whist the mostly calmer, Moon Ruled Cards were more restrained, if no less happy. 

“Ooooh! And to what do we owe this unexpected outing?” Flower wanted to know. “Some sort of party?” she added hopefully, for she loved celebrations of every kind.

Kero opened his mouth to reply, “Actually, it’s-“

“Oh, I do hope it’s a party!” cooed Sleep, stars sparkling in her eyes.

“And what would you know about parties?” The tiny Little wanted to know; she was hardly an inch tall, but had the attitude of a puma. “All you do is put people to sleep!”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be the life of a party!” she giggled, winking one eye. 

The Voice mimicked a calm, familiar tone as she put in, “It’s been too long since we’ve heard Song sing, so if it IS a party, we must all be invited, her as well!”

Windy smiled serenely, a gentle gust blowing across Voice’s face. “I would appreciate the notice if you’re going to take my words,” she informed quietly, and Voice nodded absently. 

“Storm and I don’t like parties!” Rain announced stubbornly, crossing his arms. “No one ever wants us there!”

“That’s because you rain on everyone's parade!” Fiery retorted, hot tempered. 

“Actually, um…” Yue could hardly hear the insubstantially voice of Mirror trying to break above the din of her brothers and sisters, but it was swept away like sand on the beach.

“Oh, THAT'S an original pun!” Storm defended his brother Card. “Come on, even Shadow gets invited!”

Shadow said nothing, just continued to do what he always did outside the book; brood. Stand silent in the corner and brood, making everyone around him slightly uncomfortable.

“Er…right…” Fiery dismissed uneasily, casting a shifty look over to the cloaked Card. “ANYway, you get invited, you just get yourselves kicked out!”

“Um…I don’t think it’s a part-“

“And who’s fault is that?”

“Not ours!”

“Dash was allowed to stay at the last one even after he bit that one lady!”

“Yeah, and he broke skin!”

“When IS this party?”

“I want a cake there! Strawberry! No, angel food!”

“Oh, you’ve got sugar stuck in your ears-“

“I do n-“

But suddenly the room went absolutely quiet; mouths still moved, arms and fingers still pointed accusingly, but not even a wisp of a voice was heard.

Three guesses why; Silent stood calmly not far from Shadow, a single finger held to her hidden lips. With all attention now on her, she calmly lowered her finger, pointing to a timid Mirror, who’s greenish skin darkened under the gaze of her siblings. 

“Um….um….I…actually think…Kero and Yue…have something to say…” she managed to stutter out, before ducking her head shyly down…

And then all eyes were focused on the Moon Guardian…pale eyes, green ones, cat-like eyes, blank yellows…all sorts, turned expectantly to her whatever it was he had to say. Great, this is exaaactly what he wanted. he was going to kill and skin his brother when they were alone, maybe not in that order. This is truly the last thing he wanted right now, to be front and center with his siblings, all of them so chipper when he felt so lost.

“I…I, um…” he struggled to start, wishing like Hell that at least Clow would have been here…but then, that thought just brought another sting to his eyes. Clow wasn’t here, that was the problem. That was entirely the problem.

“Yue has great news!” Kero suddenly boomed out, practically bouncing up and down in his bubbly way. He was trying his damndest to not let Yue start crying, or start to hate himself for a decision that was long past too late to change,

“Oh?” Flower asked politely. “Is Yue the reason we’re having a party?” 

“Well, we’re not having a party…” he said slowly, hoping not to disappoint his floral sister.

“But he does have a reason to celebrate!” Kerberos interjected again, grinning madly, and everyone’s stares intensified.

“You know, we HAVE felt something strange,” remarked Windy kindly; though younger than Yue, she acted quite the older sister. “Well? What is it that you would like to tell us, Yue?”

Yue gulped, wondering how none of them had seemed to notice the physical answer to that que-

“Yue, are you having a baby?” queried a small and deceivingly adorable Power, looking curiously at his stomach.

“You moron, of course he’s not having a baby!” Fiery dismissed with a snort. “Yue-Chan’s real pretty, but he’s still a man!” 

“Actually, Fiery, she’s right, and doesn’t he look like Float by now?”

“See? I TOLD you he’s- WHAT?!”

“You know, I believe that Kero reacted in much the same way,” Yue remarked idly, figuring he should just go with it at this point while Fiery stood before him, mouth gaping open rather unattractively. 

“You can’t be pregnant! You’re lying!”

Yue raised one eyebrow, then looked pointedly down at the too-obvious swelling beneath his pale blue shirt, giving the soft fabric a bit of a tug backwards, pulling it a bit tighter across his stomach.

“I assure you, dearest older brother, that I am.” if they noticed how despondent he sounded, over something that should have made him beam, they didn’t comment. Kero did though, and he huffed quietly, taking a step closer to his brother, and easing his head onto Yue's hip, as though trying to concince him...reamind him...that this WASN'T a giant mistake he should regret.

It was as though Silent had cast her charms across the room again, but she, too, was standing with her visible eyes coin-round in shock. No, it was surprise that kept his brothers and sisters from reacting, which he should be grateful for-

It didn’t last though, which, he realized, was exactly What Kero was going for. Little, Power, Rain, any card with a sweeter, more open disposition, with the easy-going nature to just take things as they were, crowded around him, laughing, and asking a thousand questions.

“Yueee!” the little cried, bouncing up and down like a spring atop his hair. “Yue’s gonna be a mommy!”

“Ohohoh! And Master is going to be a daddy!” squealed Power excitedly, tightening her grip around his leg painfully, needing to have a calmer Card remind her of her own strength. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Fiery finally managed to mutter, rather dazed. 

Yue felt his face warming as the onslaught of congratulations continued, accompanied by copious amounts of attack-like hugs, squeals, and too many hands wanting to touch his belly. Not far away, Kero sat tall and proud, seeming very satisfied, both at his own plan, and at seeing his brothers misery at being the center of so much attention.

Well, everyone except Shadow. He was still standing silent in his corner; hell, even Silent had bowed her head in a…well, silent congratulations. 

“Oh, this is so great!” squealed the Sweet, floating merrily across the room.

“But…Yue…” said the ever-polite mirror, gazing at her guardian with wide, confused eyes. “How can you have a baby? You’re not a girl...is this ok?”

The red in his cheeks became richer; he loved his siblings, his charges, he did, but this was too much attention for a being who was slightly socially withdrawn. 

“I…that is a very good question, Mirror, with a very good answer, but it’s also a very long one, and i'm just...too tired to talk about it.” He supplied, and Mirror nodded, her green hair waving softly as she showed her understanding. 

It seemed a good enough reason for the other Cards as well, though he guessed the more mature ones were able to put 2 and 2 together; Clow WAS a practitioner of magic, after all. 

Unfortunately, what he hoped would be a quick meeting he could skulk away from quickly to go hide in his room and lament his life choices turned out to be one big afternoon party, and there he was, the guest of honor, stuck in a room with every last one of his sisters. 

Well, and his brothers, but most of them didn’t count; they got over their squealing fairly quickly, and Dash was content to simply curl up on his lap, acknowledging his keen awareness of the situation only by giving his stomach a gentle nudge every now and again, which even Yue had to admit, was sweet, despite being awkward

And Shadow was lurking. He was a king lurker. And still in the same blasted corner. 

“Yue, when is the baby going to be born?” Power wondered, hanging off the arm of the chair he’d wound up in.

“Sometime in March-“

“And is it gonna be a boy or a girl?” inquired Mirror. 

“Um…we don’t know y-“

“What are you gonna name it?” pressed Power

“We don’t know that yet either-“

“Is Master excited?”

“Of course he i-“

“What the hell were you THINKING?” a still distraught, shocked Fiery demanded again, sitting in the fireplace trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"I honestly don't know at this point, Fiery..."

Several of the older cards as well, the Dark and Light, Wind and Wood, showered him in kisses and congratulations, but at this, they shared worried looks behind his back,

By late afternoon, Yue was really growing a bit frazzled by all the high-pitched gales of excitement, quelled only by the soothing effects of the “older” Cards. But, it had worked, much to Kero’s delight. Yue was smiling, if faintly, and tiredly, Clow out of his mind at least for a few moments. But eventually, one by one, they filed past him, either to warmly say goodnight to Kero to to simply go back to sleeping in the Book, until every Card was tucked away in their 2 dimensional forms.

Well, except Shadow. 

Finally, Shadow finally moved out of his darkened corner, gliding more than walking, the hem of his black robes barely fluttering, until he came to stand directly before Yue, his Guardian.

They were pretty well matched in height, and had Shadow not had his hood lowered right over his face, would have been almost eye-to-eye…Though Yue wasn’t even sure he HAD eyes…

In any case, Yue tried not to look nervous or even slightly intimidated by this Card, one under his own Jurisdiction, but when one looks like the Grim Reaper, it was hard.

Silence. Not even a breath.

Twice, Shadow raised one arm up at the elbow, like someone might do when they think they might finally have the right words, but each time he only dropped in again.

Yue was sure he could hear an awkward cricket somewhere in the room.

Finally, he stood taller, as though finally assured of what to say, and Yue waited with baited breath…

But no. His shoulders sagged, his hand dropped, and he just shook his head sadly before turning away to the Book.

Even after he was sealed away, Yue didn’t move, just blinked, until Kero finally marveled,

“Holy Cow, Bon! You almost got Shadow to socialize! That’s the closest I’ve ever seen him to making a sound since he lost to Power at arm wrestling!”


	10. Off Mark

The brothers slept together that night, curled in Yue’s room, warm by the fire with hot cocoa as the rain continued to pound against his shuttered windows. Neither had spoken of Clow Reed the entire evening, not since Yue had been drug from the kitchen by force. Just because he wasn’t in their presence though, or his name on their lips, didn’t mean Clow wasn’t there. Kero could see him all over Yue’s face, in his eyes, melancholy paling his skin past its natural cream.

“...If you don’t drink that I’ll drink it for you,” Kero teased, knowing an offer to take Yue’s food was a sure-fire way to have him hiss and grab it back for himself; rule number 9 of siblings. Just because I don’t want it, doesn’t mean you can have it. 

Yue gave a stir to his mug, slushing up the melted chocolate that had begun to settle at the bottom, but made little more motion than that. He was staring into the swirling cup, as though seeking answers within cocoa powder and cream like tea leaves. Kerberos gruffed, licking the last dregs of sweet chocolate out of his own bowl.

“Come on, you can’t deprive my niece of sweets this young, that’s just cruel!” he teased, trying to elicit some kind of reaction from him, but his brother seemed to be far off in another world. Or at least, 4 miles away, at an inn in Guangdong, wondering after his errant lover. Kero wouldn’t stand for that. He swore to not become involved in their love life DECADES ago, but with his brother so depressed and his creator seemingly blind, deaf and dumb to it all, he really had no choice. He had to at least butt in enough to distract his twin.

“So...have you thought of any names you like? Is it gonna have a Chinese name, or an English one?”

“Kerberos I...I really don’t want to talk about the baby right now.” Yue’s voice was a quiet whisper, just a ghost of noise, but it was heavy all the same, dragging even chipper Kerberos down with its mood.

“Oh, maybe you haven't thought of any yet? Well, I think Kir would be a good name, after its favorite uncle and all, or maybe Cera after Cerberus if it’s a girl-!”

“Knock it off!” Yue interjected sharply, his entire body bristling against Kero’s non stop chatter. “I just said I don’t want to talk about that right now!”

Kero crossed his paws in front of him slowly, as though making himself comfortable against the biting wind of Yue’s voice.

“Well, why the hell not? It’s your kid, Yue, one you seemed to put a whole lot of fuss into getting!”

Yue sat his mug down on the hearth with a clunk, warm cocoa sloshing over the sides to create a sticky mess for him to clean up later, but that was a Future Yue problem; Present Yue had enough to deal with.

“Right. Got exactly what I wanted didn’t I,” he said flippantly, opening up a door to a room Kero really wasn’t sure he wanted to follow his brother into. But, he knew he would, dark as pitch or not.

“...Yue? Remember a while ago, after you told me you were gonna have a brat, and I spent an hour screaming at you in your room?”

“No, Kerberos, I somehow managed to wipe that small event from my memory,” was Yue’s bitterly sarcastic reply, so tinged with venom that even Kero had to curl his lip in sneering disgust.

“Whatever, princess, I know you do. Well?”

“Well what?”

“Well I was right, wasn’t I?”

Yue looked away, staring icily at a shelf across his room, holding several books and small trinkets, though he was barely seeing it; he just didn’t want to look at his brother.

“Yue.”

“What.”

“This isn’t gonna go away just because you’re pissed at Clow,” Kero pointed out, and Yue set his jaw firmly, really wishing he hadn’t invited Kero to sleep with him that night. “You’re like, what, halfway gone anyway? You’re gonna have a baby by spring whether you’re fighting with that asshole or not, you know, so-”

“I’m not STUPID, Kerberos!” he roared back, as though suddenly he were the one with a leonine form. “I get that, I do, that’s why I’m freaking out right now, if you hadn’t noticed! I’m pregnant, almost five months, and I’m terrified right now, and I’m scared, and I’m wondering what the hell I’m doing because-”

“Because Clow was suppose to stay?” Kero supplied in a murmur, his gentle voice somehow blockading Yue’s yelling. It worked, though; the feather damned the raging waters, and Yue felt his chest constricting, threatening to squeeze more tears from him, more sobs from his throat. He just nodded though, pulling his legs up as far as he could, wanting to make himself small.

“I don’t...I don’t always mind it, you know,” he murmured, though he was, again, putting his direction anywhere but on his twin. “When Ezra is in town and Clow spends a few hours in the guest room, or when he does business in Tokyo...I know he’s seeing Yuuko too. I’ve seen him kiss her at the dinner table right after me. And I know the others are just friends he enjoys...extra time with, and I know he’s as in love with me as he is Yuuko, I KNOW that, but…” he paused to wipe at his eyes, blinking furiously to try and keep himself composed. “Sometimes I enjoy the time alone without having to tend behind him, but sometimes I want his company, I want to pretend like it’s just us. But that’s /selfish/ and-”

“How is that selfish?” Kero wanted to know, is tone holding the hint of a growl beneath it, though Yue wasn’t sure if that anger was to be placed at him, or at their Master.

“Because Clow is in love with her, Kero. He’s been with her long before either of us was even born, and with the others I know, it’s just sex. I’m not lying, Kero, sometimes I honestly don’t care, but others...I wish I could ask him to not go.”

Kero shook his head, his fur glistening in the firelight. “I don’t get it, kid, I honestly don’t. How hard is it, once in a blue moon, to say to him, put me first? Stay with me tonight, go out tomorrow?”

Yue didn’t answer him with words, but he didn’t need to. They both knew the answer. Yue was not that sort of person. He fidgeted, brushing his hair behind his ears, and sighed. He didn’t tell Clow Reed what to do. He owed everything to Clow, his life, his breath, his home, his magic, his family. Clow was not obligated to make him, nor to return Yue’s love. He considered every kiss, every caress and every warm embrace to be a gift; how could he demand more?

“I...want Clow to be with me because he /wants/ to be.”

“Yue...he DOES want to be,” Kero said carefully, trying to not sound like he was taking Clow’s side in this, not with Yue so upset. “Yue, Clow loves you, you know he does...I know I bitch about him and yell at him at all hours, and Gods know he deserves it, but Clow isn’t...a bad guy…”

“I know that,” Yue said with an aching earnestness gripping his chest. “Clow is a good man, he’s kind, he’s generous, he’s gentle and patient, Kero, I...I know he doesn’t do this to hurt me, but sometimes it just /does./”

 

“Then you need to tell him that,” Kerberos urged, but Yue just shuddered.

“I don’t want him thinking he can’t go “see” anyone else at all,” he diverted. “I just wanted some time with just him, so...I thought that if he had a...a proper family here at home, then maybe for a year or two at least, he’d...want to choose me first…”

Yue tipped his head back, shuddering as he breathed and trying to keep himself together. “And now here I am, alone and pregnant with the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Don’t say that!”

Kero’s snapping was enough to shock Yue out of the start of his crying.

“Don’t talk like that, Yue. You can bitch about Clow, you can scold yourself for being a pushover, but fact is, kiddo, you had a year to make this choice, and it’s done. You can’t go back in time and undo this, and I know you, Yue. You wouldn’t wish any harm onto that thing, would you.” It was a statement,not a question nor a challenge. Yue pursed his lips thin, but didn’t disagree. He brought his hands up to fold gently over his stomach, fingertips rubbing against the fabric of his shirt gently.

“No...but what am I supposed to do now? I don’t know a single damn thing about children. I was counting on Clow to know…”

“Well for one I don’t think Clow knows any more than you do,” Kero pointed out. “But for another, don’t you think that Clow is just gonna up and leave. Yue...you know I have issues with Clow, and I tell you well and often. He’s impulsive, he’s manipulative-”

“He’s too secretive for his own good,” Yue put in, and Kero nodded firmly.

“Yeah, and he gets too drunk at parties.”

“Flirts with anything attracted to men,” Yue jeered, but there was almost a note of humour in it too, remembering Clow’s few moments of floundering.

“And he’s forgetful and lazy too!” Kero continued enthusiastically. “And...and you know how I feel, about how you were made. At how you have to be near him or you get sick, how if anything happens to him, you’re always the first one to suffer.”

“And you know how /I/ feel,” Yue said, not contrarily, but complementary, as is his nature. “That...even when I’m sick, or alone, or having to suffer through Clow’s decisions, that it isn’t that he ever /wanted/ me to be weak or in pain from him. He had a whim, and went with it, without thinking of how it would play out.”

Kero nodded, pleased at Yue’s rare use of judicial fairness. It wasn’t often he could get Yue to even admit to what hell his nature could put him through, due to his making.

“Well...isn’t it rather the same now, then?” Kero offered. “Clow made an impulsive choice, seeing the good that would come from it, without stopping to think of the bad all the way through?”

“...Clow Reed is such a jackass,” Yue agreed, though he sulked about it, still tracing patterns with his fingertip over his stomach.

“That he is, Yue. He’s selfish and indulgent and narcissistic at times. But he loves us, both of us. ...All three of us.”

)o(

The rain stopped that night, leaving the gardens a swamp. but the morning dawned far warmer than expected for November, and Yue dawned with it. By 9 he was outside, barefoot in the grass down the hill, just himself, a quiver of arrows, and a bow. Archery was how he cleared his mind when he was frustrated, angry, or upset. It kept his hands busy and his mind sharp, forcing him to focus on something physical he could demolish, rather than on some vague idea of /something/ that worried him.

Firm stance. Arrow loaded. Raise, pull, aim. The sound of the string springing forward and the arrow cutting through the tepid morning air was more soothing than any hot bath or chamomile tea. A long-dead tree near the pond served as his target right now, a large “X” carved into the gray bark with a crystal shard. Time and time again he drew, released, and watched his arrows come within a hand's breadth of the center mark. Yue was good, and deadly accurate, and he prided himself on this. His magic allowed him to draw a string back further than most, and carry his prefered weapon at all times, but it was natural skill and hard work alone that kept himself so accurate. 

Clow would be home soon, with Jian Wu, and he knew this. He hoped they had breakfast at the inn, because he wasn’t going to be cooking till dinner. He didn’t fucking feel like it, and would rather spend that hour out in the strengthening sunlight, feeling the cool breeze ruffle his bangs, contrasting the warmth against his shoulders and back.He let out a slow, deep breath as he released another, and watched it fly, free and determined, cracking another out of its mark in the tree.

“Haven’t hit the center yet, my dear moon?”

Yue turned behind him at the voice and the sound of his name, so deep in his own mind that he didn’t even feel his masters power grow stronger as he arrived home. Clow was clean, though he wore yesterday's clothes, and he smiled serenely as he opened his arms to embrace his lover.

Yue allowed it, let him kiss the top of his head, but did not return the affection. Instead, he picked another arrow up from his pile.

“Did you enjoy your visit?”

“I did,” his master replied with a knowing smile. “And he will be staying two nights with us; I’ll fix up a spare room for him, my love.”

Yue nodded vaguely, hoping Clow wouldn’t feel his heart begin to hammer in his chest. Load. Draw. Aim. Release. Another 2 inches from the center of the X.

“Did you have breakfast, darling?” Clow queried, the pause in his voice indicting he could still read Yue as well as ever, when he bothered to pay attention, and could tell something was amiss. Yue hmm’d his response, muttered something about rice porridge, and drew another; he was nearly out. He would have to retrieve his emptied quiver, or begin to use his own magic.

He was alone with him. They had a guest over; by the time he had Clow to himself again, he would lose his nerve. He caught his master's attention just as he was turning to go inside.

“Clow?”

“Yes, my love?” Clow paused, turning around to face his guardian, but Yue could not face him. he kept his hands on his arrow and his eyes on the target as he swallowed thickly and said,

“I...I want you to...stay home with me, Clow. Until the baby is born. I...I need you near me. Please.” he finished with a shudder to his voice, one he hoped he wasn’t carrying over to show in his body or his stance. There was quiet, and then the shushing of footfalls across damp grass. Clow’s warm arms circled him from behind, wrapping around his middle and pressing his back to Clow’s warm chest. His master said nothing, but Yue could feel the tightness in his hands, and the kisses to his shoulder, his cheek and his neck. They stood still for several moments, without words exchanged, but they didn’t need to be. Yue said his piece, and Clow seemed, at least, to understand. 

A promise, another kiss, footsteps back to the house, growing dimmer and dimmer. A racing heart, sweating palms, a bellyful of guilt and an arrow that flew clear past the tree.

)o(

Kero watched from the window, spying, and though his brother was far out of earshot, he could read his body language as well as anything. besides, he made Yue PROMISE to tell Clow, to ask him to stay. Watching their embrace, he felt a slight bit of pride in his baby brother, for doing something so damn hard for him. TO Yue, this was scolding, this was standing up to Clow, a man Yue saw at once as a lover, a husband, a creator, a giver, a protector, nearly a God to him. He knew to demand something like this of Clow Reed cost Yue a great deal. Which is why he didn’t have it in him to be too disappointed, nor too surprised, when Yue shut himself away for most of the day, and came down to dinner wearing jewels at his throat, his hair pulled off his neck, perfume and a gown that attracted the eyes of both men appreciably. Clow may not get it, but Kero did. Yue was apologizing, for having the nerve to ask for something Clow had already given without question.


	11. In Which Clow Reed Digs His Grave Deeper.

Visitors were hardly a rarity, but they lived far enough off the beaten path that they didn’t receive much drop-in company. Clows friend Ashura, a European magician of considerable power, dropped by a few times every year when he could manage, as did Ezra, a Russian wizard of very little power but good at medicine. Still, unexpected guests were enough of a rarity that a knock on the door was met with both excitement and a bit of apprehension. As was the reaction of the guardians one morning in early December when a sharp, firm knock brought them out of a nap by the fire.

“Company!” Yue heard his brother shout through the fog of sleep, followed by the thumps and bangs of a 400 pound cat tearing through the first floor. 

All the doors in their home were fashioned with curved handles rather than round knobs, allowing the gold beast to open doors with his mouth without assistance.

‘He can entertain,” Yue thought drowsily, turning to warm his back. Just five minutes, he swore….

“Grams! Gramps!”

His lavender eyes shot open at Kero’s hollering; after all, his voice was hard to ignore during times of calm, forget about when he got excited. 

“Grandmother-?” Yue mumbled to himself, reluctantly leaving his potential nap. He furrowed his brow as he drug himself off the couch to cross the large, open room to the foyer. What would Clow’s parents be doing here? Last he knew, they were still living in England. China was one hell of a trip, especially Eastern China!

But true to word, Yue turned a doorway to come face to face with none other than Jonathan and Ming Reed. He was more than a little taken aback, and even more surprised once he noted the copious amounts of baggage the couple had with them…but he smiled nonetheless. He had known the two since he was only a child, and saw them every two or three years for a long visit. But those were usually planned in advance…

“Yue, my dear!” came a familiar voice, the short form of Clow’s mother reaching out excitedly to embrace him. And Yue, so taken aback, so surprised to see them, didn’t think to not walk in with a hand on his belly, a new habit he’d taken up. he didn’t even realize what sort of posture he was showing till he saw Ming’s lips purse into thin lines, and her arms fall slightly.

“...So it’s true,” she said with a tone of voice Yue couldn’t place, though a disbelieving-yet-not-surprised sigh seemed to be a good description.

“Oh, I um…” Yue began, tugging the hem of his clothes down quickly. He was also warm around the collar as he blushed, offering her an anxious smile back that he was sure looked more like a grimace. “That’s um...Ming, you see…”

“So you’re pregnant?” Ming asked, her eyes stern and her voice serious. Before Yue could stammer another reply or, somehow, try to deny why his shirt was hanging the way it was, Kero quipped up his two cents.

“Yup! Freaky, right?” he said with a jovial smile that didn’t match his words. He took the back of Yue’s loose shirt in between his lips, gently tugging on it to pull it taut. “Clow knocked him up back in June I guess. Or “her” I guess we should say now, eh lil SIS?”

“I will END you,” Yue hissed, tugging back his shirt and glaring down at his sibling. When his eyes returned to Clow’s mother, her own looked sorrowful, and he bit on his bottom lip gently, worrying it and wishing for some way to explain this that...didn’t sound disturbing and like a reason to damn him as a crime against nature.

“So it’s true then.” she repeated her husband's words. She reached out, took Yue’s right hand in both of hers, and squeezed it gently, rubbing her fingers over his soft skin.

“Um...Ming? Beg pardon?” a now anxious Yue queried, but she gave no answer, merely dropped his hand and made a beeline for the stairs behind them. .

“CLOW ALEXANDER REED!” 

There was a distinct blundering in the kitchen, established by the sudden clatter of pans, a slosh like spilt water, and an exclamation of “Ai ya!” 

Scuffle. Clatter, footsteps, and finally the magician poked around the corner, distracted by his sodden robes.

“Yue, you know I hate it when you use my full name!” he chastised as he entered the room. “I swear, it’s like having my moth…Mother!” And he came to such a sudden, lurching stop that his glasses went askew on his nose. “What’re you doing here?”

Ming finally stepped even away from a very tense Moon Guardian to focus on her son instead. “I was under the impression that we had been invited!” 

Clow repositioned his glasses and used a spark of magic to dry the front of his robes. Once he wasn’t dripping, his mother latched onto him instead. Rather than giving him a warm, motherly embrace like Yue would suppose, she instead reached into her sleeve and pulled, from seemingly nowhere, a very old, worn, carved wooden spoon and promptly whacked her son across the crown of his head with it.

“Clow Reed what in Heavens name has possessed you?!” she began to scream in Mandarin, landing another whack onto Clow’s shoulder as her grown son raised his arms to try and protect himself from his mother's blows. 

“Mother I- OW! I wrote you over 2 months ag-AH!” Ming didn’t let up on her assault long enough to let her middle child have any voice for himself though. Several times her favorite instrument landed across his back, over his head, bruised his arms and shoulders.

“Um...Ming? Master??” Yue called out with a shaking voice; instinct said to protect his creator, common sense told him to back the fuck off of whatever was going on. Warm hands settled heavily on his shoulders, and the guardian looked up to see Clow’s father behind him.

“Why don’t you come sit down, Yue,” Jonathan suggested, his voice light as though he wasn’t watching his wife beat the tar out of his son. Yue wanted to argue, but was in enough shock to not know what to say anyway, and let Johnathan lead him over to a couch to sit on.

“OW! Ow, Mother, What the hell did I do?!” asked the lump formerly known as Clow Reed, who had finally decided to show his submission by lowering himself completely down to the floor.

“You write to me that you’ve gotten your sweet, loyal creation pregnant, Clow Reed, and you ask me why?”

“Um...Jonathan? Listen, I can explain all this-!” Yue tried to interject, but Clow’s father held up a hand to quiet the younger man, and crossed the space between him and his wife and third son. Yue was relieved, thinking that he was going to put a stop to whatever lunacy had taken over the sorceress. He placed his hands on his wifes shoulder, grabbed her beating hand, and gently eased her away.

“Ming, why don’t you go sit with the boys; Yue looks distressed and Kero isn’t sure whether to defend Clow or join in.” Yue could hear Kerberos chuckling behind him, indicating their grandfather was right. 

Ming glared heavily at CLow, but seemed to think that he had suffered enough. She dropped the spoon with a clatter, gathered herself to full prideful height, and strode over to the sitting area with the guardians. Yue paid her no mind though, and instead watched Jonathan offer a hand down to Clow, who took it gratefully and stood up. He rubbed the back of his head tenderly.

“Mother still keeps that thing around?!” he gasped, massaging the ache from his shoulders.

His father, however, didn’t answer him, and instead countered with his own question.

“So, you /didn’t/ write to us after another binge drinking night with Ashura? You not only decided to mess with your creations body, but changed it enough to get him pregnant?”

Clow shrugged his shoulders, gesturing around as though trying to find the words.

“Well yes, Yue and I are expecting a baby in March and we-!”

 

The sound of Jonathans palm striking against Clow’s face silenced the room completely for only a moment, before both Guardians proceed to loose it completely.

“Gramps come on lay off the old man!”

“Jonathan, don’t, you don’t understand!” Yue yelled after him, having taken a moment longer to follow in his brothers wake. Clow stood before his father, holding his reddened cheek and jaw, but not fighting back.

“I...absolutely deserve that, from your point of view,” he conceded, raising his other hand to his guardians to still them, before they could raise further hell against his father. “But I believe, if you’d let me- and Yue- speak for ourselves, you’ll see this is a misunderstanding.”

)o(

20 minutes later, a rather shaken Yue had tea set out before their guests, as well as a cold cloth for his husband's face.

“Keep that there, and it might not bruise,” he murmured kindly, finally taking a seat next to him.

“Again, Clow, I am so, so sorry!” a now much calmer Jonathan apologized for the sixth time. “It’s just that...well, you know how we feel about...how other people treat human creations-”

“Not that you’re anything like that, Yue!” Ming amended.

“Right, right, we know you’ve your own mind, child, you’re not a bed warmer,” he sighed, referring to the pretty, mindless dolls other magicians were known to create, to serve menil tasks around the house and more specific ones in the bedroom. “It’s just that...well, this is a bit...odd...even for our son and-”

“And we were worried maybe you...that Clow had gotten ahead of himself or-”

“You thought Clow forced me into this,” Yue supplied, more than a little bit testy at the moment. His in-laws both began to fidget at both the implication that their son was an immoral madman, and that Yue was somehow a victim in this. That did not sit well with the guardian, recent issues be DAMNED. 

An awkward silence grew between the 5, broken only by the clinking of teacups and saucers.

“So um...been a while since I wrote you...you didn’t travel by road did you?”

“Good God no!” his father exclaimed from across the table, his bones aching at the very thought. “Boy, we’re far too old to be tracking across Europe and most of Asia just to visit!”

“But Jonathan,” his mother replied in a clipped tone. “We are not just here for a visit, remember?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes dramatically in his wife’s general direction.

“Yes, dear,” he sighed long-suffering, as though still asking himself, after 388 years, what had possessed him to marry Ming Li. Surely deep and undying love couldn’t have been enough to override his sanity! “I know why we’re here. It’s the reason we’re here a month LATE!”

“Well, it took a while to get over the shock!” she defended with indignation. “Don’t you dare tell me that you swallowed the story as easily as a pickled plum!”

“Considering I hate pickled plums?” he ventured, orneriness sparkling in his blue eyes. At his wife’s glare, he chuckled, adding, “My dearest Ming; what has our boy done in the last 100 years that WASN’T a shock to the system? I can’t count on both hands the times I considered having him sent to a sanitarium for some of the lunacy he’s concocted.”

“Father!” Clow groaned, finally managing to pull from his mother’s grasp. “You make me sound as though I’m completely off my rocker!”

“Truth hurts, old man,” Kero snickered indulgently.

“Ah, and if Clow is old, what does that make me?” Jonathan wanted to know.

Kerberos smiled his biggest “I’m sucking up and I know it” smile, and replied, “Finely aged, like Italian wine. The both of you!”

Ming blushed, roses blooming across her cheeks as she giggled girlishly, seemingly glad that the chill in the room was beggining to melt. “Oh, if only Jonathan could be so charming! Speaking of whom…” and she instantly reverted back to their argument. “This isn’t the same old news we’re use to hearing from Clow, Jonathan! This is…well, I’m not sure how to describe it…”

“You just beat my husband over this news, I think “unbelievable” is a start-“ But as usually, no one was allowed a word in edgewise. 

“You would think you’d have gotten use to his moral irresponsibility!” he groused.

Ming placed her hands on her round hips stubbornly. “Don’t you give me that nonchalance crap!” she accused, her accent growing thicker and thicker. “You downed a whole bottle of scotch after you read his letter!”

“I canNOT believe you wrote them about this, Clow!”

 

“It was HALF a bottle and don’t you forget who finished it for me!” the Englishman countered back.“

“Yue, they’re my parents, you’re carrying their grandchild!”

“Yes, but who chased it with a shot of brandy?”

“I still have a right to privacy when it involves things currently growing inside me!”

“It was tea, Ming! You finished off the brandy practically before I got the letter out of the envelope!”

All the while, Kero stood between the two, watching them toss retorts, accusations and wisecracks back and forth like a birdie in badminton. Their fighting didn’t stress him; it was their way of saying they still cared. ‘The day we stop shouting each other is the day one of us decides we just don’t give a damn anymore,’ had been Jonathans words. And half the time their family wasn’t even sure what the were arguing about. They could be speaking of the weather one moment, and then suddenly both would be unearthing an argument from 1512 that just never seemed to be resolved. 

Yue and Clow, on the other hand, hardly ever had shouting matches like this…well, Ok, Yue was the only one doing the shouting, so maybe that explained it. 

“Ok, maybe I had my fair share of alcohol,” she conceded, then proclaimed her boredom of the fight by turning her back to her husband while he was mid sentence, ignoring the outraged gestures she knew were being thrown at her back. Instead, she turned to yue once more, who gulped as she took his hands in her own, squeezing tight.

“We were a little…surprised,” she admitted carefully. “And we got a little…drunk…but don’t you think we aren’t very happy for you!” 

Yue wasn’t sure if he was actually expected to swallow that, coming so closely on the heels of them assuming he was forced into this against his will. So he just stared, blinking slowly, both baffled and overwhelmed.

“Oh, you must be tired!!” Ming proclaimed suddenly, her bipolar personality making itself known as she confused Yue’s puzzlement with sleepiness.

“No, actually, I’m just ann-”

 

“Now, don’t try to argue with me,” she warned, though her voice was warm. “I carried five children; I’m not exactly a novice, which is why Clow asked me to come stay here until after the baby’s born; to help take care of you.”

Yue nearly choked on his own tea, turning angrily towards Clow, who was looking more uncomfortable by the minute.

“Take care of me?” he repeated, gripping the armrests to pull himself up. “I’m fairly sure I’m cpable of-ack!”

And again, down for the count. Ming may have been short, but weak she was not, putting nearly all her weight on Yue’s shoulders to push him back down into his chair.

“Didn’t I tell you to sit?” she barked, then switched personalities again to smile sweetly. “You just relax here for a while; I’m sure my boy will be happy to bring you something to eat.”

“But I just made tea-“

“And we’ll need to start getting things together; you’re over 5 months, he’s going to need something to wear, and you certainly won’t have any time after it’s born!”

“Well, perhaps, but-“

“Have you been eating plenty of rosemary?”

“No, but I wasn’t aware that I shou-“

“What about a place for the baby to sleep?”

“Um…we haven’t really…”

“And it won’t be long before your own clothes won’t fit anymore.”

That one shut him up, considering he was already wearing newly-bought clothes. Kero and Jonathan Reed finally lost their sense of respect for such a delicate subject and burst into fits of laughter, none of which died down at Yue’s cold, mutinous glares. His piercing eyes didn’t become any less frightening just because he was turning red in humiliation.

)o(

It didn’t take Yue long to realize that life with Clow’s parents (specifically, his mother) around was going to be quite the experience, to put it politely. First he had to get over his agitation at Clow for not even informing them that they would be entertaining long-term company. Of course, with his moods shifting faster than a leaf in the wind, it didn’t take much coaxing; a couple kisses, a little nuzzling, and he decided Clow was forgiven.

Of course, that wasn’t even where his qualms were beginning. Ming Reed was a kind woman whom he loved very much, but she was getting on his every nerve and she’d only been here a week! Oh, he knew she was only trying to help, and she had his best interests at heart, but it didn’t make the flow go any easier. 

It started almost right away, lunch the afternoon they had arrived. Clow had spent the better part of an hour in the kitchen, pulling off a meal for five in half the time he expected. Ming wouldn’t allow Yuw from his seat until the food was on the table, keeping up a non-stop chatter with the young man as she rummaged through her many suitcases, pulling out an assortment of small gifts and trinkets. English toffee for Kerberos, a handsome pocket watch for Clow and for Yue, of all things, a necklace.

“Oh...you didn’t need to bring me anything, Ming. I mean, Clow spoils me enough to-”

“Oh, this isn’t a piece worn for adornment,” she informed him in her own tongue, grateful to finally be able to converse in it with someone who didn’t speak it with an accent. “It’s a charm for good health, for you and the baby. Go on, put it on,” she instructed impatiently. “And don’t you even think of taking it off.”

“But does it actually work?” Yue asked skeptically, but dutifully clasped the chain around his neck, bringing the coin-like disk up to inspect the vine pattern etched along its edge. “Or is it simply a wive’s tale?”

“Clow is alive and well, is he not?” she quipped with a smile.

Yue pretended to think deeply about this a minute. “Well, physically, I suppose. Mentally…”

She chuckled mildly at his weak jab; even she had to question her son’s sanity.”Yes, I suppose Clow can be a bit- hey, where do you think you’re going?”

Damn. 

Yue paused, two steps away from the armchair he’d been confined to. He’d been banking on his grandmother going into a long-winded bit of nostalgia, allotting him crucial time to sneak away into the kitchens. But she had eyes like a hawk.

“I just…wanted to get a drink of water,” he lied smoothly, innocence masking his face.

But his attempts were met only with reproach and narrowed eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to stay put?” she demanded coolly, giving Yue a perfect expression of a kicked puppy.

“Grandmother…I think I’m capable of making my way to the kitchen for a cup of water,” he defended, with a sinking feeling that it wouldn’t work.

He was right. She shook her head at him, pointing back to the mahogany chair. “If you would like something to drink, you ask me. I get it for you.”

He sighed, and only deep respect for the woman kept the swears from his voice. “Are you trying to tell me that I’m going to be confined to this seat for the next 4 months?”

“No, you silly thing; I’ll let you sleep in your own bed.” But she smiled as she said it, her ink-black eyes twinkling with the humor he saw so often in Clow’s.

“I have no plans to keep you here for long,” she assured him. “It hardly looks like the most comfortable chair to begin with, ne? No, I’m only trying to look out for you.” She resumed her place in the matching chair on Yue’s left. “Tell me, child; how have you been feeling?”

The conversation was awkward, Yue having been dragged in as a participant without any forewarning. “I’m well, I suppose,” he answered stiffly, wanting more and more to escape to find Clow. Course, then again, having his mother here to help was his idea in the first place…Instead, he simply arranged his features into a cool, unaffected mask, fixing his posture to a prim, unbothered stance. 

Ming’s eyebrow arched knowingly. “You suppose?” she repeated, and Yue nodded. “That hardly seems like an assured answer. Are you tired?”

Yue started to shrug, but thought better of giving another vague response. “A little,” he admitted, though even then his eyes were growing heavy.

She nodded. “And have you been ill?”

“…A little…” ah, such an easy response to give. 

“And has Clow treated you well?”

“Better than you treated him,” he bit with unnecessary tooth. He felt a little guilty for the snippy tone he was acquiring, and was about to apologize profusely, but Ming just reached forward and patted the back on his hand kindly.

“And we have already answered question 4 then,” she said bemusedly. When he still couldn’t bring himself to even look her in the eye, she noted the rouge at his cheeks, tilted her head and said, “You had better get over that bashfulness around me, boy. I’m the one who’ll be delivering that baby.”

All Yue could do was close his eyes, lean his head back, and pray for his Goddess to wake him out of this nightmare at any time.

“Oh. Didn’t Clow mention that?”

“He didn’t even mention he wrote to you!”

“Oh.” She piped dismissively. “I suppose that’s Clow for you. Anyway, as I was saying, you’d better just get use to talking to me real quick. You were never this shy around me before.”

“We were never discussing my magically-induced pregnancy and delivery before,” he countered through grit teeth. All the same, his shoulders relaxed, though Ming couldn’t be sure if it was a result of her words of instruction or simply his obvious fatigue. 

“You truly don’t know what to do, do you?” she asked, now speaking with an air of compassion, rather than the no-nonsense tongue of a fisherman’s daughter. 

Yue, prideful as he was, took immediate offense. “I do beg your pardon, but I didn’t jump into this like a blind fool, and I wish those around me would stop assuming so.”

She shook her head, several wisps of black hair coming loose from her hastily drawn knot, wound loosly as the base of her neck. He noted absently that it was only just beginning to be peppered with gray. 

That high-and-mighty tone was enough to test even Clow’s love for the man at times, but his mother had raised five children, and obviously had the patience of a Catholic saint, for her face remained collected. “That isn’t what I meant,” she corrected. “You can read all you want about what happens to a woman’s body when she is carrying a new baby, but bah! Those books are written by men, and what do men know about babies?”

He sighed heavily, sinking another inch in his seat. “I suspect that is exactly my problem.” he admitted.

“And I suspect that is exactly why Clow wanted me to be here. You are a brilliant mind, Yue; I’ve seen only a handful of scholars give my Jonathan a good fight over debates and book matters, and you’re one of them. But what you’re going to have to learn isn’t going to be found on any moldy parchment pages. You’re in rather an awkward position-“

“Tell me about it.”

“-Because usually a girl has her mother and mother in law around from the start to help her, but you…”

“I’m not a “her” and I do not have a mother.” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, his sharp canines threatening to draw blood. Finally, he looked up at Ming, still half-hiding behind his bangs. He could easily brush them aside, but they were serving a purpose, so…

“I…I do not regret this choice. Not even for a second,” he began, thinking that the old woman had better feel pretty damned privileged; he didn’t spill for just anyone, God damn it! “And I thought I had known enough to realize what I was getting myself into. But, now that I’m actually…expecting…I think I spent too long thinking about the romantic notion of it, and little about the practicality.” this was as close as Yue would get to admitting his turmoil to anyone other than his twin, and HE was only privy to that information since he’d caught Yue in the middle of an absolutely breakdown. In the weeks since that night, Yue had did what Yue always did; stuff uncomfortable feelings deep, deep down.

“You got an attention span under all that pretty hair of yours?” she groused suddenly, in a voice Yue knew Clow had heard more than he would have liked growing up. “Why do you think I’m here? To make sure you don’t go doing something stu-no, uninformed, and end up hurting one or the both of you.”

Yue felt a faint smile curling at his lips. “And I’m such a hopeless cause that the best option is to keep me wrapped in cotton-wool in a chair in the foyer?” he jested, raising one silver eyebrow.

Ming’s eyes crinkled as she smiled, and she leaned farther forward, bringing her worn hand up to lay against Yue’s cheek. . 

“No, my dear, only long enough for you to get your bearings”

“Ming, let the poor kid up to eat, will you?” Jonathan hollered from the kitchen. 

Lunch. That was when things had gotten interesting. For a moment, he’d wondered if she would actually let him up to eat, but she did, offering her hand to assist him. He took it though he didn’t need it.

The small dining area off the kitchen was warm from the fire, the smells of fresh food whetting even Yue’s questionable appetite.

“He got his cooking prowess from you, Ming!” Jonathan laughed with a robust boom, patting his son hard on the back as he pulled a chair out for Yue. Apparently Jonathan’s strength had not waned with age, as it was hard enough to knock his glasses akimbo once more.

His fingertips straightening out his spectacles, he chuckled appreciatively, replying, “I must have, since you never were able to cook worth a damn! Mother always said you only married her to save yourself from starvation!”

Speaking of starvation, Yue was famished, and the warm plates set around the table looked perfect. He helped himself (Hell, Kero was already halfway through his first plate) and had an appealing bite halfway to his mouth when he felt a strong hand on his wrist, jarring, and causing grains of rice to fall from his chopsticks into his lap.

Attached to that hand was, of course, Ming.

“May I help you?” Yue asked after a moment during which she didn’t let go.

“You shouldn’t be eating that, Yue!” she explained, and before Yue could protest, she confiscated his bowl, picking it up with her free hand.

“And may I ask why not?”

“Because you shouldn’t eat hot foods while you’re pregnant!” she explained, as though it was the most obvious part of his condition. “You need to keep your body in balance. This is a ‘hot’ time, and you need to balance it with cool foods!”

He sat there, blinking up at her, before turning, pissed, to Clow, seated next to his father.

“Clow? That doesn’t count for me, right? I mean, I’m more of a man than I am a woman, so I’m already completely out of balance for this, right?

But like Hell Clow Reed as going to get into a skirmish between the two most stubborn people in his life. He kept his mouth shut as Ming handed Yue a different bowl. He huffed when he saw it filled with cold rice, fish and a bit of lemon. 

“God, Ming! How do you expect the kid to grow right when you feed him stuff like that?’ he groused. “Back in England we give our woman good, hearty meals to eat.”

“I’m actually not eith-!!” Yue ground to anyone listening, lucky to get a word in edgewise. Unfortunately, no one was listening. 

“But this isn’t England, it’s China!” she countered. “And Yue is Chinese! It’s his culture and he should follow it!”

“He’s Clow’s, and don’t you forget Clow’s got Western blood in ‘im too!”

“But Yue’s not ful-“

Suddenly two loud whistles pierced through the air; both Kero and Yue were tired of hearing the arguing, not used to it like their master was; Kero still had half his paw in his mouth.

“God, that’s better!” Kero sighed with relief. Yue smirked; one knew the noise level was reaching new heights when his brother complained. “Now, would the two of you just shut your yaps for 2 minutes and let Yue speak for himself?”

Then all eyes were one the guardian, who was feeling rather uncomfortable being showered with such attention as of late. 

“I…erm…you know, forget it. at this point, I don’t give much mind to what I eat, as long as I can, because I’m famished.” And with that, he accepted the bowl Ming offered, though in truth, he WOULD have rather had the hot rice and chicken. 

“Father, I’m inclined to agree with you and Yue both; I think richer foods would be better for him, but as long as he eats…” he let his voice trail off, then caught his mother’s outraged glare from the corner of his eyes. “However, I did ask the two of you here, especially mother, to help us take care of this situation, and I’m afraid she's right; we’re mere men and this sure isn’t our area of expertise. I’m sure Yue is in capable hands.”

“Yue is still in the room and has no objections to being addressed in the first person,” Yue muttered, nibbling on the fish. Clow smiled apologetically at this, offering a small kiss on the cheek by means of compensation. 

“So are you saying that I can only have cold foods for the next 4 months?” he sighed, giving his meal a sharp poke as though expecting the tilapia to still be swimming. 

His in-law of sorts shook her head, taking a place next to him with her own meal at hand. “You may have warm foods, but not anything hot. Nothing very spicy either. No pineapple, no shellfish…and you shouldn’t-“

Yue knew he should be listening to what she was telling him. These were things he needed to know, even if he suspected a number of her suggestions were based on Old Wive’s Tale. Even if he was the son of a Scholar, he was still a magical construct with an affinity for spiritualism and despite his education, he couldn’t help but feel deep down that they were true to an extent. In any case, it was safer to not risk it…

So he had cold fish for lunch, and a sweet, chilled soup for his supper. Although both were dishes he would have eaten at any other time, they were somehow unsatisfying, and he still felt hungry. Hunger was such an unusual feeling for him; he never felt hungry before, as he had no neeed to eat. But it seemed that, no longer suffering from morning sickness, he was starting to want to eat, to quell the shaking in his stomach. He could guess why.

That evening, however, he was in for a surprise. He had chosen to stay in Clow’s room that night, despite the horribly mortifying warnings from his grandmother that he shouldn’t under any circumstances have sex for at least 2 more weeks (even Clow colored red at the lecture, and his father turned as fiery as his hair.)

His lover was with his parents, readying the guest room, and Yue doubted whether or not he would be able to stay awake long enough to see him return. He wanted to stay up and wait for him, but he hadn’t gotten the nap he’d become accustomed to taking, and he felt completely drained. In a soft and patched pair of pajamas, he found the caverns between Clow’s sheets to be enticingly warm and his pillow inviting. Surely he wouldn’t be so deeply asleep that he wouldn’t hear Clow come in…

Thumpthumpthump!

“Damn it.” He muttered to himself, his head having reached his pillow only a moment before the tapping on the closed double doors. There was only one person that could be…

“Go ‘way,” he called, loud enough to be heard through both the doors and the covers he had drawn over his head. He was too damned tired to chat.

“Ah, c’mon ‘oo-eh!” came Kero’s equally muffled voice. It sounded as though he had something in his mouth.

“M’tired,” yue called back. For good measure, he added warningly, “and cranky.”

“Yesh, and I’m furry!” his older brother returned, ever the smartass, and continued his thumping of the bedroom door.

Finally, it grated on Yue’s nerves too much to ignore, growling deep in frustration, he tossed the coverlet back irritably, ending up half-slumped to the floor. He grasped the door handle and wrenched it open with more force than he should have, startling Kero and causing an object to roll out of the basket he kept clutched firmly in his jaws. He recovered quickly, though, and smiled around the wicker.

“I’ve got p’rk bunsh!” he announced, offering the basket up to his brother.

Yue immediately regretted his temper and returned Kero’s grin, kneeling down to his level to relieve him of his burden. 

“What are these for?” he asked curiously, wanting very badly to take one from the basket and bite in. 

“For eating, you moron!” Kero rolled his eyes dramatically. But then his joking nature tamed slightly, and he added, “Gram’s has to have a couple screws loose, feeding you rabbit food! I just thought you could use something good to eat!”

Yue’s mood took another swing, this time to feeling extremely touched. “You brought them all the way up here for me?”

Kerberos pawed awkwardly at the floorboards, clawing at the seams. “Yeah, well…don’t get use to it!” he groused defensively. “I just don’t want anything happening to my little brother or sister.”

“You mean niece or nephew?” Yue taunted, knowing how much it infuriated Kero. 

“Oh, whatever!” He shot, letting himself into his Master’s bedroom. “Just be grateful! It wasn’t easy sneaking that whole thing past her! Eyes like a hawk, she’s got!”

Yue kept smiling, scratching his brother appreciatively under the chin before offering him a bun from the top. “I can’t eat them all,” he supplied, pulling the two’s usual act of ‘I don’t REALLY care, it’s just convenient.’ Both knew it was a cover.

Yue hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he bit into the still-warm roll leftover from dinner. Never having experienced true hunger before, he was always eager for it to abate. There was a twinge of guilt as he swallowed, but it was fleeting; his beliefs on superstition, balance and magic was as mixed as his heritage. One said eat only this, the other said, eat only that, so fuck it all, he’d eat whatever he wanted (if no one was looking).

He finished one at an almost Kero-like pace, not really caring much about his usual air of dignity. Afterall, he could always just say he was only doing it for the baby. For the same reason, he started a second one, savoring it this time. 

The two sat in comfortable silence, close enough for Yue to feel the warmth from Kero’s fur through his nightshirt. Ever since his...moment...back in November, they had grown accustom to this, just enjoying one anothers space.

“So how the hell do you think you’re gonna survive?” Kero finally chirped, amusement coloring his voice. 

Yue grimaced as he realized exactly what his brother was referring to. “She’s only trying to help,” he defended half-heartedly, nibbleing idly on his roll. “Afterall, she had five children, and managed to survive raising Clow…”

“Bah. I think she’s about as batty as the old man!” he argued casually, popping another in his mouth whole, hardly taking the time to chew. ‘He’ll taste it tomorrow,’ Yue thought darkly. 

Yue shrugged, finishing his snack and brushing the crumbs from his lap, making a mental note to sweep them up in the morning, if Ming would let him, that was. 

“To be truthful, I’m not terribly thrilled about the prospect of being shadowed by my in-laws. I think they’ll still getting use to Clow and I being lovers, let alone becoming parents together.”

“Hell, I’M still getting use to that idea!” Kero chirped, laying on the melodrama. Suddenly, he started to snicker. 

“She did have a point, though,” he said airily, wanting Yue to take the bait. When he only glared evilly at him, he giggled again. “You really are gettin’ a little pudgy, eh? Especially considering the way you inhaled those buns”

Yue just stared at him level and even. “Kerberos, I know you fancy me as painfully vein but I literally couldn’t be less bothered by how I look in that regard. I’m healthy, I’m well fed, and he or she will be chubby and happy from it. Find different ammunition if you want to torment me.”

Kero huffed, settling for just mocking Yue’s face.

. “I think I liked your behavior better when you thought I was dying,” he declared firmly, almost at a pout. “Speaking of which, I’m still at a loss of how you could have come to such a conclusion-“

“Hey, hey!” he warned, throwing his paws up. “I already got the ‘evesdropping is wrong’ lecture from Clow! Sheesh!” 

Finally he managed to scrape up a smile, and he, naturally, showed his deep, brotherly affection by shoving Kero as far over as he could budge his weight.

“careful, you’ll jostle your little pork bun”

“It’s called a baby, you tactless oaf!” he tried to sound offended, but failed. “and I’m sure he would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to him as a bun!”

“How do you know it’s a boy?” Kero chose the least important part of his retort to continue upon.

He shrugged. “I don’t. I have no idea what it is.”

“What do you want it to be?” he pressed, not that he cared. Cause he didn’t.

Yue paused, giving it a moment's thought. “I don’t think I care, one way or another. I should think Clow would prefer I give him a son, someone to carry his family name-“

“I’ve four brothers, Yue. There are plenty of little Reed’s out there already.”

“Clow,” Yue beamed, barely keeping his composure and grace, pulling himself slowly to his feet to find his way into Clow’s arms.

Clow held him welcomingly, enjoying the fond acceptance he received after the beratement he’d just received from his mother. He laid a delicate kiss atop Yue’s plaited hair, enjoying the scent of the soap he’d washed his hair with that evening. His angel cuddled further against his chest, his breath tickling against his throat pleasantly. He’d become so much more openly affectionate over the past several weeks.Sure, he was never shy about stealing a kiss, or lounging over Clow’s lap while he was working, but he’d always been too high-standing to cling to his creator in such a way, even if Kero was the only one around to witness his lapse in pride. Clow chalked it up to just desiring a little extra affection, which he was only too happy to provide. Yue asked for so little, anyway. 

Ignoring the loud and robust sounds of discontent echoing from across the room, he hooked his finger beneath Yue’s tapered chin, bringing his face upwards for a more direct kiss.

“Oh God, and you’re blocking the only exit!” he mourned, making a show of hiding his eyes, as though witnessing something far more provocative than a kiss between lovers.

“Be cautious how you display your envy, Kerberos,” Yue warned solemnly, “Or I shall kiss you next.”

It was the look of horror and gaping jaw the quieted his tantrum.

Clow listened to Yue’s laughter, so light and clear, felt it in his chest as he looked over his shoulder to enjoy his brother’s reaction. 

“Don’t feel too special, Kero,” Clow cautioned him merrily. “He kissed my mother good evening as well, to her insistence, and I can assure you he’s reluctant to even lay a kiss on another’s cheek”

He shuddered, fur prickling on end. “Can we talk about something less disgusting? Please?”

“Like what?” Yue offered, finally unwinding his long arms from around Clow’s neck, and the magician couldn’t say he didn’t miss the warmth as he lounged comfortably on the end of the bed. “Choose wisely, because the topics of conversation currently occupying my interest are one’s I’m sure you would rather not discuss.” And naturally Clow just had to choose that moment to take a seat behind Yue, allowing one arm to sneak around to his hip, tickling along the bone.

“Oh, for the love of God, can’t you two keep your pan-“

“Can’t you keep your mind from the gutter, my boy?” Clow intercepted, patting the coverlet beside him in invitation. Kero didn’t have to be asked twice, and he sprung upon the mattress, lying and stretching across Clow’s lap, allowing his little brother the honor of draping his paws over his knees. 

“Nope, sorry Clow! But growing up with you, it’s been floating down the sewers for sixty-odd years now!” he quipped cheerily, yawning dramatically. Kerberos did everything with flair. 

Clow ‘hmm’d’ pleasantly, using his free hand to scratch his first-born behind the ears, softly scrubbing the down-like fluff at the bases. “It’s about time you had a bath, Kero-Chan,” he chirped bemusedly. “I sometimes feel as though I should be looking for fleas!” 

“Hey, watch it!” the lion snapped, showing his impressive fangs. “I do not have fleas!”

“You wouldn’t really bite the hand that feeds you,” Clow said in reply to Kero’s macho display, completely nonplussed, “for that would leave you at the mercy of Yue’s cuisine.”

“God, I’d starve.”

“You wouldn’t starve, but you would certainly lose some of that pudge.”

“O-ho! Now he’s calling the kettle black?”

“I already told you, it’s not-“

“Enough you two,” Clow insisted, the finality evident in his rarely-stern tone. “Honestly, must you be in a constant state of conflict?”

“He starts it!” came a synchronized chorus, followed by a matching ring of “I do not, YOU do!”

Clow sighed, half from contentment, half from a headache. “What am I going to do with you boys?” he asked rhetorically, looking between the two with a look of complete forfeit on his face.

“Love us,” Kero purred delightedly, giving Clow the most charming look he could muster. “That shouldn’t be too hard; I’m adorable! And he’s…well, I’m sure he has some positive attributes…”

And Yue, 60 years old, well read and expecting a baby, pulled the most mature trick he could think of- stuck out his tongue.

“Oh, real grown-up, Bon!” he scoffed derogatorily. 

“And you’re one to talk!”

“At least I’m not getting cranky and sleeping all the time!”

“What can I say? I’ve always wanted to be just like my big brother.”

Clow was torn; split between the instinct of self-preservation to get out from between the quarrelling brothers as quickly as possible, and his responsibility to stop the fighting before more fur went flying (literally, if History were to repeat itself.) 

“The next one to make a peep gets to help my mother wind knitting yarn tomorrow afternoon!” he threatened with complete seriousness.

And he could have heard a pin drop. 

“That’s better,” he murmured, the silence of the room finally sinking into the corners and crannies. “Can’t the two of you ever say anything nice about each other?” he wanted to know. 

“No.”

“What’s there to say?”

“Gods, I swear!” he declared. “I never fought so much with my brothers!”

“Wasn’t that because you were the middle child and usually had to play peace-keeper between Song and Anthony?”

He hung his head, groaning as though the memories caused him a physical agony. “I’m surprised they both survived adolescence with no major scarring,” he admitted darkly, remembering the countless beatings his elder and younger brother gave to each other. There wasn’t a week when their father hadn’t taken one across his knee, adding to the myriad of bruises, bumps and welts they’d already acquired. Jonathan swore for sure they’d kill each other. Ironically enough, it was the two would-be-warriors and their missionary who had cheated the world of mortal wounds and illnesses. The eldest, Jacob, and youngest, Cheng, were both deceased. But that was in his past, several decades, and he had a humorous present and…interesting future to occupy his always-wandering mind.

“So do tell, Kero-Chan; to what do we owe the pleasure of your company? I thought you vowed to never set foot within my bedroom again?”

“After catching you practically molesting my little brother?” he defended incredulously, smirking as Yue let out a high pitched yelp and turned the color of an over ripe peach. “I never wanted to even get anywhere near the east wing! It’s a dreadful hardship, but what can I say; SOMEone has to protect my baby brother’s virtue, eh Yue?”

Scowling was his only response, along with Clow’s chuckleing.

“It’s a little late to be trying to uphold your brother’s honor, isn’t it?” he queried ironically. “I mean, he’s no blushing virgin.”

“Master!” Yue cried, quite abashed by the turn in conversation, and Clow was proven half wrong as his new coloring spread across his throat. And Clow, bastard that he was, apologized with nothing more than more laughter and a swift kiss. Yue glared icily, already miffed. 

“Oh c’mon, Yue!” his brother crooned, grating on Yue like nails against a blackboard. “You need to lighten up, eh? God, with your sour attitude, that kids gonna be born all pucker faced. Like a fish!” and to accentuate his point all the farther, he started making puffer-fish faces, pursing his lips and crossing his eyes, a mockery Yue didn’t appreciate one bit.

Clow could see his hand clenching at his lap, as though itching to hurl something at the lion; preferably something sharp, cold and semi-lethal…

With a nervous chuckle, Clow reached out to grasp his hands firmly within his own. “Now, Yue; don’t loose your temper,” he warned sternly, giving the small hands a firm squeeze, making sure Yue was calm before reluctantly releasing them. “I’m sure Kero didn’t mean anything by it. He’s only teasing.”

‘Oh I’ll bet,” Yue thought grumpily. He loved his brother, truly, but right now he wanted time with just Clow…and he knew a way to get it…

His face instantly flickered from grumpy to mischievous, and he turned slowly to look over his shoulder at Clow, before the rest of him supply followed. He wrapped one arm around Clow’s neck, drawing him closer for a kiss. He could feel Clow smiling as he brushed their lips together, feel him sigh contentedly at the unexpected surprise-

“Ok, damn it! I’m leavin, I’m leavin!”

)o(


	12. The Stuborn Reappearance of August

Though winter was at its peak by Christmas, the air was heavy with humidity, and heat waves that seemed to blow directly from the furnace of the underworld. 

“We just Had to live in the SOUTH of China, didn’t we?” Kero whined one afternoon, laying sprawled beneath the shade of an oak tree, begging for so much as a breeze to cool his fur. “We couldn’t live up north, where the winters are cold! NOO! We had to live damn near the coast!”

“Onii-Chan, quit complaining!” Yue sighed, a silk fan in one hand, waving madly but gusting naught but more warm wind. “It’s hot enough already without you running your mouth!” His other hand was continuously brushing back his bangs, damp with perspiration and sticking in every which direction. It was December, when the weather should have been mildly warm, but a freak heatwave has the temperature nearing 90, if not past it.

He did have to pity Kero a bit; he’d already fluffed up for the winter, and he still had a large amount of fur, trapping the heat. Though Yue’s own hair was a bit impractical, at least he could change his outer appearance into a yukata or a lighter shirt.

The problem with this was that hardly any of his clothes from summer still fit over his awkward frame. Shirts that once draped loosely across him now stretched across his stomach, and not a single pair of trousers could button. So, of course, he did the most practical thing he could think of; raided Clow’s closet for cool, lightweight silks and linen. 

This too had it’s problems; Clow was a much taller man than Yue, a good half foot so, and thus his Master’s wardrobe required some creative figuring. Cuffs were hemmed up with bastings stitches, sleeves pinned back with cuff links. Even with the clever altercations, the clothing swamped him everywhere but his expanding middle, a fact that Clow just found too adorable.

“Quit fidgeting with it,” he’d scold playfully as Yue continued to arrange and rearrange what he saw as an awkward laying of fabric. “You should wear my clothes more often; you look so sweet.”

“Like a five year old playing dress-up,” he groused, but finally left the buttons alone.

As was his current situations in the garden, with gray linen slacks with the bottoms turned up four inches and a summer shirt with the shoulder seams halfway down to his elbows. 

And melting.

“It’s so damned hot!” Kero pointed out the obvious, and Yue only fanned himself fast in agreeance, occasionally playing the awesome brother by sending some circulating air Keros way. 

“I don’t know how Clow can stand gardening in such dreadful heat,” Yue remarked, watching through drowsy eyes as Clow puttered from the azaleas (ah, the memories) to the shrubs and begonias. Yue had offered to help, of course, but Clow refused, arguing that the wheelbarrow was far too heavy to maneuver, and Yue was a terrible gardener anyway.

“Eh, Clow’s a crackpot,” Kero dismissed, rolling over in attempt to cool his back against a fresh patch of grass, sending a swarm of baby grasshoppers hopping. “he’d garden in the snow, if he could.”

Yue nodded, finally snapping his fan shut with a fast flick, surrendering to the futility of his pastime. He sagged back against the tree behind him, falling into his new habit of resting his hands across his belly. His clothes may not fit, his back hurt and he was internally freaking out at least 4 times a day over what the hell he was suppose to do in 3 months, but he was somehow able to quell his anxiety for a few moments whenever he took the time to rub a hand over his stomach. Feeling movement, feelings...things...kicking around freaked him out to no end when he first felt it, but now it was a good distraction, like a small reminder of why he did this in the first place. Ming said it was good, that she was so active. Said she’d be a strong baby.

Speaking of which…

“Where are our grandparents?” he queried, sleepily, for once tired from the heat rather than his own condition. 

“Hmmm…town, I think,” he huffed, tickling a fly away from his nose. “Market, I think.”

“Hmm…” was Yue only reply, thinking maybe he’d make like Kero and take a nap, anything to escape the stifling midday heat.

“Well aren’t we a lazy bunch over here?” 

Kero pried open one eye reluctantly. “Oh, Clow. It’s just you.”

His face fell melodramatically. “Well, my dearest apologies. I’ll try to be the empress next time, if that suits your fancy.” he sighed, falling down in the shade between them, wiping the back of his hand across his brow and only succeeding in smearing soil across his face.

“Heh. THAT’S real attractive, Clow!” Keor guffawed, glad for the distraction. Yue, on the other hand, just wordlessly passed a handkerchief over to Clow, silently indicating the smudges on his face.

“Right, thanks,” he muttered, wiping the soot and sweat from his neck. “Jesus, this has got to be the hottest winter I can remember!” he gasped, sitting with one leg propped up, leaning against his knee. When he received no response from either of his sons, he looked both left and right only to see that not only were they not listening, they were both half asleep again!

“I am so underappreciated”, he lamented loud enough for them both to hear. Kero responded with snores, and Yue by rolling over away from the tree to lay across his lap.

“I appreciate you,” he replied with a yawn. “I’d really appreciate a nap, too.”

Clow shook his head, and his lover. “Eh eh eh!” he laughed at Yue’s sour face. “You slept plenty last night; it’s just the heat getting to you.”

“Done got me,” he corrected irritably, proper grammar be damned. “Would you really deny the mother of your unborn child sleep?”

Clow shook his head, his cool blue eyes smiling as broadly as he lips as he stroked through Yue’s hair. Then, out of the blue, Clow asked, “How about going for a swim?”

“Eh?” Yue was still half-out, but sat up halfway. 

“A swim!” Clow repeated even more enthusiastically, apparently taking quite a liking to the idea. “It’s like hell out here, and it’s only a short walk to the pond…”

Yue pretended to think hard about it, resting his chin in his hands. “I don’t know, Master,” he drawled slowly.

“Oh, Yue, C’mon…” Clow coaxed, leaning closer to his beloved, pulling his long hair back over his shoulder, showing where his shirt, too big at the collar, had slipped partway down his shoulder. With a huff of wounded “modesty” Yue tugged it back into place, turning his head and pretending to ignore the light kisses Clow laid against his neck . 

“Please?” he wheedled, whispering right against Yue ear and causing a rather mortifying bit of giggling.

“Knew I was right,” kero mumbled in half-sleep. “A total chick.” 

Yue didn’t even dignify that with an answer. Instead, he merely stuck his tongue out at his back and offered his hand to Clow to help him up. 

“Fine,” he sighed with excess weariness,, as though bored. “If you insist, Master,” and he smiled.

)o(

The water was completely still from lack of even a gentle breeze, the surface rippling only slightly as the odd minnow came up for a taste of air. And it did look extremely tempting.

It was quiet, save for the locusts chirping in harmony in the trees all around them. 

“Ah, now this is much better than melting back in the gardens,” Clow remarked as they neared the water's edge, the slight tang of pond water filling the air, not entirely unpleasant. 

Yue closed his eyes, just savoring the feeling of Clow’s arm around his waist (what was left of it) and the sunshine over his face, seemingly less virulent than a few moments ago. Moments like this, he savored, wishing always for such peace… This, also, was a reminder of why he was doing this, why he decided to forgo nearly a year to sickness, sleeplessness and near panic-level anxiety. Alone with Clow, the winter sky smelling so sweetly like June, it was easy to forget Jian Wu and Mark and Yuko, easy to feel silly about his fit. His tears felt so overblown now, little more than an over-emotional tantrum. 

But soon enough Clow took his arm back, and Yue could feel him moving away slightly. A moment passed, and the angel reluctantly opened his lavender eyes once more, to a most delightful sight; Clow peeling his damp shirt from his shoulders, pulling the light cotton down his arms, and Yue stared unabashedly. Clow was broader than he, muscular, tanned, and damn did Yue consider himself a lucky bastard. Clow…he could so easily have turned him away all those years ago. Seen him only as a son. But he didn’t, a blessing for the boy, who was sure his heart would have broken…But that was decades ago, and in the here and now…well…

“Aren’t you going to join me, Yue?” Clow laughed, now standing in only his underclothes and he had a feeling they wouldn’t be staying much longer. 

And Yue suddenly grew bashful, his fingers lingering unsure over the buttons of his top.

“Actually….I…” he searched for his words, ducking his head down and becoming interested in the shrubbery growing nearby.

Clow tilted his head puzzledly. “Yue, what’s wrong?” he pushed, deftly folding his pants while keeping his attention on Yue. With a chuckle, he added, “It isn’t as though I haven’t seen you naked before!”

Not like this you haven’t…Yue added dully in his head, fingertips still dancing hesitantly around the buttons. He could feel Clow’s eyes on him, studying silently.

“Yue, you’re not feeling ill again, ar- oh.” He softened his voice at the interjection, and a smile played at his lips, half sympathetic, half entertained. 

“Yue,” he simpered, one hand pulling his bound hair over one shoulder and absently tugging on the cord. Had his hair not been caked in a fine layer of earth and sweat, it would have hung finely past his shoulder blades in a soft black shine. Even so, the grime gave him an almost wild look, masculine, someone who toiled hard…

Yue would have found the site highly enticing had he been paying his Master any attention. Instead, Clow had to force him to look at him, startled by the sudden feeling of Clow’s calloused hands on his chest. 

“What are you so bashful for?’ he asked innocently, his fingers unfastening the top button with scarcely more than a flick. He took his time smoothing out the lapels before continuing down the line, slipping open a second and reaching for a third before Yue finally found his voice.

“C-Clow..” he gasped, shivering as the back of Clow’s hand slipped ‘innocently’ against his chest, pale skin pebbling into goosebumps despite the temperature. 

“Oh?” Clow almost cooed, such a look on his face, as though completely unaware of what he was doing. “What’s wrong, Yue? I just thought you were going to take a dip with me?”

“Don’t use that damned honey tone with me,” he threatened, fumbling clumsily with the newly undone button, trying to fit it back through its loop, but Clow’s hands stilled his own, wrapping around them, so much larger than his own.

“Master, I don’t think you-“

“Be quiet, Yue,” Clow shushed, not a severe demand but the authority was clear in his voice, and Yue shivered, not unpleasantly. 

Once satisfied that Yue would still, Clow smiled roughly, laying a too-chaste kiss on his forehead, before moving Yue’s hands away from his shirt.

“You insist upon calling me Master because it pleases you to see me as such,” he said, a forefinger feeling the small bit of skin exposed to him. “And I allow it since it pleases you, but if you must call me that, I may start taking you seriously.”

Yue blinked slowly once, then returned his smile, purring as much as a human form could. He liked where this was going, and slowly his shyness began to dissipate.

“Well, if you don’t start living up to your title, I may grow bored of the endearment,” he simpered, his amethyst eyes beginning to glitter. 

Clow only “hmm’d” amusedly in reply, too occupied with the obstacle of Yue’s clothing and the deviousness of the small ivory buttons. 1, 2, 3…and he lavished every bit of skin he revealed, tickling down his center with a whispering touch, eliciting a beautiful laughter from his lover. He smoothed his broad hands over his chest entirely, the pale moonlight flesh warmed by more than just the summer heat. 

“Dunno what you were so shy about,” he murmured offhand, though he timed his comment to match with the rhythm of his nimble fingers as they resumed their previous task of undressing Yue for a swim, the yellow shirt beginning to reveal the curve of his middle. Yue swallowed thickly, apprehensive; he hadn’t let Clow see him bare in the past several weeks. He had found that with every other aspect of this experience, his feelings were mixed and confusing. He had no shyness or vanity over looking bad, but at the same time he couldn’t help but worry Clow wouldn’t share the same dismissive opinion.

“-I mean, I don’t see anything to hide,” Clow continued with nonchalance, though he spoke pointedly, examining Yue’s torso with both kind, hungry eyes and wandering hands. “You’re as beautiful as I ever remember, which I have to dig some time back in my memory, as you seem to have been hiding yourself from me for far too long.”

“I did not think this form would appeal to you,” Yue explained apologetically, watching Clow’s work-roughened palm follow the convex outline of his stomach. 

“And why would you think that?” he wanted to know, and with a wink he added, “after all, I am, quite proudly, the reason you look like this in the first place! Sometimes old men like myself just like to be reminded that we still have some competency left in us”

“Clow!” Yue exclaimed, embarrassed enough for both of them to make up for Clow’s casual and unabashed remark. 

But the sorcerer only laughed at Yue’s shocked expression, his hand continuing to stroke lovingly down Yue’s front, his other pressed so warmly against the small of his back, bringing the lithe young man closer. 

“It IS rather unfair that you’ve insisted on hiding yourself from me,” he lamented sorrowfully, and Yue could feel his soft breath ruffling his bangs. “What good is a title of Master if I’m not even allowed to view my consort?”

Yue’s grin widened, and he closed the gap between them even furth, resting his own pale, spider-like hands over Clow’s chest, enjoying the aesthetic contrast the tones made. He gave Clow his most sultry pout, purple eyes both wide and heavy-lidded. “Are you really so displeased with me? Would you rather I bow unto my knees and beg forgiveness?”

“I can think of a few other things I’d rather have you do while on your knees,” the magician smirked quietly, so only Yue could hear, even if they were alone in the middle of the woods. “put that mouth of yours to better use than to mock your Master.”

He shivered, a shaky sigh escaping him as their verbal tango quickened.

“And if I refuse to lower to my knees?” he prompted, trailing the back of his hands down Clow’s torso. 

The larger man wound his arm around Yue’s back, closing the almost non-existent space between them, and lowered his mouth directly beside Yue’s ear, his voice becoming lustful and serious as he swore, “Then I’ll show you your place and what happens to prideful young men who disobey their masters.”

Yue closed his eyes, his breath catching. God he craved this. The tone of voice, the threats he was as likely to make as to make good of, the possessive way he held him, spoke to him…

He thought fondly of how naturally they seemed to fit together, how such taboo speech rolled easily from their tongues, Clow suggestive a whole myriad of increasingly scandalous things he wanted to do to Yue. 

“Yue, do you remember the first time I made love to you?” he murmured, and Yue could just FEEl the smile in his voice, and he laughed.

“How could I? I had 2 years of pent-up sexual frustration and you convinced yourself that you had raped me.”

 

)o(

He was 16 now, if one counted his age in purply human time, though the number meant something far different. He had long outgrown the childish impulsiveness of a new construct, and he had never physically grown as a mortal man would. His hair had grown nearly to the floor (he took Clow’s “I adore long hair” to extremes…and he found he rather liked it himself.) 

Clow was hosting a party that night, a going-away party for himself. That was so Clow, and everyone they’d ever met the past few years was invited, meaning Yue needed to make a nice impression; if he looked good, Clow, his Master and Creator, would look good. 

He dressed in a kimono (a boys this time) and felt light-headed as Clow’s own hands helped him tie his sash, then pull his hair behind him and smile in the mirror, telling him how lovely he looked. In Yue’s mind, he put so much more weight on those words than they probably deserved, going over every syllable and inflection, searching for more than just a passing comment.

Unbeknownst to him, there was. 

It was his own fault, he guessed. He had chosen Yue’s looks, basing them on the angels of the Bible- beautiful, unearthly so, loveliness that no mortal eyes have seen. Though he had no delusions that he was God, he was sure Yue’s beauty could rival gabriel’s or Michael’s, and that was his downfall. Everything in Yue was remarkable, graceful, and when he entered a room, everyone stared, both men and women.

He dreamed of Yue….he hated himself for those dreams. Dreams of feeling Yue’s skin beneath his hands. So soft, buttery, the color of cream, so pale. In his dreams he held him in his arms, touching not only arms, shoulders, places he was already familiar with, but his chest, his thighs, places he had not touched since Yue taught to wash himself, and DEFINITELY not in the ways these dreams depicted!

He felt Yue’s lips in his dreams, and he tasted like honey. Too many times he awoke, sticky from sweat or other secretions, feeling filthy both physically and emotionally. How could he think such things about his son, his own boy? As much as he wanted to, he knew, he could never touch Yue the way he wished…he couldn’t take advantage of him like that, spoil and damage him like that…

But that party was to change things.

Clow allowed Yue to drink that night, and he sipped at a single glass of slightly weakened sake, not caring much for the flavor but drinking it anyway. He was feeling strangely…warm, and not just from all the eyes following him wantonly. He never really noticed those. No, he noticed only one thing, and it was dressed so tantalizing in a blood-red kimono, made especially for him with his circle insignia embroidered across the back, the silk forming to the curved of his muscles, catching the rippling down his back, sleeves showing the strong tone of his forearms as the fabric slipped up…he tried not to look, and instead took another drink from a table, not watering it down. 

By the end of that glass, he was tipsy, giggly, and had lost even the meaning of the word “inhibition.” Kero was suppose to be keeping an eye on him, his ward, but he was currently having his ears scratched by a village crazy cat lady, and paid Yue no mind as he brazenly strode up to Clow and told him he needed to speak with him urgently in private.

Concerned, Clow led him from the room with his hand placed bracingly on the small of Yue’s back, fearful that Yue was feeling sick from the alcohol. He led him into the hall, where Yue pulled him into a scarcely-used storage closet. 

And he spilled everything. I love you, I’ve always loved you, and not as a father…the words spilled out. Don’t think me sick, don’t think me naive, for I love you, and I always will…

And Clow said nothing, for what does one say to such a thing other than-

“Yue, are you drunk?” he asked, taking Yue’s head in his hands and peering into his eyes. He shook his head cheerfully. 

“Nope! I had a drink or two, but I’m drunk, just in love!” and with that he did what he’d been wanting to do for 2 years. Imitating the hold Clow had on his, he took Clow’s head in his own hands, pulled the taller form down, and kissed him hard right on the lips. 

Clow was stunned, feeling Yue’s lips so forcefully against his. His common sense screamed at him to stop, that Yue was his creation, and possibly drunk, and this was wrong. But he’d had his fair share of liquore that evening, and Yue tasted to sweet, and he seemed so willing…

Next thing Yue knew Clow had pressed him roughly against the back wall, pinning his arms and forcing his tongue into his mouth.

It was a wordless flurry of hands, mouths, falling fabric and the clunking of things being knocked into. Clow let his hands roam all across Yue, his flesh supple, smooth. He kissed everywhere his fingers traveled, tasting the salt from Yue’s skin, listening to every whimper he drew forth.

Yue felt like he was floating, Clow kissing all along his jaw, suckling at the curve of his collar bone, tongue flicking over his chest, biting across the more tender flesh. His mouth parted, silently whimpering, gusts of air with no noise. 

Surely it was a quick and rough tumble, as Yue found himself soon on his back on the floor, his Master lying atop him, kissing him again, no space between them at all, and the small room was growing warm. Clow had his hands pressed against Yue’s wrists, holding one to his side and the other bent gracefully near his face, held so firm Yue couldn’t move…and God it thrilled him. 

Sounds, voices, laughter from the party only a few yards away wafted through the walls, muffled to nothing more than white noise, easily overshadowed by soft moans, whispering flesh and, soon, a short, pain-filled cry.

Everything stilled after, including the pair of new lovers, the air accented only by the sound of their labored breathing. 

Yue finally broke the silence.

“M-Master?” he murmured tentatively, his voice echoing so loudly. “I-I love you, Master…” it seemed like the only words made to fit such a situation, and his ears pricked hopefully, anxious to hear them returned…

But he didn’t. He only raised his head slowly, skin glazed by a fine and erotic sheen of sweat, but his eyes were horrified.

“Yue…” he breathed, one single word, two tiny syllables. His blue eyes widened, as though just now recognizing Yue, who smiled nervously at his maker, glowing. And suddenly he was spurred into movement, moving so quickly away from Yue that it seemed he’d been bitten. He scrambled for his robes, arranging them to perfection in record time, whilst Yue still lay, half clothed in his own, on the cool wood floor, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Master Clow, what’s wr-?”

“Yue…God, Yue, I am so sorry!” he said, hushed but urgent. The pain was evident in his eyes, in the deep lines furrowing his handsome face. Suddenly, he dropped down beside Yue and he put his arms around him, on his shoulders, not embracing him, but simply drawing him near.

“Please, Yue…I am so sorry, I am-“ But he seemed unable to say another word, and before Yue could say a thing, he was gone, the noise from the party rushing in as the door opened only to be stifled once more as it slammed behind him.

And Yue was left alone in the cupboard, half-sitting, his hair a tangle, clothes a mess, perspiration cooling on his skin. He suddenly felt so cold, and the pain that seemed to have eased now pierced him once more, physical now, to add to the mental.

)o(

“I thought for sure you were going to hate me for life,” Clow said idly, leading a finally-bare Yue into the water. So deliciously cool, the clear water climbed up his ankles, past his knees, and finally up to provide a pseudo-cover for more personal parts…not that he had any need to hide such things from Clow. 

“And I thought for sure that you hate ME,” he replied humorously, still holding onto Clow’s arms as the water cast them afloat. “I thought you were repulsed by what you've seen.”

“Hardly. Only by what I’d done.”

)o(

2 weeks passed and Clow was making a point of avoiding Yue. 

He hated himself, hated what he’d done, what he’d taken from Yue. But what pained him most was that yue didn’t seem to comprehend the severity of the issue. No, he didn’t even seem to know the immorality of what his master had done. Instead, he seemed to think as though HE was in the wrong. 

The first week he dressed as humbly as he could; long, dark-colored robes, voluminous and plain, and tied his hair into a simple braid down his back. For reasons completely unbeknownst to Clow, this was a norm for Yue whenever he felt as though he had shamed Clow somehow. Penance, in a way, for sins real or imagined. When this pattern first began to show when he was about 10, Clow had said jokingly that he hadn’t remembered picking him up from the servant’s quarters of a wealthy miser, but Yue’s guilt-ridden face stopped him. 

6 years later, and he still donned the same self-imposed uniform as a form of reconciliation, but a fat lot of good it did. Yue was still beautiful, shining, and even a headscarf or nun’s habit couldn’t hide that. 

Even still, this episode pained Clow even more than any time before, because to him, he was the one at fault, the one who had sinned, and mortally, yet it was Yue punishing himself, avoiding Clow’s eye, speaking in the most formal speech.

For while Clow was labeling himself a rapist, Yue had christened himself pathetic, somehow forcing Clow to do something which obviously disgusted him. Much of the evening was a tad vague, swimming in a murk of sake, but the important parts were clear; kissing Clow, so forcefully, confessing his love…had he looked so pitiful that Clow couldn’t bare to just leave him? And the way he ran from the room afterwards, as though disgusted…that had to be it. Clow was disgusted that he had actually made love to Yue.

Yue never thought of himself as lovely on his own. He only believed Clow’s word, and Clow called him beautiful. Charming, beguiling and precious. But how could he be those things and still put such a look of illness on Clow’s handsome face?

Clow was his master, but somehow, he had manipulated him, and for that, he hated himself. 

But-

But STILL he loved Clow. He still dreamed of Clow at night, though now his dreams were so much more imaginative, since he now had concrete experience to feed from, his imagination running wild as he slept, tangling the two in any number of laughably romantic scenarios. But always the setup was the same; Clow, the man who was his God, the center of his universe…always he found solace in Clow’s arms, and always he woke alone. 

)o(

Finally Clow’s guilt couldn’t take it anymore. He had to make things right with Yue, to explain to his trusting mind what had happened and beg him to forgive him.

He found him in his room, sketching, a rather new hobby of his. Clow couldn’t say he was a master craftsman, but he possessed more talent than he himself did. But he rarely showed anyone his etchings, too embarrassed by their quality, so that was out the window as an ice breaker.

“G-Good morning, Yue,” he greeted pleasantly, trying to smile for the boy, but Yue only glanced at him before going scarlet and ducking his head.

“Good morning, Master Clow,” he whispered, face completely obscured by his hair. 

The honorific stung and he grimaced as though biting into a lemon rhine; he would rather Yue call him by name. 

He shook his head, as though trying to clear it, and sat gingerly down on the edge of Yue’s bed. 

“Yue…we need to talk, you and I,” he began, taking off his glasses and polishing them on the front of his shirt, just to have something to do with his hands.

Yue’s charcoal paused over his sketchpad, and he brought it a little closer to his chest, as though creating a barrier.

“What about?” he said with nonchalance, and resumed his sketch.

Clow growled under his breath; he was growing frustrated. He reached out and grasped the top of Yue’s sketchbook, lowering it and forcing Yue to look at him.

“Yue, please,” was all he could say, and Yue sat at attention, though his eyes were filled with shame.

Clow sat, knees parted, elbows resting upon them, looking like Atlas, holding the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

“Yue…you know what this is about…”

“The party…” Yue supplied simply, keeping his voice apathetic.

His Master nodded. “The party. Listen, Yue…what happened that night…I am so sorry. I can’t even begin to rightly apologize for what I’ve…done to you.”

“What you’ve done…?” Yue repeated, nearly silent, certainly too quiet for Clow to hear, for the man was on a roll.

“It should never have happened!” he asserted, seeming to grow more confident in his words. “I had far too much to drink, and I know that isn’t an excuse, but…” Finally he turned to Yue, a very confused and distressed Yue, and pleaded to him,

“Yue, please, know how sorry I am! I hate myself every moment for what I’ve taken from you, and I just wish I could go back and change it!”

The boy became even more anxious, his brow furrowing. “But, Master, you…you haven’t taken anything from me…” he cautioned, keeping his hands folded in his lap, yet clenched into worried fists. “I love you Clow.”

“And I love you too, Yue, very dearly, and that’s why I’m sorry!”

He shook his head fervently, heavy hair swishing across his back. “No! I LOVE you, Clow! And not just as a father!”

Clow’s eyes were sympathetic, almost pitying, as he reached out to put his hand on Yue’s shoulder. “Yue, I think you’re misunderstanding-“

“No, I’m not!” he denied vehemently, temper taking hold. “You’re going to tell me that I’m just misunderstanding what love means, but I’m not! I may have had a drink or two the other night, but I remember every word I said and meant them! I’ve been in love with you since I was 14, and…and….damn it, what else do I need to say?”

He loved Clow. But the pitying look in his eyes was just killing him…so sympathetic, so damn condescending. He reached forward to stroke Yue’s cheek, so damned [platonically.

“Yue, you’re… you’re just confused right now, and you’re turning that onto me-“

“I am not fucking confused!” Yue spat vehemently, throwing himself to his feet and bringing himself to full height, fists clenched tightly at his sides, knuckled white. “Damn it, why does everyone keep saying I’m confused? I know exactly what it is I’m feeling, and it’s not some filthy, displaced emotion from a socially-deprived construct! Put me in a room for a year filled with the most beautiful geisha’s in all of Japan, or the most handsome aristocrats from Brittain to China, and STILL I would love you! Master, please!I know you see me, and I know you look at me! The way you kissed me…you were as hungry as I! If you wish to never even lay a hand on me again in any way, I’ll understand, but let it be for your own tastes, and not because you fear that you’re taking advantage of a mentally incompetent boy!”

Clow sat in silence, gobsmacked, as Yue panted to catch his breath…and God did he look beautiful standing there; cheeks flushed pink, eyes wild and sparkling, wisps of silvery-grey hair falling across his face…

He couldn’t deny that Yue looked stunning, standing there…nor could he deny that there was a part of him, a small part, a shunned part, that had hoped his guilt was mal-formed, that Yue truly WAS lucid that evening, and had want- NO! that didn't change the fact that yue was a child, HIS child, and that it was wrong for either one of them to be attracted to one another in that sense…Clow was just lonely, and Yue was so close. And Yue was just…he didn’t know…desperate for affection? More attention? Something like that, it had to be it…and he’d almost convinced himself again when-

“Master Clow?” Just two little words, but the sweet innocence dripping from them, the tentative look on Yue’s face…he just looked so lovely, so..so…

It was much more comfortable the second time on Yue’s bed, without the hardwood floor digging against his back. It was slower this time as well, though it had begun just as quickly. Alcohol fogged neither’s eyes, though still neither spoke a word, save Yue calling Clow’s name (or title, rather) as he came. 

And not long after, as the two lay half atop one another, Clow looked down at the man below him, content and smiling vaguely, if not a bit drowsily, but not regretful in the least, and he decided, he could deal with the changes, the looks and the assumptions of others, if this was the compensation it brought him. If Yue looked that beautiful every morning as he woke, perhaps he could deal…

)o(

“I truly am a filthy old man,” Clow lamented with a dramatic sigh, treading water idly as Yue half-floated along on his back. 

“Not so filthy; you bathe often enough,” Yue said with seriousness only the Moon Guardian could muster. “As for old…well, you’re in luck. I like older men. Gray hair and all.”

“Now hang on!” Clow laughed, grabbing Yue by the arm and pulling him from his leisurely drift. “I do NOT have gray hair! That would be YOU, my pet.”

Yue clucked his tongue sympathetically. Reaching up to play with Clow’s wet hair with nimble fingers. “Denial, Master,” he said sympathetically. “So then, what do you call this little streak? Just a light shade of black?”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have any before you came along,” he teased, unabashedly dipping his hands below the water towards his lover, who yelped and paddled backwards.

“No, it wasn’t because of me; it simply took time for the gray Kerberos caused to grow in properly.”

“Oh, is that it!” he demanded, water splashing behind him as he swam to catch up to Yue who, despite his growing burden was an excellent swimmer. 

“Don’t feel too bad, Master,” he called sweetly, strands of darkened hair clinging to his face. “Gray hair is quite fashionable this season. If you’re lucky your child may be fortunate enough to inherit my looks.”

Actually, he prayed fervently that his son or daughter would look as distinguished as Clow. 

Finally, he allowed himself to be “caught” by Clow, though he could easily evaded him for much longer in the water. They decided to dry themselves, sitting not far from the water in a small. mossy knoll, Yue curled with his back against Clow’s chest, lounging comfortably, as Clow let his hands roam across Yue’s stomach.

“You’re adorable,” Clow commented suddenly, nuzzling into Yue’s neck.

He barked a short laugh, disdainfully. “Let’s just see if you say that in three months,” he said hesitantly,still sure that at some point Clow would stop sharing Yue’s comfort with his own form, giving him another reason to lament his choice.

“I will,” he asserted stubbornly. “I’ll find you every bit as beguiling.”

Yue ‘hmm’ed quietly, but said nothing, only snuggled deeper into Clow’s embrace. Clow had such strong arms for one who spent most of his time in libraries and studies, and nothing made Yue feel more secure that being held by them. A monsoon could sweep upon them, fire could rampage the knoll they sat on; Revelations could unfold before their very eyes, seven angels pouring anguish into the water all around them and still he would feel content just to be held by his master.

Soon they were as dry as they were every going to get, and dressed, Yue STILL wringing water from his braid, and set off back home.

“My parents will probably already be there when we get back,” Clow commented idly.

Yue groaned. “Grandmother will probably admonish me with something about the toxins of pond water,” he groused. 

Clow smiled, his eyes turning up charmingly. “Most likely, but I’m sure she’ll get over it. Besides, I don’t plan on hanging around her long today.”

“Hm? have you plans?”

Clow’s hand dipped down the cure of Yue’s back, daringly, teasingly low, “Don’t think I’m not going to make good of my threat, Yue-Chan,” he rumbled. 

“And what threat was that?” Yue asked, feigning ignorance.

Closer still, and Clow reminded, “On your knees making yourself useful, or I’ll force you into your place…”

A contented grin, and Yue said, “Make that a promise and I’ll consider if I want to behave.”


	13. Death by Yarn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter concludes the entirety of what I have written from 2007, though, of course, this story has been heavily edited from the original. There are entire chapters so far posted that are new, and large passages rewritten, but all the same, from here on out, it may be a little more time between updates as I pull everything together new. Thank you everyone who reads; I know this isn't a story for everyone, but I'm glad that it resonates with a few.

Too slowly, yet so fast, it seemed, the blazing heatwave of Christmas made way for the milder true winter, and finally broke into the first days of the year, 1766, bringing a welcome crisp coolness to the air.

Winter was settling in, and with it came the last of the rainstorms, which had kept the family indoors for three days straight.

The first day proved to be a nice start to Jauary iin Yue’s books. Clow securely locked the doors to his library for a few hours, with only he and Yue inside. With the heavy oak doors closed, Yue could almost imagine them being more of a metaphorical barricade, blocking out the pesky noise of his brother, the guilt-tripping of his grandmother. 

Still he was apprehensive about showing himself to Clow in the state he was in, but he seemed to pay no mind. He kissed his swollen stomach with all the intimacy that he kissed his cheek, his neck, his chest. It seemed as though he actually found it somewhat erotic, though he couldn’t comprehend why. Not that he was complaining; though he always desired his master’s touch, desperately, as of late it was a deeper urge. He wasn’t ill anymore, nor tired or lethargic. In fact, he was rarely this full of energy outside a full moon. Even Clow noticed he was becoming a little aggressive; more passioned kisses, insistent strokes, as though he couldn’t get Clow to undress fast enough.

“Before I know it you’ll be wanting to top me,” he teased, knowing Yue would sooner become a monk. He’d tried it, twice, and didn’t like it. 

Clow knew what he liked; rough, dominant, vaguely sadistic…but all things considered, they were happily making due just to feel one another’s bodies against each others, within each other’s. Other times Yue was pleased with just hands against each other, even just a single deep, controlling kiss could sate him at times. 

)o(

Second day the household was growing restless. Clow had a lengthy and somewhat rude letter to reply to from an old acquaintance he’d lost touch with (“Wish he’da stayed lost,” he muttered darkly) and his parents were having a heated argument in their room over some such drivel or another, leaving the two brothers to their own devices.

Kero napped while Yue tried to entertain himself with a book from his own room, but he couldn’t concentrate. If it wasn’t first his stomach rumbling, or then his brother snoring to disturb him, it was his clothes. His clothes were a constant nuisance nowadays, for he’d outgrown 90% of everything he owned. Clow’s gifts were worn often, as were the 2 kimono he owned, and Ming had even brought with her a few garments that she swore would “be all the rage in England in about 60 years” according to her own limited and random bites of foresight. With a very high waist and a bust meant for ladies on the smaller side, Yue had to admit it made due well enough, and was warm in the tepid weather. Still, he was beginning to find that no matter what he wore, there was somethign that pulled oddly in some direction or another.

“You’re not even ready to be born and you’re being a pain,” he said towards the lump beneath the pastel fabric, poking it twice but without any anger. He was trying to make a point to talk to it...him, her...whenever he started to feel overwhelmed and weighed down by the gravity of his situation. November’s breakdown was long ago and he no longer felt ill, but the further he got from his panic night away from Clow, the closer he came to March. Usually he sought Clow immediately once his anxieties hit, wanting to feel his hands, his lips, wanting to sink his fingers into Clow’s hair or let himself be held. being near his Master calmed his worries, replacing his fears with contentment, even eagerness. Long nights unable to sleep were filled with talk of names, of travel to England. But Clow was not always available to assuage his nervous heart. So, he spoke outloud, as foolish as he sometimes felt, trying to form some sort of connection to the simultaneously miraculous yet alien being residing beneath his heart.

“I’d appreciate it also if you could not kick me so hard,” he said with another poke. “I would like to sleep once in awhile” This in particular had Yue completely torn between being horrified, and completely smitten. On his worse hours it was an uncomfortable feeling, almost nauseating, but at other moments, even when it was sharp or uncomfortable, he couldn't help but press a hand to his side, over the queer, fluttering movement. What was most unusual was that he didn’t seem to need Clow around, to feel that way, to smile hesitantly to himself over his child demanding attention. He was glad when Clow /was/ around, to grab his hand and show him exactly where his child was having a fit, but at the same time it was something intensely private, intimate, that no one else needed to know about if he kept quiet, and somehow that felt...powerful.

)o(

By the third day, life had grown frustratingly dull, especially for Yue, who was at Ming’s mercy that afternoon and for God knows what reason she was suddenly possessed with the urge to teach Yue to knit of all blasted things.

“I do NOT knit,” he’d stated firmly as she piled several balls of yarn into his arms. 

She nodded absently, looking for a misplaced needle. “Exactly. And that’s why you’re going to learn.”

He shook his head, plopping the fuzzy mounds down onto a chair. “No, I mean, I do not knit. I just don’t.”

“You sew, don’t you?” was her only retort as she pressed the pair of needles into his hands.

“Yes, but-!”

“Than you learn to knit,” was the end of her argument, picking the wool yarn from the chair before bidding Yue to sit. 

He stared somewhat dumbstruck at the off-white cord bound up in his lap, and the two long, metal chopstick-looking things, then turned up to glare at Ming.

“What do I look like, a grandmother?” he said bitterly, emotions swinging to the left again. He mentally kicked himself SHE was a grandmother, afterall…

But she shook her head patiently, unwinding a length of yarn to demonstrate. 

“No you don’t,” she replied calmly. “You look like a mother-to-be who’s going to need something to clothe his child in.” 

Turns out Yue was right; he did NOT knit. By the end of the hour he was so damned frustrated at not having to PRETEND to be bad that he was striving to be adequate. 

“No no, hold it more like this,” Ming would instruct, gently repositioning the needles in his hands, and he willed his normally nimble fingers to form the correct hold, for his wrists to work together to form knots and loops.

He was stubborn, and refused to have his ass handed to him by a bunch of yarn, so he worked his entire afternoon, taking or hormonally dismissing Ming’s ever-patient instructions. Towards evening, she showed him an already-finished over-gown, while he himself had produced what looked more like the sheep the yarn had been woven from than a garment; lumpy, knotted and a complete mess.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Honey,” she consoled, tapping the blob with a fingertip, and the entire monstrosity magically unwound itself. “You’ll learn.”

“Can’t I just enchant my needles?” he groused, trying to stretch his back, sore from sitting still too long, as well as from the added weight to his front. 

“No, you can’t,” she said, handing the ball back to him and instructing him to start over, going over the basic chain again. “Don’t you want your son to be dressed in something you made with your own hands?”

“How do you know it’s a boy?” he wanted to know, looking up at her expectantly. 

She smiled, sitting back down on the sofa catacorner to him, squinting slightly at her handiwork; she needed glasses. 

“Because, you look about 19 or 20,” she informed him of the obvious. “And the child was conceived in June. Therefore, it will be a boy.”

“o-oh?” he said hesitantly, feeling as awkward as a foreigner with chopsticks as he clacked the metal sticks together clumsily. “But I’m not 20, I’m 56”

“And how many women do you know who give birth at 56?” she countered to a silent, glaring Yue.

“And how accurate a prediction in this?”

“Well, the heavens always send surprises, but I can see you holding a newborn son very soon!” and she smiled so broadly as the prospect that her lovely almond eyes nearly closed.

Yue mulled this over as he set about mauling the knitting. He sort of hoped for a boy…Despite Clow’s teasing about his brothers, it just seemed that most humans wanted a firstborn son. 

But he would love a girl too.

He gazed idly down at his stomach now and again, the pale-colored yarn draping a curving line across it, and wondered at how he didn’t even know what was going on it there. That was a better target to pin his anxiety on, he supposed, than any true fear of what was to come.

)o(

After a week, Ming finally proclaimed him a complete failure at knitting and instead suggested crochet.

“It’s only one needle,” she reasoned, sitting next to him on the couch and showing him the same simple loop intertwined over and over again. “And you can make your baby a lovely blanket,” she added as a sort of compensation, easing his defeat-wounded pride. 

He only sighed, rubbing his belly habitually as he watched his grandmother’s lesson.

Truth be told, he somewhat enjoyed the time he spent with her, even if it was learning to kni-er, crochet. He had never had any sort of female influence in his life, which really didn’t bother him as he had Clow, and Clow was his everything. But…it was sort of nice, especially now that he was expecting, so have another person to turn to, when the answers he sought could not be provided by magic. She sat right next to him, voicing her instructions as she went, and it somehow felt very homey to Yue. Ming smelled always like cedar, as she kept her clothes in a trunk made from the wood, to keep the moths at bay. 

“Here, now you try,” she insisted, handing the one hook-ended needle to Yue. “Wrap the yarn around your left hand like this- you ARE right handed, aren’t you?- and just keep twirling the hook like this…there, that’s it…that’s all there is to it!”

Now this I can handle, he thought to himself, and soon he fell into a sort of rhythm, a melodic pattern and within ten minutes he had a chain nearly four feet long and a damned prideful look on his face. 

As the evening wore on quietly, Ming added another log and bit of kindling to the fireplace (Yue had risen to do it himself, but not only was he told to sit himself back down but was then brought a cup of warm tea). He accepted it thankfully, but stirred it with a hint of shame; he didn’t care if it was Ming (and Clow, and sometime even Kero) who was acting on her own will to do these things for him, he still felt like he was taking advantage of her. He was perfectly capable of getting himself a cup of tea, but when Ming made up her mind…

Less than a half hour later, he had just begun to grow tired, and wondered when Clow was going to be done…doing whatever the hell he was doing…when he closed his eyes for all of a moment and felt lips brushing against his temple.

He smiled, leaning towards the kiss, and felt Clow wrap his arm around his shoulders from behind the couch.

“What are you working on there, love?” he asked, spying the 4 rows of stitching Yue had finished. 

“Whatever it is, it’s sure a helluva lot better than those wooly intestines he’d been makin!” Kero announced his presence boisterously, making damn sure his brother paid attention to him.

Yue, however, was feeling pleasantly drowsy and too content so snap back at Kero; instead, he just patted the expanse of cushion to his left, inviting Kero to lay next to him. 

He made a big furry to-do about having to “play nice and cuddly” with Yue, but hopped up all the same, stretching obnoxiously and planting his head right in Yue’s lap. 

“I’ll have you know that it’s a baby blanket,” Yue supplied, giving Kerberos a fond scratch on the neck before going back to his work. 

Kero examined the linked chains dangling over his nose. “Huh. Doesn’t look like much of a blanket to me,” he baited.

The angel merely shot him a huff. “That’s because I’ve only just started.”

“Oh, is that the excuse?” Now he just wanted to be a smartass. “Well, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Must you be so argumentative, Kero?” Clow inquired, sinking gratefully down on Yue’s other side. He sighed pleasantly; he’s spent his entire afternoon in the nearby village, helping an old friend of his repair a rain-fallen fense. Now, Clow wasn't much for manual labor, preferring instead the weight of books, parchment or, at the most, potted plants, but he was more than capable, and he owed a favor anyway. He’d been back home long enough to wash the dirt from his hands and sweat from his face, and hadn’t sat down in nearly 8 hours.

Yue paused his work to enjoy the closeness, the way the couch pulled behind him as Clow stretched his arm the length of the sofa, crossing his ankles in a stretch before himself.

“God I hate digging holes!” he said, his cheerful tone not matching the lament. “One after another after another…”

“Hard work is good for you, Clow,” his mother reminded him fondly. “But then you always were a lazy child!”

“I certainly was NOT!” he denied, his strong English accent surfacing once more. “I'll gladly remind you that I fed and watered the horses every morning and evening for 15 years!”

“Oh well! La de da!” she exclaimed sarcastically, her pretty almond eyes widening with a smile. “Yet you were always wanting to stay inside with your Momma and help me cook! Hung around me as often as you did your father...should have known you liked men as much a women…”

“Mother!” he gaped, his dark skin blanching. 

She only smiled sweetly. “You know I’m only kidding, my sweet. I don’t know what I would have done without you helping me around the house.”

“THANK you,” the magician conceded, reclining back into the cushions.

Them to herself, she muttered, “But you were still lazy…” 

Kero and Yue sniggered to themselves; they had better hearing than their Master.

“Oh, you know what? I could use a scotch.” Clow said to himself, closing his eyes after folding his glasses over his shirt collar. He wasn’t a heavy drinker (Western and Chinese New Years notwithstanding) but he enjoyed a tumbler of scotch or brandy from time to time.

Without even giving it a thought, Yue laid his hook aside, slid out from under Kero and used his head as a bit of leverage to help him stand.

“Oi, Yue! Where you going off to?” Clow asked, squinting his eyes a bit to bring Yue into focus; he was terribly near sighted. 

“…I was going to bring you a drink…” Yue said slowly, peering at Clow curiously.

“Hey, you don’t…I didn’t ask you to bring me one. I can get it myself,” he replied, levering himself to his feet to take Yue’s arm. He chuckled, “It’s not like I’m going to order you around, especially now.”

Yue wasn’t laughing. He dug his heels into the rug, causing too much traction to be pulled along. 

“Clow, you rarely ever “order me around,” he informed him tersely, trying to pull his arm away. Meanwhile, Kero and Ming both pretended to be terribly DISinterested in the scene, though each could see the other glancing peaks. “In fact, you hardly ever do! I was going to bring you a drink because you said you would like one.”

Clow wasn’t following at all, and he stepped forward again, as though trying to pull Yue closer. But he sidestepped, though still unable to free his wrist.

“But, Yue, I’m capable of retrieving what I’d like on my own-“

“So am I!” he shouted suddenly, anger bubbling behind his violet eyes. “I hardly think that walking to the kitchen and pouring a glass of scotch is going to cause me to miscarry!”

“Yue, love, we know that,” Clow tried to sooth, though he was feeling about as stressed as Yue seemed. “I just want you to be safe and cared for. You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to jump up at my every whim”

“I don’t!” he asserted, giving his arm a sharp and somewhat painful wrench, but finally managing to loosen Clow’s hold. He reached for him again, but Yue easily evaded, and by now, no one was pretending to ignore them. “Damn it Clow!” he swore, “How many years am I going to have to spend trying to convince you that I WANT to do these things for you! You know I want nothing more than to serve you, to love you, and I’m still perfectly capable of doing so!”

“Sweety,” Ming said softly, in a hushed tone, “We never said you were…”

“Then please stop treating me like I am!” And he spun around so fast his ponytail arched behind him, and Clow feared for a moment that he would overbalance, but he kept his equilibrium and stormed from the room.

Clow, Ming, and Kero stood and sat in silence, Clow’s mouth agape and looking somewhat hurt.

“Well…that was…unexpected…” Kero finally quipped, and Clow’s shoulders sagged, followed by the rest of him as he collapsed back onto the sofa, nearly impaling his thigh on a crochet hook.

Silence. Then…

“Fuck.”

“Clow!”

“Oh Clow what?” he groused. He ran his hand absently through his tangled hair, disheveling it all the farther. “I…damn it, what the bloody hell was that all about?!”

Ming sighed as well, lowering herself back into her own armchair, a worn blue one she’d claimed as hers soon after her arrival. “I know you want a better answer, but it’s normal,” she said gustily, shaking her head. “I admit I did the same thing to your father.”

“And you’re still married?” Kero marveled.

“Gods know how,” she admitted ironically. She picked her half-done singlet from the arm of the chair and calmly set back to work.

“So…that’s it?” Clow muttered incredulously. “Yue just threw a tantrum and probably hates me for whatever reason, and you’re just going to knit?!”

“And what do you want me to do?” she replied. “He’s pregnant, he’s tired, and he has a foul temper to begin with” (Kero chuckled in agreement) “He’ll be fine once he calms down. And he does not hate you”

“Well, I suppose, but…” he hesitated, casting sidelong glances at the doorway Yue had just stormed through. 

“Don’t you even dare think about going after him”, she warned, brandishing a wicked looking knitting needle in his direction. “He doesn’t like you right now.”

“I thought you just said he didn’t hate me?” Clow threw back, becoming annoyed at his mother’s inconsistencies. 

Walking in late to the fight, but obviously overhearing it, Jonathan entered the parlor, two glasses and a bottle of whiskey in hand.

“He doesn’t hate you,” he said, mimicking his wifes words as he bade his son to sit down. “But he doesn't like you. That’s different.”

“Oh?” Clow quipped. “How so?”

A shrug. “Just don’t go up there. If you are really concerned for him, send Kero.”

Clow appraised his oldest critically, then huffed. “I don’t really think I trust-“

“Just leave it to me, old man!” he was already halfway out the room. “You pissed him off royally, but never fear! I’m here to clean up your mess…again!” and with all the drama he could muster, he charged from the room like a knight on a quest, leaving Clow alone once again with his somewhat loony mother and a father encouraging him to drink. Finally, with no noise but the sound of clinking metal to keep his attention company, he sighed, raising from the sofa. 

“You’re sure he doesn’t hate me?” he clarified wearily. Sure, he knew Yue loved him, and was probably just tired and cranky, like Ming had assured him but still…

A slow smile, his blue eyes, so much like his sons, sharing a look of empathy.. “No, my boy. He does not hate you,” he assured a final time, pouring out two glasses of sharp, amber liquor and handing one to his son.. 

Clow let out a paranoid breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “Good. I mean, I knew he didn’t really, but-

“At least, not yet.”

“One can never be…wait, what?!” he floundered. Across the room, packing up her knitting to leave the men to talk, Ming laughed.

“Oh, nothing. Just…he doesn’t hate you yet. He just is angry with you. It will pass by morning. He won’t hate you until he goes into labor.”

Well if that didn’t make him feel all cozy inside. Behind her back, he drooped his head, shoulders sagging dramatically (an absolute Kero moment) as he contemplated just how many years the old woman had left on her.

“And, pray tell, how long will that take to pass?” he snapped sarcastically, his patience as thin as his lovers.

“Ohh…I don’t know…just don’t count on getting so much as a kiss out of him for at least a month.”

“A month?!”

“Maybe longer.”

)o(

Upstairs, Kero padded down the carpeted corridors, down to the far wing to Yue’s room, where he almost surely was. Sure enough, the small crack beneath the door allowed a puddle of amber candlelight to spill onto the rug and hardwood.

Pulling himself up on his hind haunches, Kero easily manipulated the door handle, thankful that Yue in a temper was often a forgetful Yue, who hadn’t thought of locking the door behind him.

“Go away!” was the greeting that met him the moment he stuffed his muzzle through the door. 

“No.”

A heavy pause, then, sternly, ‘I said, go away Kerberos. I do not wish to talk.”

“That’s that’s too damned bad!” Kero hollered back, meeting the moon’s mood toe for toe.

His brother was sitting cross-legged in the bay window, snuggled tiredly against the blue and lavender pillows that adorned the clean, white woodwork. Half of him was painted crimson and amber from candlelight, the other a more fitting silver and cyan, from the weak moonlight out the window. Turned sideways, he had his arms crossed in front of his chest, like a spoilt child scolded, and the darkened window displayed a clear silhouette, his now round stomach seeming to stand in higher contrast.

“Yue, c’mon. You can’t go around throwing fits like some k-hey!” and he dodged a large, sqaugdy pillow hurled with frightening accuracy in his direction. Looking up, Yue met him from the window with a glare much sharper than a down pillow.

“I was NOT throwing fits,” he denied bitterly, “and I do NOT think it is your place to chastise my behavior!”

“Well, we woulda sent Clow up here, but we were afraid he wouldn't come down in one piece.” He countered pointedly, and Yue just hung his head, curtains of silver hair shielding his face. 

“I do not wish to see Master Clow right now,” he informed Kero primly, seemingly through grit teeth.

The lion nodded to himself, having expected as much. On silent padded paws he crossed the room with a bit of trepidation, wondering how quickly Yue could draw his bow in this state. Finally, he found himself sitting at Yue’s side, trying to act cool and uncaring.

“Ok, so…what’s your deal with the old man? I thought you luuuuurved him?” And that earned him a sharp jab with Yue’s foot. 

“I simply do not wish to be in his company!” he insisted. 

“But why? You just having of those those mommy moods or something?” and he watched his brother twitch at the insinuation. 

“If that is how you want to put it,” he said tersely, still keeping his head bowed, and Kero had begun to wonder what he was hiding.

Kero nodded, thinking he was getting somewhere. “So do I have 2 more months of this to look forward to?”

Yue didn't meet Keros eye, but offered another pouting shrug.

"I'm pregnant, Kerberos, haven't you heard? Expectant mothers are nothing but foul moods and hormones and no one takes us seriously!"

Ah, so that was it; his brother felt like his pains weren't being treated as legitimate, as though he was being dismissed as hysterical...while Kero couldn't really say that his tantrum downstairs was warranted, especially how angry he was compared to a small slights he knew now was no time to point that out, and besides, his point was all that mattered.

Kero judged the space on the window seat, and used his broad head to nudge his brothers feet, to make room for him to climb up beside Yue. He glowered, but didn't kick him off like he expected.

"I'm sorry, Yue," Kero said after a moment, his tone awkward but unusually sincere. Yue appraised him carefully, his eyes narrowed.

"What for?" He queried hesitantly, as though expecting his brother to reveal that he had broken something that belonged to him or hidden a living creature somewhere in his room.

Kero drug the smooth wide of a claw over the grains on the windows wood, and muttered to himself a moment before sighing and saying, "I'm sorry you're so upset, and I'm sorry if I haven't taken you seriously when you're pissy."

When Yue said nothing, kero scoffed, as he took it as Yue speak for "go on".

" listen...this is still really...new for me, okay? And it's not like Clow has any practical idea what to do about you- I mean with the baby!" He spit, as Yue smacked him with a pillow. "Yue, come on. You hold this household together. I'm brilliant but I'm lazy, and Clow is just bonkers. Yet here we all are, dealing with something none of us can really understand...but it's YOU who's dealing with it the most, so...I'm sorry if I haven't helped, or stood up for you..." He trailed off in his his rambling, as though unsure of what he was really trying to say. Yues hand on his fur, thought told him he didn't mind.

"...I'm scared, Kerberos."

"...what?"

"I'm scared," Yue said again, in such a small voice, no stronger than the anemic candle light of the room. " You're right, none of us really know what to expect, no matter how much we read or how much Ming tells us...usually if I don't understand something, Clow can explain it but...there's no way he can now...Kero, I spent three months sick. I'm tired so often, I'm hugry for the first time in my life, my back is starting to ache and I...I can FEEL him moving, the baby, and it's so queer, and there's less than three more months and Ming has been telling me about her births and it sounds so horrific-!"

"Yue you're going to be sick again if you don't slow down!" Kero begged of him, nudging his head against Yues knee, trying to offer his warm weight. "Yue...please calm down. I know you're scared, but aren't you excited too? ...you said it moves? Does it feel like a slug?"

Yue looked at his brother with wide, horrified violet eyes; "why on earth would it feel like a slug?!" He demanded. 

Kero just raised his eyebrows and let us shoulders hunch. "I dunno. It just seems like it would, since its small and swimming in goo and gross slimy stuff-" 

"My baby isn't slimy!" Yue argued, seeming to be enraged and offended at the implication, his hands reaching up over his stomach as though protecting his unborn child from some hurtful words. His brother, however, just chortled, obviously amused at Yues distress.

"Well maybe a koi fish then, all wriggly like the ones in the pond!" He tried again, puckering his furry muzzle into his best impression of a fish face. This time though, yue was more contemplative than combative.

"...actually it does feel a little like a fish," he commented. While keros tone was taunting Yues was dead serious and rather wide-eyed, as though unsure how he felt about this small revelation. Keros puckered fish face faltered, turning to a kind of horrified and intrigued. With his claws safely withdrawn, he reached into bump his broad amber paw against the widest swell of his brothers stomach.

"Seriously?" He prompted, almost patting the warm skin under Yue’s blouse; Yue didn't seem to have much desire to shove him away, as he often did whenever Kerberos decided to use his belly was something to bat at.

"Um...yes, actually," he said, still somewhat dazed. He moved his other hand to rest at his middle at well, feeling g and pressing gently, trying to get an idea of where he could find the small, growing feet that had just recently begun to kick and tug at his insides. "Its very faint, and usually just feels like something...fluttering. Or bubbly, I don't know...these are body parts I didn't even have until recently, so..." He finished with a blush, but still didn't shove his brother away or act shy of his touch; for this, Kerberos was silently pleased. It was like his cold, guarded sibling, so irritable and closed off as of late, was opening up to let Kero have a moment of closeness. Just the two of them, no Clow, no cards, no grandma Ming poking into Yue’s every waking moment to scold him for the colors he was wearing or how much sleep he had gotten. 

"...you excited though?" Kero wanted to know, still not moving the pads of his paw. Yue was still.

"I'm scared," he repeated quietly. He spoke to Kerberos, but kept his eyes down on the curve under his shirt. His short answer, so repetitive, seemed to hold something else in it, something Kerberos wasn't sure if he was allowed to know or hear about, at least not not. "I'm terrified, of being ill, of labor, or being a poor par...mother..." 

There it was again, an unsaid fear, the words hanging between them, Kero with a guess but without the bravery to verbalize, and Yue with no desire to share.

“You should talk to Clow,” Kero suggested with a hint of uncertainty in his voice, wanting to help his twin, but far, far outside his element. “That’s what couples do, right? Talk?”

Yue shrugged slightly, still staring down with vague eyes. “I don’t...want to right now. Later,” he said as a promise that Kero wasn’t sure he would keep.

"...You're gonna be a good mom, Yue," Kero tried to assure him, pretending that he wasn't bothered by Yue’s refusal to admit any positive feelings towards his current life choices. 

The moon guardian nodded silently, and moved his hands again over his stomach, seeming to be suddenly restless, something Kero didn't miss.

"Its late, Kero," Yue murmured. "And I'm tired. I'm going to wash for bed." after a hesitant moment, wherein he uses Keros head to help bring his awkward body to stand, he then added flippantly, " you may sleep on my room, if you wish," knowing that his sibling never missed a chance to have someone warm to hog a bed from.

"...love you too baby brother," Kero answered.


	14. Whiskey for Communion Wine

Jonathan took Clow’s tumbler from him, refilled the crystal glass with more warm, sharp whiskey, and slid it back across the small coffee table to his son, who accepted his second serving gratefully. Ming had left for bed, and Yue and Kero seemed to have turned in for the night as well, leaving the two Reed men alone in the front parlor with a bottle of liquor and their loose tongues. 

“Your mother was the same way, Clow, as were your sisters-in-law,” Jonathan said with a flippant shrug, swirling his own glass around once. “And you know Yue can be...chilly, to begin with.”

Clow didn’t respond, just knocked back half his glass in one swallow, setting his jaw against the burn as his eyes watered; his father prided himself on three things; his taste in women, his taste on clothing and his taste in alcohol. By Clow’s opinion, there was no way he had any actual taste left, with the strength of this whiskey. 

“He just seems so...moody anymore, and it worries me,” he admitted, trying to be subtle about how much pain his throat was in right now. He coughed discreetly behind his hand, blinking back his tears.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, son. Let him yell it out a little, have a fit; he’s going through a lot, you both are.”

“I just...don’t think it’s him being emotional. This isn’t Yue’s usual way of telling me he’s upset; that usually involves more pan throwing and burnt dinners.” his father guffed once behind his glass, blue eyes shining as he remembered seeing his son once received a wok between his shoulder blades when he stumbled in piss-ass drunk at 11 am several years ago. “He just seems so...nervous. Jumpy.”

His father nodded, listening quietly. “Well, of course he’s nervous. You’re having a child, I’m sure you both are. I worried myself sick with each of you boys, Clow. He’s probably terrified to death and too afraid to say so.”

Another swallow; it burned a little less this time, and Clow Reed talked himself up by thinking it was because he was growing use to the burn, and not just because his lips had already begin to grow numb. “Well, he /should/ just say so then!” he sighed. He slid the glass back again, listening at the satisfying heavy shuffle, the clink of glass and the clear slosh as his dad filled it again. Realizing how harsh that sounded, both on his own accord and under the intense glare of his father, he sighed, nodding his head in agreement to the silent words between them.

“No...Well...I /wish/ he would talk to me, then,” he said softly, staring down into his glass before peering back up at his father. It felt...weird, honestly, and almost a bit shameful, to be 429 years old, a master craftsman, a magician far surpassing anyone else, and to still be looking up to his father for guidance, advice, and some direction as to how to not fuck up further. Clow had rarely taken his parents direction as a young man; he’d left home at 16, completely (over)confident in his own abilities and skill, only to come groveling back, penniless and banned from 2 cities at the age of 23. Truth was, though, that he had grown to admire him fiercely. He may rarely ever ask his advice on magic, and his letters home may usually be tardy, but right now he was drowning, and his father was rowing the only boat in sight.

“Do you...think I should go up and talk to him first?”

“What? No, hell no. Not tonight at least,” his father said, packpeddling away from that quickly. “Tomorrow, though, yes. Do something nice for him. Something sweet. And just listen to him, damn it. You walk around with your head in the clouds so much, Clow, and you get so caught up on whims that you act before you think sometimes.”

“Wonderful advice from a man who slapped me as soon as he walked in my front door,” Clow snit darkly. His father lowered his glass and pointed a finger firmly in his sons direction.

“Clow Alexander don’t even start,” he said with a heavy warning in his voice. “You know how I felt about that boy the day I met him. You put too much impulse into him, and I was just looking out for Yue.”

“I spent 3 years planning for his creation, father, he wasn’t a whim,” Clow tried to defend, but he could feel his shoulders falling a little under his parents scolding.

His father shook his head, his bushy waves falling over his shoulder. “Clow, you know what I mean. You made him beautiful because you could, human, because you could. And he needs you, moreso than the others, and you weren’t ready for that- and don’t you /even/ try to argue that you were, I know better. I saw how weak he got without you, and you had no idea that would happen.”

“You sound like Kerberos,” Clow sulked, undoing the tie in his hair to let his own fall freely as well. This made sense, though, as Clow knew he had his father's boisterous will in mind when he created the lion. Clow himself bore little initial resemblance to his father, at least physically, who had pale skin, dark red hair and a very tall build. Clow took after his mother moreso, though anyone standing the three together (or any of Clows brothers) could see the proud mix of his ancestry. He had his father's eyes, though, his long-fingered hands, his lazy gait. And he had his father's reasoning, he just rarely used it. 

“Well, Kerberos is right; he’s always been good at looking out for his younger brother, Clow, which is all I’m trying to do. Look out for Yue...you love him, and you’ve long since come to understand what you mean to him, emotionally, magically...I’m not here to tell you anything you don’t know, I just think you could do with being reminded once in a while, son, that Yue needs you far past what one lover needs from another.”

Clow chose to drink rather than answer, downing his shot before settling his elbows heavily on his splayed knees. “I know...I’m just waiting for the day he decides he hates me for how he was made.”

Jonathan Reed appraised his middle child silently, and Clow could feel his eyes on him. He’d never told his father that. Actually, he had never told anyone, and for good reason. As a magician, Clow knew words had power. Words had magic. Perhaps admitting this fear wouldn’t will it to come to pass, but he couldn’t know that. Clow Reed had… a history, with unintended wordspell, and he’d already harmed one, too deeply to fix.

“I mean-!” he continued into the growing quiet, throwing his arms out as he spoke. “I mean, Yue is so proud of how he’s made, you should see him at parties, he walks around like a peacock, and any time someone asks how he functions with moon magic he just lifts his head up like someone just compared him to a prince!”

“He adores you, Clow.” his father pointed out in a soft voice

“But what happens when he decides that he’s done with that? Yue is cynical, and I don’t know why he’s decided to be an unending optimist when it comes to this...Dad, I know, alright? That I could have...made him different. I /could/ have, but I didn’t want to. What Yue is...his magic, not his personality, that’s all by my design, and even knowing his problems, his weakness on a new moon, how close he has to stay to me...I wouldn’t change it, father. I can’t imagine him any other way…Kero says I’m selfish, and maybe I am, but Yue is still perfect, to me.”

His admission tumbled loosely past his lips, aided by his stress, by the late hour, by the strong alcohol, by his comfort in his father's presence, but it hung heavily between them in a thick fog, and Clow’s heart hammered in his chest as he waited for his fathers condemnation to swing upon him like Yue’s pots and pans.

“Don’t ever lose that attitude, son,” his father's deep voice said, cool, soft and more gently than Clow could have anticipated. “Don’t ever regret a single spell of his making. Don’t ever see Yue as anything other than perfectly made.”

“...father?”

“You’re not a bad man, Clow.” his father began slowly, sending another glass over. “You’re a good man, even. You’re loving, you’re kind...you’re also whimsical, impulsive, ill-humoured, arrogant, a show-off and, sometimes, selfish.” he winced with each strike against his character, but did nothing to defend himself against the words. “You made Kerberos, and then wanted to top yourself. You said yourself, decades ago, Clow, that you put into Yue everything you were too scared to try with Kero. Everyone marveled at your sun, and you wanted them to crow over your moon as well, don’t deny it.” Clow could do no such thing.

“And, in the end, I admire you for it, Clow Reed.”

Clow peered up at his father through long, sticky strands of black hair, wondering if he were gaining hearing as poor as his vision.

“You made Yue to be your idea of perfect. I don’t know how else a magician could pour love into his creation, Clow. You loved him the moment he was borne into your mind, and you wanted him to be admired. You wanted him to be beautiful, so people would stare, strong, so he could floor anyone. And it’s only natural, Clow, that a creation be dependant on their master; Kero is, your cards are. There’s no way around that.”

“But Yue is moreso, than the others, moreso than the moon needed to be. I /could/ have made him less dependant on me, able to separate from me, but I didn't-”

“Like I said, Clow, you’re arrogant, and you were far more after you successfully made Kero. Honestly, son, there’s no way Yue would have turned out any different.”

Clow nodded, thinking back to 1708, when he had his new companion, when Kerberos was bounding around his gardens, with speech and heart and WILL, when his sun magic filled the house as powerfully as the sun's warmth itself. Kerberos was the most perfect creation Clow had ever seen, and he knew it. He crowed to every one of his colleagues, he showed off his new friend, he couldn’t help but silently compare him almost snobbishly to every other construct he met. He was intoxicated with his own workmanship when he began to form Yue.

“I don’t apologize for my confidence,” Clow began. “But I was an unlikeable person for a while, even Ezra had no problem telling me such, and Yuuko smashed a sake bottle over my head.

“Sure you deserved that- you just don’t sit well with your lovers, boy.”

A ‘what can i do?’ shrug. “I just...thought I knew it all, after Kero was alive and healthy and strong...I thought I was everything grand, so thought Yue should...reflect that. If I was the strongest power on this earth, I wanted him to draw on that as much as possible. The moon reflects light...I only wanted him to reflect /my/ light.”

“You were always arrogant, Clow, but around then you were a pompous bastard and I could have popped you one more than once, honestly. But you were what you were, and Yue turned out to be a marvel from it.”

“He did,” Clow agreed, but with none of that Reed pride in his voice. Instead, there was a heavy, hanging melancholy. “But that was almost 60 years ago...Yue was so sick and weak when I got back from the North that one time, and he still gets that way sometimes on a new moon, if I haven’t been looking after myself...his personality is his but...it was formed around a need for me.” he ticked off his sins one by one, as though kneeling before a priest in confession...he downed another gulp of whiskey, wondering how many bottles his father had brought.

“Clow...pride or not, you /are/ the strongest magician known, and you’re aware of that. It’s just fact. Yue is what you made him, as are all your constructs. We are all of us, mortal or not, a result of our time, our childhood, the place we were born, our parents situation, health and wealth. Yue is no different. He was born amidst selfish crowing, and better or worse, he is as he is.”

“In other words you made your bed Clow Reed now lie in it?” he said despondently and couldn’t keep the slightly tipsy sneer of his face.

His father studied him, trying to keep a smirk off his face. “I could make a jab here at Yue already lying in your bed, but considering his current condition it’s too obvious to be funny.” Clow rolled his eyes at the not so spared humor. “No, Clow, my point is, you made Yue out of arrogance, a need for attention, pride, and a sense of perfection. And love. You wanted him perfect, you wanted him beautiful, you wanted him to draw from the world's most powerful magic, because you loved him, even before he was made.”

“I did...Ever note I jotted down had to be without mistake or fault, even his appearance...even if he was bland in another's eye, he would be /my/ perfection.”

“And you now have a guardian who all but worships you, because of the choices you made at his creation. Choices made from both good intentions, and selfish ones. You made a perfect construct who needs you, Clow, and he’s his own person now. If you don’t want him to grow to hate you- and, by extension, hate himself- then /take fucking responsibility/.”

Clow jarred himself upright so fast his glasses came askew. “...What?”

His father's light tone turned serious, and he sat the bottle aside, even taking Clow’s glass from his hand.

“Take responsibility for what you made, Clow. It doesn’t MATTER what intentions you had 56 years ago, it doesn’t matter how you angered him in 1712 or how ill he was in 1740. All that matters at any moment, is THIS moment. He /needs/ you Clow, more than the others. He needs your magic, your attention, your touch, your power. You wanted a creation that drew on the strongest magic in the world and you damn well better provide that, Clow. Yue will never stop needing you that way. Even if you weren’t lovers, even when he’s mad at you, or you’re away, you /owe him/ everything you can give.You got what you wanted then, and you still have it now. Even if your desires change, or you know where you may have gone overboard, it doesn’t matter. You still owe him the same amount of yourself as you made him to take, Clow, do you understand me?”

Clow Reed was quiet under the harsh, unsympathetic tone of his father, but he nodded, slow and deliberate, mulling it all over in his head as he stared down at his still dirt-lined hands. Of course his father was right, he knew that, it was just another thing he wanted to keep quiet about, like his fears that Yue would someday resent his nature. To admit he was overzealous, overambitious, too prideful when he made Yue, not only hurt his own sense of self, but, to Clow, insulted Yue. It made it seem as though Yue was somehow made wrong, a mistake, when even with his weaknesses, Clow only saw perfection. To admit that Yue was more dependent than he needed to be, was admitting imperfection in his beloved moon, imperfection in his /own/ character, and Clow Reed was still, to this day, prideful.

“You know, son, it’s something you need to think hard about, how much he needs you, and always will, because raising a child isn’t much different. You loved your baby before she was conceived, you spend hours and hours planning, and when they’re finally here, they’re perfect, more than you could ever have hoped. And they /need you/, they depend on you for survival, they need you for everything they have-”

“Like Yue. Except, Yue won’t someday grow up and move away on his own.”

His father’s nod was solemn and serious, leaning forward to mimic his sons posture.

“No, he won’t.He will /always/ need you, but so will your child, even if it’s in a different way. Just...don’t deny Yue what you promised yourself you would give him. I don’t ever want to see that back-talking, arrogant sonofabitch I had for a kid in 1709, but it would do you some good to remember that Clow’s sense of power, and remember that /that/ is how Yue sees you, and how he needs you...I don’t judge you for making a dependent being, Clow. Yue is his own person in mind if not in magic. Just don’t give me a reason to judge you on how you treat him. You love him, and we show people we love them by willing what is best for them, and for Yue, that involves remembering /what he is./ Don't ever change your mind, Clow. Don’t EVER regret how he was made, don’t change your mind and wish you had made him different, don’t ever see him as anything less than perfect. Your wishes don’t change human hearts, and it won’t get you out of being responsible for this life you brought into the world...neither of them.”

Jonathan Reed poured them each a last glass, which they shared quietly, Clow feeling the fogginess of inebriation swill around in his head, but it wasn’t enough to damped his father's words. When the last of the bottle was drank, Jonathan rose, placed a kiss to his son's head, and left to join his wife in bed, leaving Clow Reed alone near the parlor fire with dirty hair, an angry lover and a heavy heart.


	15. Tears and Teacups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a fam fic, of course there is sap
> 
> It's a Syri-written fic, of course there is copious amounts of pain

Clow didn’t mention his late night talk with his father, not to Yue, nor Kero, nobody. He kept his words close at hand for easy access the next several days, though, as he tried to coax Yue into better spirits. Their fight was all but forgotten by morning, though Clow still welcomed him with tight hugs, soft kisses and many “i love you’s” and “I’m sorry”s. He all but forbade Yue to apologize, though Gods knew he tried. Clow allowed the simplest words of remorse, then kissed the rest away from Yue’s lips, combing through his long, loosely bound hair and trying to murmur that he needn’t be, he did nothing wrong, he was loved.

But for his part, Yue seemed to only grow more and more withdrawn as the new year dawned. He spent much of his time holed up in the library or his bedroom and Clow was growing worried.

However, Clow’s anxiety was nothing compared to Yue’s. The wheel was turning steadily through January, seemingly far too fast. It felt like just yesterday had been Sahmain, yet here it was halfway through January, each day carving out a larger pit in his stomach. He lay in bed each night beside Clow, wide awake and chewing on his nails while his husband slept peacefully. One night he had caught him pacing the upstairs corridor and was by his side at a moment, worry pouring forth for his guardian, for their baby. Yue had assured him they were both fine, he just couldn’t sleep, wanted to be up. He attributed it to the full moon, and Clow had let him be, but in truth he’d just gotten done being ill in the bathroom. Not for morning sickness, which had long since passed, but from anxiety, worry, fear. 

His next sleepless night, as Clow stayed up late to work, he tried to work on the corner of their room they had allotted as a nursery, tried to finish the stitching on a blanket, a gown, anything, but every item he picked up just turned into an object to pluck at and fidget with. He got nothing done.

Yue was terrified, of what was happening to him, of what would later, or how the hell he had ever gotten himself into this situation to start with. He was tired, physically and emotionally, and feeling crowded in his own home with Jonathan and Ming there, which made him feel worse. They were here to help him, to do what they could for their son and his partner, yet half the time he just wanted to yell at them to get the hell out of his house.

He hated himself during those moments, for feeling so ungrateful, which did nothing for his mental exhaustion. He sighed, and shifted in the nest he’d made on the couch in the library, hearing his back pop several times; least that felt a little better. He tugged at his blankets, guarding against the chilly air, and tried to fos on the pages before him but he had little attention span for diversion these days. Which upset him further; he would love to loose himself for a few hours, relax a little and check out, but it seemed he didn’t deserve such a luxury. Finally giving up, he marked his place with a scrap of paper, laid the book on the floor beside him, and lay down further, bunching the blankets up around his shoulders.

“Least you’re warm,” he sighed down to his middle, making sure it was just as well covered. “Mind helping your mum with that at all, my little witch-to-be?”

Throughout his fear and trepidation, he hadn’t stopped speaking to her. Him...her. He had settled on that about a week ago, that he somehow felt Ming’s predictions were wrong about having a son. He couldn’t say why, and had no basis to back up his assumption, but in either case it was simply easier to pick a title and stay with it. So she it had become, his constant companion through his tears, midnight freakouts and kitchen raids before breakfast. It both terrified and comforted him, the most upsetting and frustrating of combinations. On the one hand, it was impossible to forget that he was going to have a tiny, wailing human being depending on him come March, yet on the other, there was always someone there to rabble off his frustrations to, who couldn’t complain back except to kick around a little more than usual, which Yue had long grown used to, and sort of liked, even. No matter how long he spent crying in the bath, he always ended, after cleaning his face up, by reminding her it wasn’t her fault he was so upset, and she’d be well loved...he knew he’d love her, he already did. He just hoped endlessly that he’d be in any state to /like/ her.

)o(

Yue fell asleep on the couch, and snored away for hours before his husband found him; even then, Clow couldn’t bare to wake him. He knew his lover hadn’t been sleeping well, and had been spending his late nights prowling the halls and bookshelves, and he looked too damn peaceful to wake, at least not yet. He felt the skin on his arms, found him chilled, and laid a tapestry blanket over him, lying just a brush of a kiss to his hair as he left him to sleep. 

Clow returned at twilight, his guardian having slept clear through supper, with a tray of rice, radishes, cabbage and carrots, as well as a pot of tea with milk and cream. He sat his burden down gently on the floor, the clinking of the china loud in the otherwise quiet room, and knelt down beside his sleeping moon.

“Yue...my love, you’ve slept the day away!” he chirped with a hushed, guarded voice. He laid a hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. “Come on, up up my love!”

Yue groaned deep in his chest, his deep silver lashes fluttering against his cheeks. There was a moment of muttering before he nuzzled deeper into the pillows. Clow chuckled.

“No no, Yue. Come on. you need to have something for supper, and a bath, then I’ll let you go back to bed,” he cooed, now beginning to stroke his face. Yue’s eyes fluttered open, squinting against the firelight and he reached up to rub at them with discontent.

“‘Time is it?” he groaned behind a yawn, barely awake enough to listen to an answer.

“It’s a quarter to seven, love. You’ve been holed up in here all afternoon.”

Yue’s eyes narrowed, looking around for the clock on the mantle, and all but deflated when he saw Clow’s words were true; 6:48.

“How did I sleep 5 damned hours?” he wanted to know, trying to sit himself upright, struggling against grogginess, his blankets and a burdensome middle. “I just laid down to read!”

Clow’s hands still laid against his cheek. They stroked down his jaw and tucked a lock of sleep-mussed hair behind his ear.

“You haven’t been sleeping at night, Yue, of course you’re going to be tired,” he answered tenderly. Yue offered a shy smile at Clow’s gentleness, his kind eyes, before Clow continued, “though I can’t believe you didn’t wake yourself up with your snoring!”

“...you know you’re only getting away with that since I can’t move fast enough to hit you,” Yue said tersely through grit teeth. Clow continued to beam joyously as he asserted that he knew, that’s why he said it.

Yue was still too bleary to fight with his Master though, and let it pass, thanking him as he passed him a bowl with his dinner. He ate quietly, having a finicky appetite so soon after waking up, but knowing his master wouldn’t let him pass on his meal. He watched Clow sink onto the couch beside him and stretch his arms behind them, looking comfortable to the point where Yue’s back panged with jealousy alone.

“And what then did you do all day as I slept?”

“You mean what productive activities did I finish while my guardian lazed away in sleep?” Clow teased, Yue looked for all the world like he would jab him with his clenched chopsticks. "I tease, my love, I tease! I spent my morning researching a new Card; there’s a spirit Father told me about that’s been carousing around Wales that I may wish to speak to.”

“You’ll be...going to Wales, then?” Yue asked hesitantly, trying to make sure his lilting voice didn't match his sinking heart. To his surprise though, Clow shook his head.

“No no. Not till summer at least, when I can take the three of you with me. Our son will love an English summer, it’ll be milder there and-”

“Daughter.”

“-you’ll be more com- what?”

“Daughter,” Yue said again around a tart bite of pickled plum. “It’s a girl.”

Clow’s face pulled slowly from confusion to a lopsided, cheeky grin. “And how do you know that?””

“I don’t know...just seems like she’s a girl,” Yue shrugged, not feeling like trying to dredge up some kind of verbal explanation for this baseless hunch.

Clow considered this for a moment before slowly shaking his head, his expression turning doubtful. “My mother says she's almost sure it’s a boy-”

“Well your mother isn’t the one carrying her now is she,” he tossed back with a simple coolness. “She has stars and charts and such, and make no mistake I understand the power in such readings, but they aren’t failsafe, Clow. We’re having a girl, and I’ve chosen a name for her, even.”

“Oho!” Clow breathed, leaning in close to his partner. “Are you going to let me in on it?”

“It’s a surprise,” he answered almost wickedly with a prim, secretive smile that teased his lips but didn’t reach his eyes. Clow watched him carefully, and Yue flushed under his scrutiny.

“Hm. And what if I don’t like the name?” he said, with all intention of jesting and teasing. Yue, however, seemed to bristle slightly, his shoulders tensing and he deliberately kept his eyes on his half-empty bowl, mixing the end of his chopsticks around in the vegetables.

“I...have picked out a name for our daughter, one that I...I think is very beautiful, and will be a good name for her.”

Every word came out with effort, it seemed, each syllable slow and deliberate, not a single inflection out of place. Clow could only lean forward and lay a kiss to Yue’s cheek, soothing away whatever ache he may have caused his moon.

“I’m sure whatever you’ve picked out will be perfect,” he cooed. “But what if I’m right and we have a son?”

“Well, then we can make it a wager. If she’s a girl, which she is, I get to name her. But if come March we find I have borne you a son-”

“Then I shall name him,” Clow finished, mischief in his eyes. “Yue, you entrust me with something as important as the name of our child?”

“No,” Yue said flippantly a spark almost lighting up his own. “That’s why I said you can name a boy. And we’re having a girl. I’m safe from your poor decisions.”

“I named you, didn’t I?” he countered with a pout on his lips. 

Yue tutted. “I have a beautiful name,” he agreed with a usual air of Yue pride. “But it means Moon, Clow, in a language we use regularly. Beautiful and delicate it may be, but original, no.”

“Ouch!” Clow winced with a chuckle, pulling back as though burnt. “My Yue you are scathing this afternoon!”

Yue offered another demure smile, his violet eyes narrowing into almost flirtatious slits to hide the panic growing in his chest. ‘I have to be,’ he thought to himself, ‘to keep from crying.’

Yue finished his supper and traded his bowl for a teacup, sharing a hot drink with Clow, wishing he could lay against him and be at peace, longing to be able to shelve his worries, pretend he wasn’t pregnant for an hour, and just lean into his lover's arms. He hated this, he hated this constant anxiety weighing him down from the second he got up until he finally passed out from exhaustion, and he longed for a day months ago, when he was still excited, when he was ill but emotionally stable more or less, and looking forward to a child. The veneer seemed to have worn off, revealing beneath it the hodgepodge of reasons he had thrown together to legitimize this in his mind. His love for Clow, his jealousy, his view of himself as something beautiful to possess...he just hoped that underneath so many hastily-tied beams and supports, there was a foundation of love and actual desire to be found. 

“...something worries you, my love.”

Yue blinked up at Clow, trying to keep his face calm and placid.

“Master?”

Clow leaned forward, slipping his arm around Yue’s shoulders and bringing him close, to speak softly to him.

“Yue, how are you?”

“I’m fine, Clow,” was the guardians automatic reply, and Clow peered through his glasses sadly, as though he somehow expected any other sort of answer. Yue noticed that he himself seemed to be fidgeting more than usual, taking off his glasses to polish on the hem of his shirt, which always caused him to squint as he peered around; Yue couldn’t help but feel his heart lift a little. He always found it adorable.

“Well I’m not.”

Yue’s vague bubble burst before it even had a full puff of air to fill it. “Clow?”

Clow Reed took a deep breath, his father's voice from last night refusing to give him a quiet mind. he absently rubbed the linen over and over across the curves of glass in his hand.

“I’m not. I’m honestly terrified,” he deadpanned with brutal honesty, hoping he wasn't going to shock or upset his lover too greatly.

He seemed confused more than anything, staring slack-jawed at his maker, a nervous hand rubbing over his stomach. “What? Why? is something wrong?”

“No, Yue, nothing like that exactly...just...worried about you, love, about how you’re holding up. Worried for the baby to be alright and healthy, for Kero to take it well...for /us/ to take this well…”

Yue didn’t seem to understand at all, and he turned awkwardly to more readily face Clow. “But...Clow, didn't’t you...want this?" He pressd hesitantly, and he worried he might pass out. He felt his heartbeat began to race and his chest grow damp from sweat. It took Clow only a moment to answer, but he filled those few seconds in with more worried and world-shattering life-ending possibilities than he could count.

“Of course I do, my love,” Clow assured him, laying a hand atop his. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not frightened. I raised the two of you, sure, but you were hardly actual children, let alone a small newborn infant. Yue, look at me,” he said with a hint of a command as Yue’s view began to dip. He did as he was ordered, as he was asked, and he felt Clow’s own stomach sink at the look across Yue’s face.

“My dear moon, please don’t look at me like that,” Clow implored of his guardian, taking his other arm to slink around Yue’s neck, bringing them as close as they could get. “Don't you look so forlorn Yue, please? Just listen to me; you’re as scared as I am, probably more, aren’t you?”

Like Yue could admit that. He tried to keep Clow’s gaze, to not look away, to obey what he asked of him, but it was difficult to keep his head up when he felt like he was physically being drug down. His hand was shaking as he shifted, trying to entwine his fingers with Clow’s, who moved to allow him to do so. He felt soft kisses pepper his forehead through his bangs, though it did little to quell his rising panic, nor the sting to his eyes.

“I’m fine,” he asserted, supposedly to Clow, though he was looking down now at their child and his voice sounded like he was convincing himself. “I’m fine, Clow, I’m not-”

“Speak truthfully.”

He clamped his mouth closed, biting harshly into his bottom lip, which just mounted his need to cry. He took a deep breath, feeling the air shutter beneath his ribs, making half his body shake along with it.

“I….I just...I’m scared, Clow.”

Nothing followed his immediately confession besides tears, the first few falling onto their linked hands, onto the fabric draped across his belly, but more began to cling to his cheeks as he closed his eyes tightly, trying to stem them. He gasped in a deep breath and let his shoulders fall forward onto Clow, burying his face in his master's neck, taking in his scent as he cried.

“You’re fine, Yue,” he cooed, rubbing his hands up and down Yue’s tense back, digging his fingertips into his spine to rub deeper circles. “Shhh, sh sh, you’re alright my love, I promise,” Clow murmured, feeling his shirt become saturated but not giving one hint of a damn. He held his lover close, cooing soft words to him, petting the soft hair at his neck, letting him cry. “You’ve been holding that in too long, my love, I know…”

“I...I’m just scared” Yue said again, in what may well have been a howl had he not been so muffled by Clow’s neck. “I...I don’t know what to do or what’s going to happen!”

“I know,” Clow soothed, nuzzling against Yue’s cheek. “Neither do I, on this, but Yue? That’s FINE. We’re going to be parents, that’s scary as hell-”

“But you WANTED a child!” Yue argued again, as though unable to equate the two, unable to understand how Clow could be fearful! He...he wasn’t suppose to be, he was the one who was going to help Yue know what to do, he...he did this for Clow, for the two of them, and Yue was already so terrified, how could Clow as well be harboring doubts or fears or anxieties? Who was he suppose to turn to then?

“I do, I still do,” he assured his husband. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous. We’re having a baby, and that’s terrifying for EVERYONE, Yue, it doesn’t mean we’re messing up or we’re going to fail. And it doesn’t mean we regret what we did-”

Yue’s crying deepened, as a chill ran through him, and a pang of melancholy ran through Clow...but neither could breach that right now, neither of them had the emotional stability at the moment to fully breech that particular point. Instead, he drew Yue away from his shoulder, wiping his eyes away with a sleeve and sat his teacup back into his hand. He bid him to drink.

“Yue, please...my beautiful moon,” he whispered, sadness clouding his own eyes at seeing his guardian so distraught. “It’s going to be alright, Yue. It’s alright to be frightened, to worry about him being healthy, to worry about how we’re going to get through the next 3 years, the next 13, it’s all fine. But it’s also going to be ok, Yue.”

He just hiccuped into his teacup, feeling swollen and blotchy and itchy from tears.

“Shhh...I love you, Yue, you don’t doubt that, do you?”

Still not having a voice to speak of, Yue just nodded fervently and sniffled.

“As I love you. As I am madly in love with you, my dear moon. Yue, you’re going to be a wonderful mother, you know that? You’re scared now, as am I, but we’re going to get through it.”

“But…” Yue squeaked, then coughed, and forced himself to take a few swallows of now lukewarm tea. He grimaced, and used a spell to quickly heat it, steam wafting from the amber liquid. “But...I’m so scared, Clow! I...I don’t know how to be a parent, and I don’t think I should have...I…!”

But still Yue could not get this admittance out. he was tongue tied in confession, and began to sob again, just as deeply.

Clow, though, wouldn't stand for this. he took the scalding teacup away from him before he could burn himself and grabbed both of Yue’s hands in his, pale, petal-pink skin contrasting against Clow’s tanned golden olive, one pair roughened by a bowstring and the other permanently stained with inks, and he pressed Yue’s palms over his belly and pleaded with him to stop crying.

“Yue come on, listen to me...darling you’re going to cry yourself sick!” he murmured, worry starting to grip him as well, for his guardian. “Yue please...you didn’t make a mistake, my love. You’re frightened, you’re overwhelmed, you’re tired and you hurt...but you have a name picked out, hm? One you chose for her?” A vague nod, another hiccup. Clow smiled encouragingly, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Yues’ hands.

“Good, good...I’m sure it’s a lovely name. And I know you talk to him, don’t you think he can hear you?”

“/She,/” was Yue’s only choked but vehement response, and Clow nodded, eager to agree.

“She, yes, she, our daughter? She wouldn’t want you so upset, would she?”

“I don’t /know/ what she wants,” Yue groused, giving a giant fuck you to dignity as he blotted his eyes and nose with his sleeve. ‘Besides sugared plums and anything spicy enough to make me tear up.”

Despite himself, Clow let out a gust of laughter, gripping his hands tighter.

“See? She already has as a demanding personality, and if she loves you half as much as I do, she wouldn’t want you in such a state, my love. See? Right here? She’s moving and kicking and she’s strong, and she needs you, my moon.”

“Is that suppose to make me feel better or scare me worse?” Yue choked, still wiping at his wet face. Clows smile was sweet but appeasing.

“It’s meant to remind you that you’re a loving, tender person underneath your icy facade, and that soon we’re going to have a tiny little child that we made together, Yue, and it’s going to be terrifying and we’re both probably going to cry for months along with her but...but Yue, remember what you said to me? Almost two years ago? You said that you knew me better than to think there was anyone else I’d desire a family with but you.”

Yue’s breath was still coming in catches and pants, but he didn’t argue with his Master. he croaked softly for water, which Clow conjured without a thought, offering to cold glass to his lover who sipped it gratefully.

“I...I just...I’m afraid that once she’s...here...I don't know what to do, and I’ll wish I didn’t…”

“You won’t!” Clow insisted before he could finish that thought, he kissed his lover, from damp cheeks to reddened nose to dry lips, each with tenderness and love. “You won’t, we won’t. I know you, Yue...you already love her. You love feeling her kick and move around like she’s already having a fit, and you were so proud when you finally finished knitting that baby blanket-”

“”Kero says it looks like a cabbage leaf,” he sulked, and Clow, thinking of the knotted, curled, vaguely flat bit of yarn lying over a trunk in their room, couldn’t exactly disagree.

“She won't care,” he insisted instead. “She’ll be warm and comfortable wrapped in it, that’s all that matters. You’ll bundle her up in it and hold her in bed and she’ll be safe and loved and that’s all she’ll know.”

Yue felt so tired now, despite how long he had slept, and he just leaned forward, tipping his forehead against Clow’s, taking in his scent, his magic, feeling it flow through their skin where their hands touched, and when his lover reached up to wipe away the last of his tears.

“Do you feel better?”

...Honestly, he did, a little. a 6 hour nap and a 30 minute cry seemed to have drained him of something foul, something black and deep and filled with tar. It left behind a residue, clung to his heart, but something felt let out, vented. He nodded, soft but earnest, tired and aching. Suddenly he snatched his hand away from Clows, his Master peering at him in question for a moment, before Yue reversed their positions, grabbing Clow’s hand and bringing it far back onto his side, pressing it firmly down against his skin.

“There. See? That’s how upset she gets at you, Clow.”

“At me?” he queried dubiously, raising his eyebrows at his lover but unable to keep such mock offense on his face for long, feeling the faintest movements far below his hand.

Yue took another shuddering breath. he felt a little better. A little. He still wanted to cry more, but wasn’t sure he had the strength in him for it...talking to Clow hadn’t erased his fears, nor assuaged the possibility that he may tend a child in March feeling like he ruined the next 2 decades of his life, but he could shove that aside for a bit now. Clow was right; he had a name, he had a small blanket for her, he had this person to speak to in such a way that no one around him could know...and it was a brief taste to remind him of his choice, right now, to see the brightly lit look on Clow’s face, beaming as he felt his daughter move.


	16. They, We, Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just taking a moment here, about halfway through the story, to say I appreciate every single person who even checks this story out for mild curiosity. I smile at every single hit I get, and roll around happily with every kudo and comment, even anon. Thank you so much for reading.

Yue did not fancy himself as spoiled or self-indulgent, but by the end of February there was little that could motivate him to get up and going. It was chilly, he was tired, he hurt, so fuck cooking. He’d taken to making himself a warm nest in the library by mid-afternoon, often grabbing hold of Kerberos as a hostage; he was good as a foot rest, a cushion to lay on, and someone to keep him company; Kero prefered the latter to the two former, but considering his brother was in a perpetual state of bitter crankiness, he knew better than to argue with him.

“Yeesh, I can’t wait till you’re done growing that lump,” he groused one cold, drizzly afternoon, earning him a sharp elbow in the back. Yue was attempting a nap and didn’t feel like putting up with Kero’s sass. 

“You’re as mean to her as you are to me and she isn’t even born yet!” he griped, still trying to get comfortable. And warm. It wasn’t even honestly very cold, it never got truly cold in Guangdong, but HE was cold and that’s all that mattered. He snuggled down deeper into Kero’s thick winter fur, his actions loving while his tone was bitter.

Kero, for his part, sighed to himself but allowed it to continue, even gave the top of his brothers hair a few caring licks of his cat tongue, a gentle way to admit he cared for his bratty sibling without actually having to SAY it. Admitting stuff to Yue always left a bad taste in his mouth that only Grammy’s sugared plums could wipe away. Sure he loved his sibling but that didn’t mean he was gonna go around ADMITTING it to everyone. Lately, though, he tried to back off. Yue was tired all the time, it seemed to Kero, and was keeping to himself more and more. The fact that he continuously sought out the sun beast as company actually made him feel sort of needed and important, and he took the job very seriously. Besides, he silently hoped that with enough of his influence, his niece wouldn’t be doomed to the fate she would otherwise incur with THOSE TWO as her parents!

)o(

Yue always enjoyed time alone. When he was very young, newly created, he would be almost inconsolable when parted from his master for more than a few moments time, but he had outgrown that quickly enough. Of course he still found himself constantly drawn into Clow’s orbit. He loved him, he desired every part of Clow, both the physical and the spiritual, that would never change. He was immortal, and Clow was very nearly the same, and Yue knew there would never be a day in millennia that he did not love Clow Reed nor desire to see him, but with the gift of a magical lifespan came the knowledge, now that he was grown, that for every hour he was not with Clow, there would be hundreds more in his arms. He no longer felt sick with worry when Clow left for business, for travel, or even for pleasure. Unlike his much younger counterpart, Yue now understood the value of solitude, time alone, reflection, and he’d had precious little of it the past year. He kissed his lover farewell for the day as he took Kerberos to the city to pick up an order, and his in-laws were taking a day at the shore as the spring air grew warm and pleasant. 

Clow fretted endlessly when he found out Yue would be alone, and implored him to come with, but Yue just shot him a completely disbelieving look, and pointed down emphatically to his middle.

“Clow, do I look like I should be in public?”

His Master just got the same stupid, beaming look he always did when the subject came up. he put an arm around Yue’s hips and his other on his middle, his shoulders hunching up as he grinned.

“You look lovely, so pretty!” he assured him with a naive earnestness. Yue grit his teeth and gently tipped Clow's face up to look at his face instead of the curve of his shirt.

“I am, of course, but I also don’t think the shopkeepers would take so well to me, especially the ones who know me as a /boy/, Clow.”

The magicians over bubbly expression fizzled out a little, as a pink flush crossed his cheeks.

“Right, of course, of course!” he waved away, embarrassed by his lapse. Yue couldn’t help just offer a crooked smirk at his husband's enthusiasm though. He’d been growing only more and more excited and energetic the past month, while Yue grew more anxious. There was a taste of resentment, which the guardian kept deeply bottled, that Clow claimed to be frightened yet had so little to worry about that he could bounce around the house as light as Float, but he tried to sweep that away and cover it with bemusement. Clow was so damned happy, spending hours rearranging their room to prepare it for the baby and cooking up a dozen new spells and potions, for a solid nights sleep, for fairy lights to glow around the room in the darkness, for upset tummies and tiredness (which Yue helped himself to more than once.) He kept prodding Yue daily for a hint as to their potential daughter's name, while amending his curiosity by ensuring yue he /knew/ they were having a son so it didn’t matter...but JUST IN CASE it was a girl-! It was charming, really, to open the boxes he’d received from Ezra, Ashura, and even, as infuriating as it was for Yue, Yuuko, filled with protection talismans, tiny linen gowns, sweets and blankets and letters of befuddled congratulations. He swallowed his bristling temper long enough to pen a thank-you for the alcohol he could not drink, the chocolates he was currently halfway through, and the book of poems she had sent, filled with brilliant watercolor block prints. He made it out the usual way, honest sincerity mixed in with enough low-key burn for Clow to sigh as he sealed it up.

Yue just finished another chocolate and shrugged.

Yes, Clow was overflowing with excitement and joy, and Yue couldn’t bring himself to dampen that fire one bit. He assured his lover that he was going to be fine, he wasn’t due yet, and Ming seemed fine with him being on his own. He told Clow to bring him back something sweet, kissed him again, and sent him on his way.

The door latched behind him, and Yue could breathe. 

He hadn’t had the house truly to himself in 5 months, and he was desperate for some peace, quiet, and time to be able to be alone with his thoughts. Well, as alone as he ever could be right now, but she didn’t really have a lot to say apart from demanding food cooked with too many chillies. It was as good as being alone. The house had seemed so full since Christmas with just 2 more people despite its wealthy size, and Yue constantly felt like he had someone breathing over his shoulder, telling him what to do, how to sit, what to eat...it was draining.

He stopped into the kitchen, sweetly asked Fiery to keep the flames safe and guarded, and put a kettle on to boil. He was intent on spending his day with a mug of tea, a few biscuits, a book, and anything else that struck his fancy. 

Of course, his unborn child aside, there were other reasons he wasn’t truly alone, but the book’s sprites did not provide the same sort of suffocation to their guardian as their Master could recently. He thanked Firey with fresh kindling, bid Hello to Float as he passed her favorite eavesdropping corner. The sunroom was a constant haunt for Wood and Watery. They sensed their guardians desire for privacy, though, and let him be, sending only a soft, loving greeting as he passed by, which he returned with tenderness. The library, however, was empty of magical creature and constructs.

Yue opened both of the double doors and strode in as grandly as his changing form could allow; Kerberos liked to mock him, act like he was just a sweet round thing to hug, but Yue Reed saw himself as ever-powerful. Other magicians, Clow’s friends, they saw Yue the submissive construct, the obedient child, the strong archer who knelt at the feet of his Master, and Yue WAS all those things. It just never seemed to occur to them that Yue had a pride of his own. It was as though, since Yue vocally described himself as a construct of Clow Reed and wore his prowess for Clow’s glory, that he had no desire to be strong for his own benefit.

That...was not entirely true.

Yue strode the length of the library, breathing deep the smell of books, some falling to bits with age and some brand-new and barely opened. The low fire in the hearth smelled like charred wood and incense. He reached the windows and threw one open wide, adding the smell of spring to the room. Flowers never died from winter cold in Guangdong, the end of the year still mild, but it blossomed to a new life each year anyway, and the Iris’s would be blooming soon. It was beautiful, the scent sweet, with just a touch of breeze kissing his cheeks.

Yue was strong. His shirt was light, sheer and gauzy, and anyone looking would be able to see how muscles stretch and ripple beneath the seams, his arms toned from archery, his shoulders, his back. Yue saw himself as dependant, not weak. He was needy, not incapable. He wanted to be stunning, both in body and in mind, to show off, to make Clow Reed look like the God he was in Yue’s ind, to impress any who doubted him, but alone, with no one's eyes turned vainly on him, Yue still wanted to be powerful. He did not see it as a contradiction, to desire submission to Clow yet revel in his own power. Kero could mock and tease all he wanted, but Yue kept his chin high and his shoulders proud, walking with as much grace and dignity as he still could.

Lightning crackled at his fingertips as he stood there, a tingling not unlike his hand falling asleep as he lay on it, but warmer, more alive, and he breathed deep, his soft, downy hair wisping against his face in the light breeze. Fast as a whip crack, Yue drew his bow, pulled a single electric arrow back onto the string, and shot with barely a glance. He watched the missile fly, slicing through the spring air with a whistle, to lodge perfectly in the scar of a tree, left by a fallen branch, several hundred feet away.

Yue had pride.Yue did nothing halfway, whether Clow was around to see or not, to praise or to scold. He had only one person around to feel his magic surge as he let loose another arrow from the open window, and she wasn’t in much a place to comment on her mother’s archery. All the same, he was intensely aware of her, both from her weight and warmth, and from the magic he could already feel thrumming below his heart. She would be a strong witch, he knew this without any hesitancy, and she would be a strong woman. Yue would let her be nothing but. 

He was still terrified. As he lowered his bow he felt his arms shake. Archery, flight, running, sparring, astronomy, tarot, cooking, flute, piano, philosophy, language. Yue excelled in many areas, and he knew he was intelligent, judicial, athletic, but his success was driven in both the positive by a desire to please Clow and himself, but also in the negative; he feared failure. The shame of loss, of wasted attempts, drove him to do everything he did well. But there was no preparation here, no practice, and the consequences for messing up were far more dire than a bruised ego. He was suppose to raise a child, a little girl, into something competent, confident, and independant; how was he suppose to do that, when he himself clung to his maker for life?

He dismissed his bow, watching the blue light fade from the room and from the tree that served as his target. As fear welled up within his chest, he swallowed, as though physically trying to shove down his anxiety. he set his jaw and quelled his shaking. Yue adjusted his shirt into perfect place, smoothed a hand down his hair and turned on one bare heel to head back to the kitchen. Shoulders straight, head up. If nothing else, his daughter would have will. She would have pride the same as he. 

)o(

Yue spent his afternoon doing exactly what he planned, which was whatever the hell he wanted. He had tea in the library window seat with the smell of spring wafting through. He strolled around the gardens, the flower beds and the herb rows, pointing out each plant and naming it for his daughter, first in English, and then in Mandarin, and telling her what each was for. He plucked the first lilacs off the bushes, blooming over a month earlier here than they did back in England, and inhaled their sweet, fruity scent. He tucked the soft, dewy bunches indulgently into his hair and assured her they looked beautiful. 

Honestly Yue didn’t shut up the entire afternoon, chatting away on whatever topic struck his fancy, with no one to tell him he ought to lie down and rest, or to make sure his tone never got agitated or angry. Yue figured with his temper, there was no way his daughter wasn't going to have her own fits of anger, so she may as well get use to it now. He spoke to her about the pond Kero pushed him into when he was newly created, the frogs that tried to storm the house every summer and the berry bushes that he would stain his hair with in the fall as he gathered enough to make tarts, pies, and enough jam to last through the winter. He thought she would be especially interested in that, considering mulberry jam on soft wheat flour bread seemed to be her favorite food the past 3 weeks. 

The sun was warm, kissing his magic upon Yue’s skin, and he ruffled a band through his hair to guard his neck against burning; the last thing he wanted was to try and sleep 8 and a half months pregnant with raw, red skin added to his misery. 

“Hopefully you won’t be as fair as I am,” he grumbled, stepping deeper into the shade of the trees overhead. “Pale skin is considered beautiful, but your father has darker skin, and it’s so terribly handsome, my love. I hope you look like him.”

She was silent on the matter, which Yue decided was only expected, as she had no idea what either of her parents looked like.

He didn’t go inside till almost 4; it was too beautiful outside to spend the day indoors, especially on a quiet spring afternoon. He would have stayed till evening, but they were hungry, and wanted more jam.

They did eat outside though, on the ink-stained stone patio outside the dining room, marked with paints from his and Kero’s own “childhoods”. he rubbed his bare toes over one of Kero’s dinner-plate-sized pawmarks, now very faded from weather, and knew that she would add her own marks to the stone. Tiny handprints, clumsy letters, just as they had done, roman script alongside chinese characters, meddled in with artwork both crude and rather well-rendered, if Yue did say so himself. He took a swirl of his tea, taking it with lemon this afternoon, and thought of all the scars the Reed family home bore from he and his twin. The chinks and chips on the banisters from Kero’s claws, the giant ink spot in the library that Clow scolded them both soundly for, not because they had spilled a bottle, but because they lied about it.Many walls were plastered after their fights, and the hidden back staircase held their handprints, accompanied by their names written in as neat English as Yue could muster in the cramped space. He thought of her name, short, perfect, powerful, a name to be admired, and through his anxiety, he hoped to someday be able to add her own small palm and name to their secret space. 

It was the first week of March. Two years ago Yue anxiously looked forward to future weeks, so in love with Clow, wanting to share something intense, deep and lasting, something that...that Ezra, that Jian Wu, Mark and Yuuko could never have with him. Yue so intensely desired this bond and ticked down the days till late April. He still had that slip of paper tucked away upstairs in his personal room; he wanted this so bad.

Now, here he was, still so deeply in love with Clow, and having got exactly what he wanted, but there was very little of the excitement and contented peace he expected to have at this time. He had it, exactly what he asked for. Something between only and and Clow, something that dimensional witch could never give him, something Clow Reed desired for so much of his life and had given up the idea of ever having. Here Yue was, carrying for him exactly what Clow wanted, what he desired so deeply to give to Clow, to share with Clow...so why wasn’t he as joyful and excited as his lover? Why was he so scared, when Clow seemed so confident?

“...Not your fault, alright, little one?” he murmured in a quiet voice, tracing his fingertips over his stomach, watching the delicate fabric of his blouse catch against his nails. “You didn’t ask for any of this, it’s not your fault...you scare the hell out of me though, you know that? You could be sick or malformed or too small and I would never know it...I don’t know what you need from me, or what you’re going to need from me, and I’m terrified of bringing you into the world and messing you up...I hope if I do, you won’t blame me. I /do/ love you, I just...I don’t know if I...if I want you.”

Alone in the garden, with no one home, with no spirits, no fae, no Clow or Kero or grandparents, Yue could say to his child what Clow wouldn’t permit him to say out loud. He had shushed him, stifled his words and talked over him. And that hurt. He felt a hard lump in his throat, trying to squeeze tears from his eyes but Yue was strong. He wa sproud. He didn’t allow that to happen. He rubbed his stomach where he thought his daughters back wad and continued with shaky words.

“I’m sorry, little one, you don’t deserve to hear that...Ming would kill me if she heard me say that, and Master would tell me I was being silly, but it’s...true, and please forgive me for it, but-!”

Yue paused again, blinking back the stinging in his eyes, and laying both hands warmly over his middle.

“Diana, I’ll love you, I’ll give you everything I can possibly give...I’ve already given you a father who will love you to the stars, and I hope to never be guilty of denying you anything you wish, or harming you with my words, or scorning you, making you feel unloved...I don’t think I’m going to be a good mother to you at all, and I hope you don’t hate me for that! I would never give you up for anything now that I’m carrying you, I couldn’t imagine letting anyone else have you...but with as much as I know I’ll fail you...Clow says I’m wrong, your father. He says I’m going to be a good mother, and so does Ming, and Jonathan, even Kerberos, but they don’t know how scared I am, darling. Please, I promise, I /do/ love you, but I...I am prideful, and I am fussy, I’m tempermental and cold and cynical and have very little patience. I’m everything a child doesn’t need and very little that they do...I can’t promise you anything, Diana, except that I’ll try, alright? I’ll love you, and I’ll try to raise you to feel that truth, no matter how badly I fail at everything else…”

Alone in the garden, just Diana and he, Yue let it tumble out, everything Clow wouldn’t want to hear, every word he would deny. To his little daughter, still unborn, Yue admitted his fear, letting the evening breeze carry away his shameful words.

)o(

When Clow arrived home at 7 o'clock, he found Yue in bed, sound asleep, with his lump of a baby blanket clutched to his chest. The room smelled of incense and extinguished flames. On their corner altar, below a small painting of Chang’e, he saw a bowl of honey, a cup of tea, and a bundle of soft lilacs tied in a violet ribbon


	17. Potatos

)o(

The keys were smooth beneath his fingers, cold and glossy but warming beneath his touch. With each stroke music wafted from the piano, clear, deep minor notes, played more from memory than from sheet music, but he read along and turned the page when needed anyway.

Yue enjoyed music, and played a fair few instruments well enough, but flute and piano were his favorites, and he currently didn’t have the lung power to play flute. Instead, he sat himself down on the padded bench almost an hour ago to play, eager for a distraction. It was midway through March now, and each morning he woke unsure of what his life would be like by the next sunrise. There was little else for him to do now aside from sleep, read, knit, or any other occupation that didn’t involve being up and round, and music sounded calming to his highly frazzled nerves.

Outside the window to his left he could see glimpses of Kerberos, Dash, Jump and Clow playing some sort of chasing game. For this he was grateful; Kerberos was getting on each and every last one of htis nerves this week, and he’d all but implored Clow to find some kind of occupation for his older brother. He’d risen to the occasion spectacularly, and Yue felt himself starting to calm slightly. He kept the glass open so he could hear them, their screams and laughter. At least once he even heard his grandparents from a window upstairs, leaning out to holler at their son that it was pathetic he couldn’t even keep up with his own creations; Yue allowed himself a small smile at that.

“What a pretty song, and what a pretty pianist.”

Yue blushed at his master's voice, but didn’t lift his fingers from the keys nor his eyes from the music. He continued to play steadily, flipped to the last page of the melody, and let the final notes ring out through the parlor. Finally, resting his hands on the lip of the keyboard, he turned towards Clow with a sly smile.

“Listening at doors, Clow Reed?”

“No no, at windows!” he chimed, indicating the white sill he was leaned against. “I can hear you play clear across the yard today, it’s so still. You play so beautifully, my dear moon.”

Yue’s blush deepened, and he tipped his head to graciously accept the praise.

“Play me another?”

As though Yue could deny such a sweet request. He licked his fingertip and leafed through his sheet music, finally resting on a song he liked, scooted awkwardly over to the major keys, and began to play. The chiming notes surrounded him, making him feel peaceful and light in a way he hadn’t in many, many weeks. He let his mind wander in it, unrestrained, so deep in the vague softness of sound that he barely noticed the shuffling noise ot his left. He flickered his eyes over once, heavily distracted, and then again, his notes missing and turning sour at what he saw.

“Clow Reed we use DOORS in China!” he gaped, watching Clow clamor, long legs and all, through the open window.

“What, and lose sight of you for even a moment, looking so angelic?” Clow teased, his eyes sparkling as a child's does after a particularly delicious bit of mischief. Yue clucked his tongue with disapproval, and huffed, turning back to his piano to begin the line over again.

He played without mistake even as Clow began to run his hands over his hair, soft as a whispering spirit, barely ruffling the strands. Down his hair and onto his shoulders Clow’s hands wandered, their warm weight a delight to the moon guardian. He sighed, his fingers still flittering quickly across the piano, black and white blurring through a lilting piece of music. He sighed gently when Clow accompanied his touch with a kiss to Yue’s temple and pressed his warm, strong hands to his back. He nearly purred when Clow’s fingers pressed into his sore muscles, offering his soothing touch and a bit of his magic as he listened to his lover play. He did this for him often now, even when Yue was too shy to ask, and he appreciated every moment of it.

They traded no words for the next twenty minutes. Yue just continued to play, running the end of one song into the beginning of another, filling the room with a harmony, hoping his heart would welcome such a peace as well as his ears. Clow’s hands stayed on his back, wandering away only to embrace Yue from behind, kiss the swirl of his ear, and remind him he was loved. They were loved.

)o(

Yue slipped silently out of bed at 3:53 am, snuck downstairs for a glass of water and sweet rice crackers, and made himself a near nest in the parlor. He’d already been awake for nearly 2 hours, and he did not see himself getting back to sleep, not with how his heart was racing and his mind was aflame. he’d tried, he really did, turning from one side to the other, stretching his back, hugging his pillow, hugging his husband. He’d grabbed another blanket, only to kick it off within ten minutes. He wasn’t comfortable and nothing felt right. He was too damned scared to go back to sleep right now. 

He was also in no mood to read, to sew, to sketch, to bake, cook, or do anything else. His attention was solely on his stomach ache and the pain going up his back, and what it meant. He’d give ANYTHING to be able to lose himself in another song, a novel, or practice any skill right now. He wanted to be immersed...he even thought of waking Clow to keep him company, but that seemed to be a horrible idea if given more than a moment of thought. Clow would worry, he would fret, he would get his mother. If anyone knew, it made it real. It brought this internal qualm into the material world. Until then, he could try and wish it away, pretend nothing hurt, feign ignorance and go about his day in peace. To vocalize meant to admit and accept this, and he honestly didn’t know if he could do that right now.

So Yue sat alone in the dark that morning, looking outside and counted stars. The moon was waxing, maybe 5 days till it was full, and he supposed that was his one blessing here. He wrapped his blanket tighter around him, forcing down another sip of water.

“Don’t you think, Diana, that the 20th is a bad day to be born?” he murmured out loud, feeling as though every ghost of a whisper as too blaringly loud in the silent house. “Don’t you think the 25th would be better? Or maybe even into April? April 1st seems to be a great day for beautiful little ladies to come into the world, much better than the 20th, much…” Yue’s heart raced as he implored his child, as though somehow she had any more control right now than did her mother. At least she, he hoped, would be unafraid. He was anxious enough for two, and wished, again, deeply, that he had the will to wake his Master. He wanted to lean against him, have him kiss his brow, his nose, his lips. He wanted to see Clow’s enthusiasm and sparkling-eyed excitement, anything to calm his own apprehension. Yue could just hear him shushing him, telling his lover there was no reason to be so worried, that everything would be fine, he loved them-!

“Love you too, Clow. We both do.”

His words fell softly into the empty room, Yue not having the gall yet to go upstairs and make them heard. He hated this, and he hated that he felt that way. Submission was his nature, orbit, contact, contract and abnegation. He loved kneeling before Clow, and it as his primary process, to think of Clow’s needs first. It was how a construct was made-! But now he had something else so important to fret about. The told him so often the past 7 months, to speak up, to ask, to DEMAND what he needed or wanted, what THEY needed, yet still he found himself rooted to his seat.

This changed at around 7:30. After over 3 hours sitting alone in the darkness, watching the horizon begin to glow indigo, violet and finally pink, a reverse show of how it sank the night prior, he couldn’t stand himself any more. He’d drank more water than he wished, and he felt nauseous trying to eat anything further. Still clinging his dressing gown and blanket around his shoulders, he stepped as lightly as he could onto the stairs, not wanting to wake Jonathan, Ming or Kerberos. He tread across the deep carpet down to the master bedroom, opened one of the doors, and slipped in as silently as he could. Clow was still sound asleep in bed, curled almost onto his belly with his hair tumbling around his face. Even in his fear, Yue could feel the corner of his mouth twitch at how sweet and handsome Clow looked, so deeply out. It was almost a pity to wake him, but he needed to.

He lay a hand heavily on Clow’s shoulder, feeling his body heat beneath the soft, light muslin. He shook.

“Clow? Master? My love, wake up,” he said in a loud whisper, resting his weight on the edge of the bed with his hip. “Clow?”

The magician snorted in his sleep, twitched once, and snuggled back down in his covers. Yue scowled and shook again.

“Clow! Wake up, please?” he begged, giving a sharped shake. Finally Clow pried his eyes open, sleep crusted and bleary, and squinted into the rooms anemic peachy light.

“Whass’matter, Yue?” He mumbled, reaching deftly for his glasses with one hand, rubbing the drowsiness from his eyes with the other. Now in his full attention, Yue hesitated, not sure yet what to say, or how to say it, and also still not convinced yet he wasn’t somehow mistaken and imagining what was going on. He lay his other hand heavily on his side and drew his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Clow? I...I need company,” he said instead in a faint whisper, letting his hand rub over his middle, paying inordinate attention to the feeling of the silk beneath his fingers. “I...I’ve been up since just past 1…”

“...Yue why didn’t you wake me if you couldn't sleep?” Clow wanted to know, the grogginess melting off his face like snow from their roofs in London, leaving behind wide blue eyes painted with concern. He took Yue’s other hand in his own as he stood, dragging his thumb over soft skin.

Yue looked to the floor, pink filling his cheeks, and swallowed a lump in his throat. No...just...God he was tired of this right now, of feeling shy, or feeling tired and hesitant. His shoulders heaved as he sighed, fingers tapping restlessly over his hip.

“Clow? I...I’m….I’ve been up since 1 o'clock, and my back hurts. And my stomach too, I think she….we want your company right now, Clow. I know it’s early, but come spend time with us?”

Clow’s face, still wrinkled on one side from his pillow, filled itself with empathy and sorrow as he brushed a hand over Yue’s cheek.

“My dear moon, you could have woken me when you were up,” he murmured, a voice that seemed almost...hurt? offended? Whatever ill-humour it was, he seemed to lock it away quickly, squeezing Yue’s hand harder. “Do you want to lie down?”

Yue’s reaction was an instant and emphatic no. “I don’t want to be still right now. Let’s go outside, walk around?”

Clow agreed without any stipulation other than Yue put actual clothes on, at least a loose dress, because March mornings could still be chilly in Guangzhou. 

It was nice to be outside so early though, even if there was a dewy chill in the air. Yue let Clow wrap his arm behind his back and prattle on as they strolled around the gardens. Yue could tell his Master was anxious, either at what was happening, or at his lack of knowledge as to what he ought to be doing right now. Honestly, it was a bit charming, hearing him point out how each plant, herb and shrub was doing this year, including the azaleas. It reminded Yue a bit of his day alone some weeks ago, Diana’s first botany lesson-

Diana. He let her name ring through his head like the highest keys on the piano, the narrowest strings plucked and making the clearest bell of a noise. Clow’s daughter, still secure and safe, and an actual person. A name, an identity, not just a vague idea of something, or a theory. The reality had been encroaching further and further through the past weeks, and now, waking up so early, it was an imminent realization. It didn’t matter how scared he was, or how much time he spent fretting and regretting; nothing was going to change this.

He wasn’t sure if this was soothing or pushing him further into a breakdown.

The sun grew warmer as they walked, stopping occasionally when they passed a stone bench to rest, or when another pain washed through him. Each time, Clow took him into his arms, soothing hands over his back, his side, his shoulders and neck, laying his head with kisses. It...helped, actually, at least he felt like it did. Just having Clow near, no matter his burden, always helped to lift it.

By midmorning Yue had planted himself by the pond and didn’t want to move. What he did want was tea, sweet tea, plenty of cream, and some water. Clow was reluctant to leave him on his own, but Yue suggested he just send Kerberos out. He...wanted some time with his brother anyway.

He had almost nodded off when Kero came padding outside, his large furry paws sweeping through the soft grass.

“Wondered where the two of you had run off to,” he gruffed with a sneer to his leonine face. Yue just scoffed and beckoned Kero closer, wanting to sink his hands into his dense, silky fur and rub his velveteen ears. Kerberos, for his part, was only too happy to soak up the attention, and laid his head on Yue’s lap to encourage further pets.

“Hm. So. Brat’s gonna be born today?” He finally asked, a tinge of excitement hidden below nonchalance and disgust.

Yue nodded slowly, petting his daughter along with his brother. “Guess so...I think so. Might not be till tomorrow. Ming says, um...kids can be stubborn and take their time.”

“Please, spare me any further details!” Kero pretended to gag, yet wasn’t disgusted enough, it seemed, to remove his head from soaking up all this tactile attention. Yue plucked out one long strand of fur in retribution to his brothers rude manners.

“Stop acting like she’s something gross,” he groused, but his fingertips went straight to where he’d plucked the hair, soothing away the sharp stinging. “I’m freaked out enough without your input, alright?”

“But she’s gonna be cute, Yue!” he said eagerly. He shook off Yue’s hand and reared up on his haunches, planting his massive forearms on the bench beside his little brother. “Well, as long as she takes after Clow that is. You’re not much to look at ya know.”

“It’s the curse of our family resemblance, Kerberos,” he tossed back, light and icy, watching Kero’s face fall as he realized he’s walked right into that one. Hre softened the blow with more pets, his wants grateful as always for something to do, for something physical to keep him grounded, to keep his mind from wandering off in a panic. Kero had almost nodded off in the sunlight when Yue’s fingers tightened in his fur, pulling sharply once more. He was about to scold his twin for being such a bitch, till he saw Yue’s jaw clench, and the arm around his stomach hold himself tighter.

Kero said nothing, felt too shy to ask anything, and REALLY wished the old man would hurry back, but he cuddled his brother all the same, best as he could, resting a paw on his leg to just give some weight, some indication he was there. Several moments passed, and finally he released his death grip on Yue’s fur.. He looked pale, agitated and fearful, but he too chose to be silent.

Clow couldn’t return fast enough for either of them, carrying a tray of tea with two pots, two teacups, and large bowl, so Kerberos could join them. Yue needed this, and tried to not think that they next time they got to enjoy simple time outside as a family, it wouldn’t be the three of them anymore. For good, for ill, regretful or not, there would be four.

)o(

 

A few moments of stolen rest; it was a brief taste of heaven for Yue. He lie in Clow's bed, pillows cradled between his knees to ease the pressure on his hips, and his beloved behind him. Clow lay with his body flush against Yue's as the "big spoon", their left hands entwined together and pressed to the top of Yue's stomach. 

He drew in a sharp breath as he felt another pain start; where they had been comparatively mild to start, in the last hour they had changed from a mild irritance that caused more emotional pain than physical, to something both terrifying AND uncomfortable. 

"Shhhh, sh...breathe through it, Yue, short breaths," Clow whispered behind him, keeping his voice as sweet and soft as he could, as though hoping to cushion the rougher edged of Yue's pain. Yue clutched his hand, trying to make his mind go anywhere else but here. Well. Anywhere that didn’t involve wishing he’d never had that conversation with Clow 2 years ago, or wishing the spell hadn’t took. That kind of thinking would do no good now. 

A kiss fell to his neck, tickling the baby-fine hairs that were too short and too downy to stay tied back into the confines of his long, silver braid. 

"This is miserable," he whispered into his pillow, his voice muffled to Clow's ears. His lover nodded sympathetically

"I know, love, I know. that's why we're having a lie down, while they're still somewhat spaced apart," he said, and Yue sighed again; that implied that they would soon be far closer together. Which...he knew. he wasn't going into this blind. Clows mother, Ming, had sat him down many times over her stay at the Reed estate the past 3 months, to instruct Yue on how to take care of himself, how to prepare for the baby, fold a diaper, clean her face, her nose, her hair, and all things prior. As a woman who had birthed 5 sons, Yue looked to her desperately for information and for reassurance that he could get through this. He knew it could take hours, he knew it would be painful, and none of this was rekindling his initial excitement about this. He’d hoped, once this finally came, he would remember how happy he’d been when Clow said yes, and maybe, MAYBE, under everything, there were hints of that, like the leap in his heart every time he murmured her name out loud, but it was hard to dig up just now. 

"...Clow?"

"What is it, love?"

Yue searched for his words carefully, and swallowed thickly. "I...you'll be with me, right? I know...I know your mother doesn't think it's appropriate, but you promised..."

Clow’s smile didn't reach Yue's eyes, but he could feel it against his skin.

"Right by your side the entire time, Yue," he swore in a whisper. "I would never leave you alone; it's a tradition I don't believe in. A mother should have their partner with them."

Yue nodded into the soft case of his pillow, and tried, unsuccessfully, to get into a more comfortable position.

"Clow? I'm...I'm frightened."

Clow's grin wavered, replaced by more soothing caresses, and a kiss to his shoulder. "Of what? Of dropping her? Are you afraid of labor pains?" Another nod, another kiss.

"I remember my mother birthing my younger brother...it was dreadful," Clow admits with much apologetic hesitancy, feeling his Yue tense up and search out his hand to squeeze. "But I'm going to be with you, I'll help you with the pain as best I can."

He closed his eyes, calmed under Clow's hands as he began to massage his back, slow, deep circles, pressing into the tender muscles, and Yue groaned with a brief taste of pleasure. Sleep, Ming had said. And with Clow murmuring to him, his thumbs digging against the ridges of his spine, Yue let his violet eyes slip closed to rest.

)o(

Kerberos fancied himself a very bright, insightful and dare he say it, helpful individual. He scarcely knew how the household would get along without his supervision. Oh sure, he told his little brother that heee was what kept the Reed Manor from collapsing at the seems but eh. Yue was crying and freaking out and that seemed a good way to calm him! Maybe there was SOME truth to it, but as the older brother, Kero fancied himself as the glue that held it all together. As such, he considered it his duty to do whatever he could to help said little brother throughout the afternoon, no matter how much of a gopher it made him. he spent hours bringing up baskets of crackers, floating along pitchers of cold water, extra pillows (didn’t he have enough?!) On more than one occasion, kerberos had the misfortune of being the closest living being to Yue once he decided to start another fit, cry in his very large and very acute ears, and grab hold of a handful of fur.

All things considered, he decided to not seek retribution for being manhandled so rudely, and let him carry on with it, totally not anxious or worried about his twin. Nope, nu uh, not Kerberos, Guardian Beast of the Seal.

Nooo siiir…

Truthfully he was rather glad when Yue finally kicked him the hell out. He honestly didn’t know what he saaaid exactly, since Kero wasn’t sure what language Yue was shouting at him in, but the pillows flung at his face translated the message well enough to English for him, and he accepted his banishment to the hallway.

Well. For about 4 minutes, before he got bored. Now he found himself playing another round of checkers with Shadow, who was soundly kicking his ass. He’d been playing against Power, who lost her first game within 20 moves, but then she punched him in the face and he was waiting for the vision to return in that eye. 

It was nice, having the entire deck out, and hey, he figured they’d all wanna see the baby while it was still tiny and lumpy anyway, right? Dash was already pawing at the door, and Mirror kept having to skip back out and run down the hall to collect him, scolding him adorably for bothering Master Clow and Master Yue. Dash nipped her fingers in pouting protest though, and kept scurrying back; at least it kept the two of them entertained. Float as well kept hovering by Clow’s door, much to the chastisement of her element, Windy, who reminded her that NOT everything was her business. She resigned herself to carrying jump up to the top of the room, dropping him, and watching him careen around like a small pink bean.Fiery and Watery took bets on where he would end up, and they made a game of it, using chalk to mark circles around the room with different degrees of points to wrack up.

Sweet was making an almost obscene assortment of cakes, puddings and cookies to keep everyone munching through the early evening, Wood and Flower were debating what kinds of blossoms were appropriate for a new mother, and Glow was filling colorful jars with small, glinting orbs to use as nightlights. Overseeing it all was Light and Dark, the calm and dignified eldest sisters of the group, who made sure the more...impulsive cards didn’t destroy anything without their master around to calm them, while still showing their own mix of concern mostly overshadowed with excitement. Poking in and out of this mess was Jonathan, who seemed calmer than almost all of them. He was the only one allowed to pop in, though they could hear Ming screaming every time he did, to do the gopher work Kero was now barred from doing.

The party atmosphere was thick and merry as the afternoon melted into evening, but as dark encased the room and Glow and Fiery worked together to illuminate the room, everyone started to grow a bit restless. A few cards gathered around to hear Wood read from Create, her tiny form having to actually fly around to turn each page, and Power and Fight seemed eager to spar as always, but the others were running out of things to do, craft and make. It was past 9 now, Clow hadn’t been out in two hours, and last time he had he’d barely said a word to them and looked like hell. Kerberos rarely ever saw him with his hair all wound up tight in a bun, glasses askew and clothes disheveled, but that's how he looked as he scurried downstairs for something or other. He lay one passing hand on Kero’s head, assured him everything was fine, and disappeared again.

But Kerberos wasn’t worried. 

)o(

Almost the entire Deck, plus their sun guardian, had fallen asleep by midnight, only to be awoken fervently by their Masters hand.

“Kero? Kerberos, come on, up up!” Clow urged, his voice squeaking but excited. The lion groaned, stretched his long legs, flexed his paws, and stared grouchily up at Clow. He was never one to be woken up by a nap, but once he saw the absolute gleaming light on Clow’s face, he remembered why the hell he’d fallen asleep on the floor to begin with. z

“Hey, old man, Yue k?” he asked with another stretch, stumbling to his feet. Clow looked like hell despite how he was beaming. He looked like he hadn’t slept in 20 odd hours, which was nearly true, and he had deep circles around his eyes, but he was smiling all the same. He nodded.

“He’s fine, both are fine, you want to see them?” he asked, as though Kero would say anything but yes and as though Clow would accept any answer but yes. Jonathan already waited for them by the door to follow, and Kero watched as he wrapped an arm around Clows shoulders as he approached, pulling him close for a long moment, and Clow seemed to melt, his body weighing him down and needing his own father's support for a moment.

They tiptoed around sleeping Mirror, Power, Glow, Sweet and Dash and eased the door behind them, treading quietly down the hall to Clow’s room.

If he thought the crackpot looked a fright, it was nothing compared to Yue. He was kinda-sorta sitting up against the headboard, but looked more slumped over and propped up than actually sitting. His fair skin was completely white, his eyes red and bruised looking, and his hair was a matted looking mess. He seemed exhausted, but like Clow, he was grinning in a way that just lit up his face, and was holding that nasty, knotted coil lump that he called a knitted baby blanket.

Suddenly feeling shy or as though he was intruding, Kero crept up slowly, afraid to make too much noise. Whatever he had wrapped up to his chest was quiet and all Kero knew about babies was they cried, like, all the time, and his brother looked near enough to death that he didn’t want to set it off screaming.

Yue however didn’t seem to share his apprehension, and nodded his head to the side, inviting Kero up. He did so delicately, not wanting to jostle Yue, who seemed to be moving only with great trial and care. Clow slipped gently to Yue’s other side, seeming unable to bare to be away from him any moment longer. Yue moved his arms just enough to show off his living, breathing arts and crafts project to Kero.

“Aaaw! Yue! You made the cutest potato I’ve ever seen!”

“She is NOT a potato!” Yue ground out, his smile faltering only a little. He seemed to know Kero was kidding, at least slightly. The tiny thing he held in his arms was a little lumpy, perhaps, and kinda pink and splotchy like redskin potatoes were, but babies were people, not roots. 

“Oh so Clow lost the bet then?” he jabbed, to which Clow shot him a dark look.

“Yes, yes, fine, Yue was right, Mom and I were wrong-” from the washroom, Ming stuck her head out and cursed in Mandarin that she was SURE it was a boy, and to be prepared to raise a wildchild of a daughter! “- and we have a little daughter that Yue gets to name.”

“Ok, what did you name your sprout then?” Kero asked, kinda glad Yue had no strength nor free hands to punch him. He just cuddled her a little closer, his tired violet eyes nearly closed from both smiling and exhaustion.

“Her name's Diana. Diana Ming Reed.”

Ming whooped her pleasure from the bathroom, and Jonathan, looking over Clow’s shoulder at his newest grandchild, just rolled his eyes and told her to shush or she’d wake her up.

Kero didn’t really have words that weren’t full of teasing and telling Yue that his baby was fat, but his brother didn’t seem to mind. He was so busy poking her cheeks and staring down at her through tufts of downy black hair to really notice that there was anyone else in the room besides himself, his daughter, and his lover.

)o(

His family was reluctant to do so, insisting that he’d been up for way too long and needed sleep, but Yue put his foot down and insisted on having some alone time, just him, and his potat-um. Child. Daughter. Clow was the hardest one to pry away, not wanting to leave either his lover nor his little girl, but Yue was adamant. He was clean now, he was still going on adrenaline and wasn’t ready to sleep, and he just needed 20 minutes by himself.

He sighed when the door clicked closed, finally feeling like he could breathe. Well, mostly. He ached everywhere, and wanted to just go into hibernation for a week, but it was true; he honestly doubted there was any way in hell he could fall asleep right now. His daughter, however, seemed to want to do nothing but.

Sitting up as tall as he could, he eased her down with arms stronger than he thought he had at the time, laying her in the hollow between his circled legs. Diana was small, round, very chubby, and in Yue’s prime opinion, perfect. Her hair was surprisingly long and very, very black, but thin and downy, like her tiny fuzzy eyebrows and stubby lashes. Her pink skin showed much of Clow’s olive tones beneath it, but her eyes were all Yue, narrow and almond shaped with a warm violet hue. She was perfect. Laid down, she curled her legs up under her dress, and Yue laughed softly, pinching her foot through her socks.

“You’re like a little armadillo aren’t you,” he cooed to her in a soft, tired voice. “Or a roly poly fits better maybe,” he corrected, tickling up her belly. Diana, for her part, paid no attention to her mother's chatting. She had more important things to do, like being very much asleep.

Yue couldn’t keep his eyes, nor his hands, off of her, not since the second Ming had handed her to him. Tiny and screaming and miserable, she was perfect, but he was more terrified than he’d been the last nine months combined, afraid he’d drop her, squeeze her, break her neck, anything. Every what if he’d had flooded through him, wondering how badly he could fuck up parenthood within her first few minutes, but he also, somehow, felt the most grounded he had in ages. She was real, she was heavy and warm and moved…

“My little Diana,” he purred. He wrapped his hands firmly under her arms and scooped her up, slowly drawing his knees up to rest her against his thighs, her tiny legs curled up against his stomach. Diana was a perfect name for her, and he’d known it for ages. He himself was modeled from Artemis, Clow had told him often. The Goddess of the moon, the bow, the hunt, Artemis had been an inspiration from which Clow drew for Yue’s power and design. Diana was her Greek successor. The huntress, the moon Goddess, could his daughter be anything more?

 

She began to fuss as her mother refused to stop poking her, pinching her, feeling her hair, and she screwed her violet eyes open in displeasure, taking a new lungful of air so she could howl.

Again there was the panic, the fear of doing something wrong, of how it seemed every noise she made was a sign of doom. Which for her, according to Ming, it was. Every small discomfort and unusual feeling was literally the worst thing she’d ever experienced in her agonizingly short little life. He was sure this was meant to make him feel better about why she was crying, but instead it just freaked him out more, to realize that to her small child mind, everything was sort of the end of the world. Yue spent his contemplative year imagining older children, a strong son to carry Clow’s name, a new connection...he’d rarely let himself think about the reality or raising an infant, yet here he was. 

He cooed to her awkwardly as she began to fuss, cuddling her close again to try and convince her nothing was actually wrong. Kisses to her cheeks, a hand on her back, each little rock and bounce feeling like it was too much for her, and he half wanted to shover her off on Clow, anxiety overtaking his desire to hold her close for a moment. Finally he shuffled her around with awkward, unpracticed arms and laid her to his chest to feed, sighing when she seemed to finally have what she wanted.

“Please don’t be like your uncle,” he sighed through another soft smile, unable to stop petting through her almost fluffy bits of black hair. “He throws a fit when he wants fed too. A simple ‘please’” is really enough, my little Diana.”

My, he said to himself, and to her. My, his, his own. He was panicked about dropping her, about her falling ill, getting too cold, too warm, afraid her clothes would make her itch or he’d have a nervous breakdown within another 2 weeks and change his mind about this being an alright idea, but regardless of all his doubts and what ifs, he was assured of one thing now. She was his. Clows too, yes, God he never wanted to forget the look on his lover's face when he held her. She was Clows daughter, she bore his name, but she was...Yue’s too. She belonged to him, he made her, he birthed her, he fed her, he was holding her now.

“...I’m probably still going to fuck you up, my Diana,” he told his small child, recalling his many previous conversations reminding her of just this very thing. “And I’m still terrified out of my wits right now. But I am pretty sure, at least, that I /DO/ want you now.”


End file.
